Finding The Way

 I'm struggling here. 

Tim has rebounded greatly. I look at other people who have had strokes, and I know how lucky we are. There are minimal physical effects. If he is tired, he stammers. His throught process is good for the most part. But he is different, and sometimes, two heads are better than one. He has periodic trouble sleeping and that makes a difference in his thinking, too. 

When I get up in the morning, I like my leisurely cup of coffee. My four McVitie's wheat biscuits and little jaunt around blogland and then I'm ready to get on with my day. Tim is much faster. He doesn't drink coffee. He eats his bowl of raisin bran and is ready to walk out the door. Sometimes, the two of us can get a little snarky. 

This morning was one of those mornings. "Tim," I said firmly. "I'm not willing to rush. You let me have my hour and then I'll be ready to go." He got pissy, and told me that he was going over to the renovation to pick up the ladder pick. I suggested he wait until I was ready because the ladder pick (a long steel plank that hangs between two ladders to act as scaffolding) is heavy. Really heavy.

No. He would not wait. 

He took off in the dump truck and, like always, I felt guilty. I told myself firmly that I had every right to have an hour in the morning, but still...

I was dressed when Tim got back and brushing my teeth. We hopped in the truck and headed out almost immediately. 

We got there and unloaded the pick. Yep. It was heavy. We set the ladders and...looking around, I said, "Where are the hangers?" and he said, "I didn't think we needed them." I stared. I mean, you can't use a ladder pick without the hangers. 

I started to say something and he started to get snappy. 

I walked away. I just walked away and I went into the air conditioning and let him figure out what he was doing next. About 20 minutes later, he came in and said that he would run back to Wayne St, and get the hangers. I took a deep breath and kept my mouth shut. That's a total waste of 1 1/2 more hours.

I sat inside playing a game on my phone while he was gone. 

I heard a sound outside. Looking out, there was an elderly lady from down the road walking around. This property used to belong to her husband's brother. I watched her. I've met her, but not often. She never remembers who I am, but she knows my brother and sister. 1 wasn't sure if I would frighten her if I suddenly walked out the door. She went to the open garage. She went over to the greenhouse. She walked back and studied the new building. She looked very confused.  I opened the door and went out. I greeted her cheerfully. 

She looked at me, shocked, and took a step back. "How do you know my name?" she asked suspiciously. 

I explained to her that I was Anna's sister, as I always do, and she said, "Oh, that's right!" I could tell she didn't remember me, but she knows my sister. They've been neighbors for 20 years or more. 

I invited her in for a cold drink. It was so hot out. I thought a stint in the airconditioning would be good for her. 

"No," she said, and peevishly went on. "Why aren't you answering your phone? I've called and called but no one answers." 

She doesn't know who I am. She doesn't have my phone number. I said, "Well, I don't think you have my phone number."

She looked befuddled. "I've been calling three places over and over again all morning long, and the phone just buzzes. No one answer there, either." 

"What three places are you trying to call?" I asked gently.

She said, "Well, you know, to check on you." 

"We're okay," I said. "It's really very nice of you to worry about us, but really, we're fine. You can just call Dave or Anna if you're concerned. They'll tell you it's okay."

"Well, when you didn't answer your phone, I called three places to come and do a health and welfare check on you, but the phone just buzzes. Nobody is answering their phones!" She was getting upset. 

"Why don't you come inside?" I suggested. "It's nice and cool and you can wait for Tim to get back, and then I can run you home." 

"No. Walking is good for me," and she set off. 

"I'll walk with you," I said. "We can visit on the way." To be honest, I was afraid for her. It was hot as hades, and she was heading towards the back of the property. "Why don't you come this way? You can follow the deer path." 

She followed along, agreeably enough, and she said, "Oh! There's the cemetery!" in a surprised sort of way. 

"Yes," I said, and pointed. "And right down there is your house." 

In a delighted way, she said, "When you get your house built, we'll be neighbors!" as if she had just realized this." 

"We will," I said. 

Suddenly, she said my husband's name. 

"Yes. That's my husband."

"He's Carrie's husband's brother."

"That's right!" I said. 

We stood waiting to cross the road. There's a ditch on the other side I wanted to make sure she got across. Once there, we said our goodbyes. She said, "Well, I'm not sure how long we'll be neighbors. My husband is 92. I'm...I'm...ah, hell. I can't remember. But we probably won't be neighbors long."

With that, she made her way down the field to her house. I watched her go. Tim drove down the highway on his way back. 

I walked back.

As we ate lunch, I said gently, "Tim. We have to talk. You're scaring me."

He said, a little abashed. "I meant to get those hangers..." 

I said, "Well, that makes a lot more sense than telling me that you didn't think we'd need them."

He looked at me. 

"For all your impatience this morning, rushing off to load the pick alone did not save you one bit of time. You could have given me my hour, we would have both gone over to put the pick on the truck together, and we wouldn't have forgotten the hangers. Your rushing around did not save us any time at all. We are eating lunch, and we have cut one board. That's it."

"Yeah," he said.

"I respect the fact that you like to get started early. It's the most sensible thing in this heat. You're not sleeping well at night. What if I get up at 7? You sleep in until 8. I get my hour, and then we can work together on things?"

"That would be good," he said. 

"You need to listen too, because sometimes, you forget things. I'm not trying to make  you feel bad or anything." 

"I can do that," he said.