Breakthroughs

 We had gone up to pick up some gallon jars from a woman. I'd put an ad on a local 'Helping Hands' site, about a month ago. Nothing. A couple people responded, one to tell me an estate sale had them (they didn't), another to offer gallon glass jugs, which unfortunately would not work. 

After a month, I got two hits in two days. I met a woman in the parking lot of Walmart and got 3 jars from her. The following day, another woman messaged me to say that she had five of them. Such great news! 

Even funnier, when Tim and I drove up there, it turned out it was a woman from his church. We stood in her yard talking awhile. She mentioned that her husband had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. His, unfortunately, is inoperable. 

Tim said, "That's what I had." 

She said, "I know." 

She spoke of how her husband is slowing down, and it is difficult for him, because he's always been busy, and he just can't do it any longer. 

I think that made an impression on Tim because he cannot push himself like he used to. He tires more easily. We've got to the point on this house that I simply tell him, "There is no rush. We're not homeless." The new house will be done when it gets done. End of it. 

He's kind of relaxed about things now, and he doesn't put himself under the same pressure he used to. Yesterday, at noon, we stopped working to have a sandwich, and he was looking off into space. Suddenly he said, "I wonder why Judy's husband's cancer is inoperable." 

I said, "Well, usually that means that the cancer has spread. There are a lot of lymph nodes in the groin area. When the cancer has moved into the lymph nodes, there really is no way to stop it. It's in your blood stream at that point." 

He said nothing.

It was a good opportunity to say it. "Tim, it is exactly what would have happened to you if you had chosen not to have surgery. That's why I was so afraid when you said you wouldn't have it. I know that this has brought some pretty big changes into our lives, and I know that you are unhappy with those changes, but honestly, it doesn't matter to me. I can deal with anything. I just want to have you." He listened, chewing his sandwich. He's not a demonstrative fellow. He just nodded. 

I continued, "...most days anyways." He let loose with a bray of laughter, and for the first time in a long time, things just felt normal and right between us.  

Another cool thing happened. I ran to the new house while Tim was with the Amish crew here at home. I had a cat and her kittens that needed fed, and I was planting some garlic, putting out peanuts for the crows, and such like. 

Gaza was in the field when I pulled in and when she saw me, she meowed and came running. I went inside the house and got the dry food, milk and the two cans of cat food. She bounded ahead of me to the garage. I always sit on the ground so that she can approach, and she did. She began eating from the dish before I finished preparing it. I stirred the canned cat food into the milky mixture as she ate, and I petted her two or three times. She flinched, but she was hungry and she stayed. 

Possum, one of the kittens, was quite hungry too. Gaza has begun to growl and slap at them if they approach while she is eating. I didn't like that. I dished some out for the kitten using the can from the catfood. I set it back away from Gaza so that he could eat. 

I went to the greenhouse and planted my garlic in a pot, and then headed back up to the house to lock up and leave. I saw Gaza, once again, sitting in the field, watching me. I sat down on the ground again and called to her. She came. She was hesitant, and she did that darting thing where she runs at me, veering away at the last minute. She would circle under the car to watch me. I just kept talking to her, and she would approach again, veering off at the last minute. I held out my hand and I did get another couple chances to pet her.