Tonight is William's birthday party. Hard for me to believe that he is turning 14, but he is. This is his last year of middle school. Next year he's a high schooler. He has shot up in height, and his voice has gotten that strange slide to it, going from child to man voice, and back again, sometimes over the course of a single sentence.
The weather today seems to be in some sort of transition phase as well, sliding from snow to rain, and back to snow again, every bit as quickly as William's voice is changing. I'm kind of worried about that. His birthday party is at the roller rink at 7PM tonight. I hope that parents are not scared off by the weather. But, in any case, he'll enjoy himself. I hope.
We got him a spring jacket and a smart watch. We're getting there about 45 minutes after the party starts because we're bringing in the pizza. Given the circumstances, we all decided it would be sensible and wait for a head count.
We spent the day working at the new house. Thursday was the day that will live in infamy. Tim and I clashed, and lo, it was a mighty clash. Tim is a machinist. He is careful and he is precise. In some situations, that is good, but we were working with tongue and groove hardwood flooring, and wood, by definition is not a perfect medium. It's just not. There are knots and variations in grain. Those variations in grain lead to variations in color, some pieces showing darker than others. Woods beauty lies in its imperfections.
In my humble opinion.
Now where the problems started is that the groove where one board butts up against the next board...it was not perfect. Sometimes the gap was wider than the previous gap. Or maybe there was a slight variation in the gap as it ran the full length. Seriously, we're talking about 1/8 of an inch. But to Tim, this was a flaw. He went through that pile of boards (the pile on the far left...the pile in front of it is quite nearly gone, having been used on the bedroom floors.) He picked board after board, trying them, discarding them, getting grumpier by the minute.
He was not getting grumpy by himself. After two hours of this bullshit, I got grumpy mad too. I mean we had not laid one board.
I went out to feed the cats and play with them for a while, and I came back in, and there he was, with his laser line on the floor, still trying to match it, perfectly. I said that I was not going to sit there wasting my time while he sorted it out. I said I was going home and he could call me when he figured out how he was going to do this. And for the umpteenth time, I said, "IT DOES NOT MATTER. YOU'RE TANGLED UP IN A DETAIL THAT, IN THE GREAT SCHEME OF THINGS, DOES. NOT. MATTER."
He drove me home and kept stubbornly repeating, "It has to be started right."
I kept saying, "When you are looking down the full length of a room, do you honestly think that anyone is going to say that gap there is 1/8 of an inch wider here than it is there? SERIOUSLY????"
It was not a good ride home. I was mad. I was loud. I was bawling my head off in total frustration. I do not understand him at all sometimes, and this was surely one of those times.
Friday morning, I was still pretty mad. I had an appointment, and was surprised to see him sitting there when I got back, waiting so we could go work on the house. I said, very firmly, "I'm not going. You can go down there and you can fuss and fret all you want, but I'm not going to sit there and get snapped at every time I open my mouth. I'm also not going to sit there and be quiet forever until you make up your mind. You go. Figure it out, and when you're ready to do something, you let me know."
He sat there stubbornly. I said, "I'm serious. And if you are going to sit there waiting for me to get over myself, I'm here to tell you, it's not going to happen. If you don't figure it out today, I'm not going tomorrow. Or the day after. Or Monday or Tuesday... We can play this game just as long as you want."
He finally left. He was NOT happy.
I stayed home. I was NOT happy.
(Happy Valentine's day to us.)
Long story short, he worked out that floor. At some point, he put the damned laser line away. He began to lay the floor. Later he said, "You were right. It's not anything that anyone will notice. It looks fine."
He brought roses and a card. I got the card that I'd bought for him earlier and stuck in the glove compartment to hide it. I filled it out and wrote, "I love you more today than yesterday."
Which was the gospel truth, friends.
And it struck us both as hilarious.
Today we went back up and worked on the floor. We got quite a bit done. More than 1/3, but not quite a half. I submit photographic evidence to you.
I think it is beautiful! So glad you are getting it done! Can't wait to see the whole room finished.
ReplyDeleteI was visiting at home from college when my dad and stepmother were wallpapering in the kitchen and back hall, pretty straightforward and square rooms. Their volume increased with the complexity of reaching corners going down the fully visible basement stairs. I suddenly remembered something to do upstairs when my dad decided that the pattern match didn’t matter because it was just the basement stairs. Bless her, my stepmother didn’t back down, and I appreciated their ability to come to an agreement whenever I came in the back door and admired their handiwork. It took awhile before they would retell the story and joke about it.
ReplyDeleteI hope the birthday party is a big success.
