Drug addiction is a terrible thing. We know of an addict who needs help desperately. Can't hold down a job. Has no desire to. Felon, and proud of it, Rehab doesn't work. Homeless. No car. His relationships do not last because he's not looking for a partner. He's looking for someone to take care of him. Support him financially, feed his ego, feel sorry for him. I mean, I really could go on and on. He fancies himself quite charming, and I suppose initially it's easy to make that mistake, but once the charmer's in, all bets are off.
And, let's be clear: he's a very dangerous man.
And yet...yet...from the outside looking in, I see a boy who grew up under the worst circumstances. The very worst and from the outside looking in, I find sympathy uncurling inside of me. I can't help it. I am a sap.
But I'm a smart sap, one who knows better than to let her heart rule her common sense. I've been down this path before. It leads to chaos. This addict dces not want to change his life. He is not my responsibility.
I take a deep breath and save the sympathy for the feral cats.
It's just a thing that's troubled me today.
We worked on the wiring today. Tim has a therapy appointment in Erie tomorrow, but we hope to be back at the job Friday. We're hoping to be done with that part of things by the weekend. Then on to the plumbing.
Something affirming has happened. Tim has been saying that I look skinnier. I thought he was being polite. He knows that I'm dieting and exercising, and I figured that he was just trying to be encouraging. The scales show the pounds coming off, but so. very. slowly. I've noticed that my pants seem to fit more loosely, but I thought it was wishful thinking.
Today, I got out a summer-weight tee shirt and slipped it on. I was so shocked. It is plain to see that I am thinner. Tim came into the bathroom while I was still dumbfounded at the discovery. He looked at me. I said, "I AM skinnier!" He said, "Well...yeah...I told you that you were..."
That's a great encouragement.
Answers and solutions seem so simple for addicts but it's not.
ReplyDeleteThe answers and solutions are simple to our minds, but an addict's mind is quite a different mind.
DeleteCongratulations! It's great your hard work is paying off! Very encouraging!
ReplyDeleteAddiction is an awful thing. As a mom, I want to put my foot down to the world and tell them all to shape up! I sit on a charity and tomorrow is my day to interview. Sometimes stories break my heart, sometimes I can barely smile and control myself (I am not their mother) and sometimes I find out I have been lied to again. We deal with people who aren't necessarily addicts, but there seems to be a lot of people with the same mindsets. Work 20 hours a week and expect charities to pay their rent and utilities since paychecks barely cover pizza and cigarettes. It's hard to counsel.
I do have a good story. A young mother came in. Her baby's dad had gotten laid off and was out looking for a new job. She did not work because she was scared to leave the baby with someone. They had very low bills. I suggested she go to the area McDonalds. They were looking for "closers" for $15 an hour. She could go to work for 9pm and work until 2 am 5 days a week. And it would be enough with unemployment to keep their heads above water. She seemed very amicable.
Then I told her if she kept working there after he went back to work, she could have extra money. She could put some in a savings account and save for her own car. She could also buy things for her baby. She was gobsmacked. I really really don't think this was a concept she had been raised in. I really hope she does keep working.
Hope it works out for her but must be missing something like when would she sleep?
DeleteA closing shift generally ends by 1 am. Her husband would be home with the baby. He's not working. She can sleep in mornings. When he goes back to work, that might change. I did it for a lot of years. You go home, you sleep, you get up, you do what you have to do. You learn to nap. There are many working parents out there that are working opposite shifts for that very reason. They make it work.
DeleteIt is a good feeling when you see those pounds falling away. Lighter in the body and the mind.
ReplyDeleteIt is a good feeling. I can't quite believe it, but it is happening. The 'rush' that accompanies the feeling of accomplishment seems to keep me focused on the goal.
DeleteSlow weight loss is much more sustainable than quick weight loss. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Andrew. You are ever encouraging.
DeleteAddicts are there in every level of society. And take advantage.
ReplyDeleteWell done on steadily reducing. When your build has finished you will have to work on a replacement activity, as probably working on that is helping now!!
They are, and it is scary how they can manipulate people to get what they want.
DeleteBrilliant to see you have lost the inches, it's not an easy task.
ReplyDeleteIt's not. It was quite a momentous realization when I put on the tee shirt.
DeleteWell done! Losing weight is not easy but so worthwhile for the good feeling about yourself.
ReplyDeleteI put on a dress cardigan today and was shocked to discover that it is loose and baggy in the shoulders and upper arms. I honestly had been only watching those scales. I guess I now know that there are other ways to measure progress.
DeleteI find it hard to judge addicts. But as you say- this does not mean that I feel any responsibility towards them.
ReplyDeleteHurray for you for losing weight! It's not easy. You are an inspiration.
I don't find it hard at all to judge this one. But isn't is strange, despite EVERYTHING, I still find myself feeling sorry for him. He was a child once. He was raised in quite a dysfunctional family situation.
DeleteWell done on the weight loss!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty amazed, actually.
DeleteCongrats from me too...so glad your work is paying off in pounds off. Addiction is tough, and tough love is the best answer I've found, while waiting for someone to either reach their bottom, nor maybe the moment before they die of an overdose (which is of course the bottom.) It's a sad condition/disease for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteAddiction is never a problem for the addict alone. It destroys the life of everyone around him as well.
DeleteAs a tv phycologist used to say when we watched him quite a long time ago now, it's not the person talking, it's the drugs. So sad.
ReplyDeleteIt's awful. Gut wrenching. We had no choice but to be involved at that point.
DeleteI'm glad you're happy with your fitness results! Somehow I've managed to get this far with very little personal experience of addiction among my family or friends. My dad was addicted to tobacco, but that's about as bad as it got. (And that killed him, ultimately, so it was bad enough!)
ReplyDeleteI know the tobacco addiction. I gave those up 23 years ago, when my dad died of lung cancer. This was the first time that I'd ever dealt with a drug addict, and the one thing that I know is that is pure chaos. You lose your mind trying to deal with that. The lies, the justification, the abject stupidity, the mooching... The guy has been out of our lives for 8 years now, and I am not sorry he's gone.
DeleteThe best part is the fact A MAN NOTICED! LOL
ReplyDeleteWith all the physical work you've been doing, you were apt to lose some weight ... Congratulations!
I kept thinking that he was just trying to be encouraging.
DeleteCongratulations on the weight loss. Harder than building a house.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. This is not as hard as usual. I don't know what is different this time.
DeleteUuummm... I'm actually gaining weight now. I was losing too much at one time and now I'm going in the opposite direction and I don't know why.
ReplyDeleteI do feel sorry for addicts too. I know we have too many of them in Hawaii being homeless.