Tim called and asked me to make a quick run to his pharmacy to pick up a prescription. I was cooking supper, but I finished up quickly, threw on a cardigan and headed out the door with my wallet in hand.
It was not quite ready and so I had a 10 minute wait. I wandered around gathering Christmas ideas. (Don't laugh. Christmas shopping has been a great comfort to me in these days. I even have an inexplicable urge to put my Christmas tree up. I've never put my tree up before Thanksgiving in my life!)
As I studied the shelves, I was quite surprised when someone came up behind me and started fiddling with the back of my neck. I turned quickly. The store employee explained, "I can't stand to see someone's collar tucked inside their sweater. I'm fixing it for you."
Uh...
"There you go," she said cheerfully. "It's just an OCD thing. I can't stand to see it."
I personally cannot stand to see sagging pants, but I don't feel like I should approach the folk to make adjustments. The interaction just struck me as strange. She walked back to her stocking cart, and I'm sure that she felt that she had done me a great favor. I accept that she meant well. Her intentions were good.
I fake smiled and said "Thanks."
Her smile was not at all fake. "You're welcome!"
She needed to tell you about the tag and ask to fix it. Or say nothing at all.
ReplyDeleteI think it is a little strange that someone pays that much attention to someone else's appearance.
DeleteOn the flip side, awhile back I was at the senior center one day, came home and changed there was white (Gold Bond after shower) powder all over the back of my green shirt. The next day I asked if anyone noticed, my friend Pearl said she did. I asked why she didn't tell me, she said "What's the big deal?"
ReplyDeleteI remember once being at the saddest most heart breaking funeral I had ever attended. Someone leaned over and handed me a tissue and said gently, "you have dirt on your shoes". I was dumbfounded. It will be to my everlasting credit that I did not blurt what was in my mind: "Who gives a rat's ass????!!"
DeleteJoanne is right.
ReplyDeleteOne of the wise women.
DeleteShe shouldn't put her hands on another person's body, period. And "OCD" is a bullshit excuse. That's NOT what OCD is and misuse of the term is a pet peeve of mine. (I have real OCD).
ReplyDeleteI totally understand that.
DeleteI would dislike intensely, a stranger touching me on the neck.
ReplyDeleteIt was a bit of a surprise.
Delete"your price tag is showing" is the common parlance here to TELL someone that bit of information. Never ever EVER should anyone take it upon themselves to fix it, and double never ever EVER without verbal warning. There are swear words that go with that.
ReplyDeleteActually, my collar was partially tucked in to my cardigan. No tag.
ReplyDeleteStill - words would have worked!
DeleteThey would have.
DeleteI used to care for a young man who was autistic and needed 24-hour care; that's just the sort of "helpful" thing he would do. Like the time we were at a motorbike show and he noticed a Hell's Angel-looking character drop a piece of litter.......
ReplyDeleteI was about to comment to say how incredibly rude that woman was, but then I read your comment John and realised that it is exactly the sort of thing my autistic son would do too, so perhaps this lady is somewhere on the spectrum without knowing it.
DeleteYou know, that is just where my mind went. She was a huge, ungainly creature, working a menial job. I wondered about that straight away.
DeleteI remember as a 20 year old working at Heathrow Airport, walking between terminal buildings to deliver some reports, when a chap walking towards me smiled and said kindly "Your flies are undone". Mortified? Moi???
ReplyDeleteA friend once told the story of being at a business meeting. They'd all flown there as a group. The hotel where they were staying was a hop, skip, and a jump from the meeting venue. They had to walk. A group of them met for breakfast, she made a short pitstop and they all headed out, my friend bringing up the rear. There were a lot of horn tooting and they were all waving back. When they got to the meeting venue, someone noticed. Dixie had walked the whole way with her skirt tucked into the back of her panty hose.
DeleteThat's quite extraordinary. I don't even touch the people I know (not quite true!) Actually, I think it's quite creepy. You were very restrained and courteous.
ReplyDeleteI really try hard to see it from another's P.O.V. It's important in this incredibly reactive point in our history. It did creep me out initially, but she was so genuine.
DeleteThat's so funny. Does it give me license to pull up the jeans of young men? Seriously, I would not mind if someone did that for me, like if they noticed I had not zipped up my fly but I might be a bit startled.
ReplyDeleteOh Andrew. You are a scandal. You do make me laugh out loud!
DeleteThat is just plain weird, You did well to be polite!
ReplyDeleteIt was a strange encounter, but in a split instant, I decided that I did not want to add one more angry voice to this world.
DeleteLove that perspective
DeleteI can't even think of a usable comment on the encounter. But I did wonder if you and Tim use different pharmacies.
ReplyDeleteInsurances. I had to order my prescriptions through the mail order. I don't even know why. Tim didn't. But they refused to cover my medication unless it was ordered through the mail. They wanted me to use CVS, which I object to. So I use Mark Cuban, and everyone is happy. Now that we are both retired, I could go back to the pharmacy, I suppose, but I like the convenience of mail order and the 90 day supply. Tim needs to go to the pharmacy every month.
DeleteGood luck on your hospital stay.
I can understand...but she should have asked
ReplyDeleteYes, she should have, but really, even then, I would have found the interaction strange.