Bonnie in Minneapolis
By today, it struck us both as humorous. Yesterday was some tentative laughter. Thursday, though, wasn't nobody laughing.
DeleteRunnRose above.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your Valentine yesterday, Rose. That was very kind!
DeleteI would have lost my mind. And then my shit.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing about wood is that after it is in place, weather and time and situations are going to have their way with it. That's all there is to it. So to even try and start it out perfectly (which is impossible) is a waste of time.
Happy birthday to William! This is a magical time in a boy's age. The time he starts to become the man he will be.
Mary! HE HAS A MUSTACHE!!!!!
DeleteOh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Our babies!
DeleteYou reminded me of an epic time when my husband and I papered the kitchen. Arghghhh, he the perfect measurer, I noting that there were no right angles in this old house, fill in the blanks.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday to William!
We wallpapered a pantry. That little room was quite enough for us.
DeleteI remember having a very tense Valentines Day, only a few years ago. We left cards for each other but not a word was spoken.
ReplyDeleteI like the floor colour.
I don't think we've ever had a mad valentine's day before.
DeleteDon't you need a gap in tongue and groove flooring, so that the wood flooring has room to expand and contract?
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to know that it's not just me and my husband who butt heads, or that you end up crying. When I'm angry or frustrated, I end up crying too. I'm glad things worked out in the end.
Yes. You are right. His problem was that the gap was not consistent. He wanted every gap to be the same. And we are talking about very minute differences.
DeleteAny marriage that can survive building a house is a pretty good one! My first husband and I had some of those epic battles while building the house I still live in. Sometimes he won, sometimes I did. I never got any roses from him though.
ReplyDeleteIt was Valentine's Day. That is why I got roses.
DeleteHappy birthday William 🎉
ReplyDeleteThe floor looks beautiful..all the better for any imperfections.
I'm glad he got on with it!!
So am I. I made up my mind that I was not going back until he was ready to make progress. He had some mental blocks to hurtle.
DeleteI liked the way you laid it out to him that he was going to have to figure it out for himself, that you were not going to be a part of that "ongoing conversation." And then he did figure it out, and admitted that you were right, it amazes me he told you that. We've had some mighty arguments in our 48 years of marriage too. But he seldom says that I was right.
ReplyDeleteI kind of backed him into a corner. He quietly slipped in with his roses and valentine. He said that he'd gotten the floor started. I asked him if it looked nice. He said it did and said I was right.
DeleteHappy Birthday William. As for this... "I am grateful that women are not nearly as annoying as men." I will see myself out, good night!
ReplyDeleteLOL. I hope that you know it was my feeble attempt at a humorous ending!
DeleteIt looks lovely. Hope the head count was ok for the party! Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteIt was small but fun. It worked out fine.
DeleteCharacter, I call those minor imperfections that furniture and floors get when we use them.... character. The floor is looking good and I hope William had a good birthday party. We've got more frigid temps and snow coming, too. Dislike!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. It has been raining and snowing and snowing and raining. UGH.
DeleteWow, I am super impressed that he admitted exactitude didn't work in this case! And yeah, I cry when I get really mad, this has not worked well for me in my life, but there it is.
ReplyDeleteCeci
The only reason that he agreed to it is because he came home with his Valentine flowers and card, and I was making a stir fry mostly because I was in the mood for chopping things up with a sharp knife. :) He said, "I got the first 4 rows in." I said, "And how does it look?" And he said, "You were right." (Note: I wasn't even holding the sharp knife!)
DeleteThe floor is gorgeous! Good for you for putting Tim essentially in time out with his wood. Happy birthday to William, I hope there was a good turn out and that he enjoyed the party.
ReplyDeleteIt was small but it was fun. I think that he enjoyed himself.
DeleteHappy B-Day William!! I like the floor, I had never seen quarter sawn flooring before, different, but I like it. "I'm grateful that women are not nearly annoying as men." True that. We're done here! Like Apachedug, I'll see myself out. :)
ReplyDeleteI like agreeable men. Allison has you well trained!
DeleteMy brother was a master builder and the only building disagreement we ever had was over laying a floor.
ReplyDeleteLOL. I would be a liar if I said this floor was the only time things got heated. I haven't been this mad since the basement stairs. It's mostly because sometimes, he just gets so very stubborn and he will not listen. Of course, truth be told, I get stubborn and will not stop talking.
DeleteThe floor is beautiful. It was worth going for the quality wood.
ReplyDeleteIt is, Claudia. I mean we went with the cheaper stuff for the bedrooms, but out front where the floors are on display, he wanted the nice stuff.