DeleteI think that is actually assault. If a teacher did it to a pupil it could lead the them being barred from working in schools.
ReplyDeleteI guess that you had to be there. It was undeniably strange, but she truly meant no harm, and you could see it on her plain happy face. She was probably 10 years younger than me. Walking out to the car, I thought that reaching her 50s without understanding boundaries and personal space must have really complicated her life.
DeleteI once watched a shopworker altering a window display. She moved it a few inches and then back again for a few minutes. I thought she was neurotic and then she did it again.
ReplyDeleteTim is a precision machinist, which is a rough transition to rehabber of old houses, where nothing is square. He will agonize over a quarter of an inch. He'll stop everything to fret. I always remind him that he's the only person in the world that will notice that.
DeleteWow, I am not sure what I would have done. If it was a man who had touched me, I may have said some choice words that rhymed with truck! But as one commenter said, could be someone with autism. No harm done I suppose. But I have a knee-jerk response to being startled, and it's fists-up for sure. No flight for me, only fight. Comes from being one of 5 kids, for sure.
ReplyDeleteI really am trying hard to consciously give people the benefit of the doubt. We are living in very reactive times and honestly, I am trying not to feed into that.
DeleteIntentions are important, I guess, but it is odd.
ReplyDeleteTG seems to be somewhat of a demarcation line for Christmas events down there. Since ours is early, and winter comes early, anytime after about the first week in November can start us off.
I know. Your blog was the one that got me all wistful about MY Christmas decorating.
DeleteNo. Just no. And honestly, it would not have been a bad thing to very quietly and calmly explain to the person that one day while "fixing" a stranger's collar she may be the recipient of a sudden physical response. It is completely inappropriate for a stranger to touch another person in such a situation. Now when someone's skirt is tucked up into their tights (and it happens!) it is a kindness to point that out but verbally. But yes- who cares how the collar is arranged under the cardigan?
ReplyDeleteThat did occur to me last night that I should have said something in a nice way.
DeleteI'm glad you treated her with kindness and didn't make a big deal of it. Sounds like she meant well, altho, she really shouldn't do that.
ReplyDeleteIt was a bit of a conundrum, because I really do not like being touched by people I don't know
DeleteIn today's litigious society, there is no way I would put my hands on anyone's body unless invited first, and even then, I would think about possible scenarios it could go bad before doing so.
ReplyDeleteI guess that you and I are of a like mind on this one.
DeleteYour description: "She was a huge, ungainly creature, working a menial job." gave me a shock ... "creature?" really!
ReplyDeleteTotally uncalled for, just as her touching you was uncalled for!
You are right. Sorry for the offense.
DeleteSome people have no concept of personal space. This clerk, although she seemed to think she was helping, was inappropriate. I am getting excited about my Christmas tree too. My family keeps telling me: No. No. No.
ReplyDeleteI have been reining myself in too.
DeleteGosh, I think I would have turned and slapped at whatever was crawling around the back of my neck. She should have used words instead of directly touching you. Heck, these days we're supposed to ask if someone wants a hug!
ReplyDelete(Just in case you see a guy with their zipper open, you can always ask if they know what "XYZ" means. I recently saw this on a CVS clerk, a young guy, still of high school or college age. I'd whispered the question and he said, "No." Told him it means "eXamine Your Zipper." He smiled, turned around and closed his zipper.) Linda in Kansas
Funniest zipper story ever: Tim burst into laughter. I mean crazy hysterical laughter. He was all but rolling on the floor. We were at a mall. (It was back in the day...) I couldn't understand what was so funny, and he was laughing so hard that I could not understand him. I stood gaping at him. He told me to sit down. I did. Shortly, a local doctor came out of a store. Not only was his fly undone, but part of his shirt tail was pulled through, and was bobbing along in front of him as he walked. Tim laughed about that for days, every single time he thought of it. It never crossed his mind to tell the poor man to 'XYZ'.
DeleteI’m also thinking she’s on the spectrum, and maybe with OCD too?
ReplyDeleteI would have been ‘weirded out’ too, just to come home to think about it more carefully… either way, she’ll hopefully figure out how inappropriate her behavior was! You were so very tactful! -Ricki
It was a bit of a shock, but really, honestly, as soon as I looked at her, I knew that she was trying to be kind. We sure don't want to discourage that, do we?
DeleteI like my personal space.....A LOT! Hands to self please.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand. I was a fan of social distancing long before covid. My sister is a hugger. Doesn't matter who you are. It's interesting that the two of us are so different.
DeleteOH GOSH! Even here in Hawaii where people tend to friendly, that would rather freak me out. She probably is OCD and truly couldn’t help herself.
ReplyDeleteKay of Musings: I see I forgot to say it was me again.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I see 'oh gosh' I know it is you!
DeleteA little bit oddball, but I guess if you are OCD about that . . . Personally when I see those half-mast trousers I want to yank them down so they trip up good and proper! Oh, and we won't go to the half-mast-when-bending-over trousers - yuk, if I wanted to see what someone had for breakfast, I'd tell them!!
ReplyDeleteBahahahahaha!!! Oh my gosh, that is hilarious.
DeleteThat is super-weird. I would never think to touch someone I didn't know, especially not without telling them first! If she does that to someone who's packing she might get an unpleasant surprise.
ReplyDelete