DeleteThe floor looks fantastic! I think I have heard this discussion during my 48 1/2 years of marriage, too. We solved it a number of ways. 1. We never wallpaper together. In our wallpapering days one of us would leave the house. 2. When we remodeled the kitchen, my daughter was conveniently put on bedrest out of town and I moved out. For our soon to start bathroom remodeling I have to confess he wore me down until I gave up on product selection but retained color rights. I'm glad you both can laugh. It is what saves us all!!!
ReplyDeleteThat last statement is truer than true.
DeleteWow! That last statement could really stir up the you know what. Nice ending to this post.
ReplyDeleteThat last statement was wry humor. I know that I can be a real pain in the patootie from time to time.
DeleteThe floors are beautiful. Yes, men can be annoying as hell. I'm married to one! LOL!
ReplyDeleteParanormal John
There is another thing we've got in common!!!!
DeleteThe floor is lovely indeed and I can totally empathise with the heated exchange. Been there, quite a few times, got the T-shirt, a whole roomful of the things!
ReplyDeleteOh gees. I was SO frustrated with him. I haven't been that mad for quite a while.
DeleteI wonder how many times, in the years to come, one of you will look at the floor and feel yourself smiling...
ReplyDeleteI hope many times. Sure beats looking at the floor and getting mad all over again!
DeleteSame here. We've figured out what we can do together, and what we cannot do together. I am from the good enough club, and he is from the it has to be perfect club. I do understand why some things should be as close to perfect as possible, but that's the rub - it is possible? As you said, wood is wood and it has it's own version of perfect! Karla in Illinois (my comments are showing up now as anonymous, I do not know why)
ReplyDeleteTim sometimes says, "When we build our next house..." I always say, "Yeah. That ain't happening, mister." He laughs. I laugh. He's joking. I think.
DeleteAs per usual, you tell it well. I think your temporary withdrawal was the right move.
ReplyDeleteI know my limits. Honestly. I couldn't have taken one more morning of that. I stayed home, made yogurt, did laundry, washed dishes and chopped vegetables for a stirfry. Lots and lots of vegetables. Chopped and chopped. With a very sharp knife.
DeleteI was the third wife and can honestly say that we never had a fight. I think he had learned that the wife is always right. The only time we might have was when we had the kichen remodeled and I wanted to put everything back in the cupboards.. my husband said no, that the builder had not fixed the mistakes and we had to wait till they were addressed. Then he told me to book a last minute trip for a week and it would then be done. So the next morning I went to Cuba for a week and had a great time. When I got home the work still had not been finished and we both laughed about it, I gave in and waited to use the kitchen. We are getting another huge dump of snow, we got over two feet last week and this will probably be the same. It frustrates the hell out of me to not be able to get my car out of the driveway. I am glad you sorted out Tim and he is still your Valentine, and I do love the floor. Gigi
ReplyDeleteOh, we always do sort it out, but I hate when it gets to that point. He told me this morning that all we have to do is get to March. Once we hit March, we've got a stretch of weather in the 40s coming. That will be wonderful. Hope it stretches all the way up to your house too.
DeleteSince I am stuck in the house I am making a big pot of creamy potato soup. I bought 10 pounds of potatoes because they are Canadian, but I am only one person. What was I thinking. I hope it freezes well. The snow is bucketing down so I think I will be stuck in for a couple of days. I was stuck for two days last week till my snow man showed up and as soon as he left the plow came by and I still could not get out. I am so lucky, my neighbours next door saw me and came out and shovelled till could get out. I am well stocked up now. Gigi
DeleteWhen I make creamy potato soup, I do not add the cream before I freeze it. I freeze it and add the cream when I bring it out and put it on the stove. Good luck! I do love potato soup, but sadly, my carb intake is very limited these days.
DeleteHappy Birthday to William! Oh, high school next! I wish him a future filled with fun adventures and happiness.
ReplyDeleteThat is the same wish that I have for all my grands.
DeleteWell, without turning this into a men vs. women issue (smiley face) I will say that you are right about the floor. Tim shouldn't see our warped, wobbly floors in London! LOL
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday to William and I hope the party went well.
The floors are flat and even. It's just that the gaps between the boards may vary slightly, and that was bugging the snot out of him. Hope you are enjoying Florida!
DeleteI can't think of anything more annoying than a man and wife building an house together. Been there, got the T shirt like JayCee said.
ReplyDeleteIt is a trial by fire, isn't it? If you come through the other side, there is nothing going to break you.
Delete« I love you more today than yesterday » oh Debby, that made me laugh!
ReplyDeleteIt made us both laugh. Because it was true. I imagine he felt the same way.
Delete