Eye yi yi.

 Tim and I both had appointments for eyeglasses at Eyeglass World, the place that offers two pair of eyeglasses starting at $89.99 including the lenses. 

Now I haven't had an eye exam for quite some time. My distance vision was good. It was not always. When I was a kid, I was very nearsighted, with my weakest eye being my left. Every year or so, my parents had to take me for new glasses, an expense they couldn't really afford and always made me feel guilty. 

My weak eyes and I joined the Army. In basic training, the Army issued you two pair of glasses, black framed ugly things. In basic training, you could not wear 'civvie' glasses. The problem was that the glasses were too strong. They actually made me physically sick to wear. I tried to explain that they were not right, but my drill sergeant told me that the Army doesn't make mistakes. I could have argued the point. I was there, wasn't I, and that was sure seeming like a mistake to me. Anyhow, I discovered that I was a better shot without those glasses than with them, and so I quit wearing them. After finishing AIT, the first thing I did when I got home was to get a eye exam for my new glasses. Except that I no longer needed them. 

So. the next few years were corrective lens free. When I took my eye exam to get my license renewed, I always passed it. 

As I left my forties, I began to notice a decline in my close up vision. I was prescribed bifocals, and I can tell you, I never fell up stairs so much in my life. I was told that my brain would learn to accomodate them. It was not the first time that I figured out my brain doesn't work like most everyone elses. I abandoned the bifocals and began to use  'cheaters', those inexpensive pairs of readers that you can pick up at Walmart or even Dollar Tree. I picked them up a half dozen pairs at a time and artfully scattered them around the house. Sometime between then and now, I noticed that I needed to change my cheater strength to something a bit stronger. Being a person who eventually gets around to it, I got around to it a couple weeks ago. Much to my surprise, I discovered that I could no longer rely on the easy fix. The vision in my left eye was once again much worse than the vision in my right. 

I also noticed that the last time that I drove to my son's house at night, the headlights of oncoming cars had rainbow halos in my left eye. I knew what that meant. I was in serious dread of this appointment. 

Long story short, I have cataracts in both eyes, the left being much worse than the right, but still a couple years away from requiring surgery. (-1.75, whatever that means.) The right one was neglible. As I already knew, the left eye was also much weaker than the right, requiring two very different prescriptions for both far and near work. She noted that my right eye needed scarcely any correction for far vision. She asked me if I was thinking of bifocals. 

I said, "You know, I had bifocals and I never could make them work for me. I finally pitched them and went to the cheap cheater glasses. I've been wearing them until the vision got so different that I couldn't do that." 

She said, "I was not going to recommend them in your case. The cataract is bad and you've got significant scarring from the laser surgery on your right. In your case, as inconvenient as it is, having a pair of reading glasses and a pair of driving glasses is going to be the best route. A couple years from now, when your cataract is bad enough to remove, the lens they replace it with will correct your vision enough that you won't even need glasses unless the right cataract gets substantially worse."

Well. That was not what I expected, but it was okay. We were at Eyeglass World. Two pairs of glasses, including lenses starting at $89.99. I went out with my paperwork. Tim was already sitting there looking glum. I picked out my frames, and took them to where Tim was sitting. She efficiently began to list off various options typing very quickly into the computer. 

"Hold on," I said. And I began asking her the price of every single option. She began to give me quite a eyewatering list of prices. 

I began saying no a lot. She began trying to 'sell' me on the upgrades. "No," I said. 

I turned to Tim. "How much did your glasses cost?" 

My eyes bugged when he said, "$640." 

The woman quickly explained that it was because he had bifocals and was getting the transitions lenses too. 

I said, "Is that for two pair of glasses?" I was shocked when Tim said, "I didn't get two pair." 

"Why NOT? The second pair is free!"

Meanwhile the lady went back to my glasses. "Do you want insurance?" 

"No," I said. 

She explained that I'd get new glasses free if they got broken. She also stressed that it did not cover loss of the glasses. 

It's far more likely that I'd lose glasses than get them broken, so I said, "No, I don't need that," once again. I asked Tim whether he'd gotten the insurance. He had. I said, "But Tim, if you got the second free glasses, then you'd have a spare if anything happened. You wouldn't need the insurance. When in your life have you broken a pair of glasses anyway?"

He looked thoughtful. 

I said, "So he'll take his free second pair of glasses, and you can remove the insurance." 

I could tell that she was not happy with my interference. 

We had alloted $69 apiece for eye exams and $89 apiece for the glasses. We expected a total bill of about $320. The fnal tab was $956.

Afterwards, while sitting at a restaurant killing time until I could pick up my glasses, we both discussed it. We should have taken our prescriptions and gone elsewhere for his glasses. Mine were probably not too far off, two pair of glasses for $250, which included the eye exam,  but we could have very probably gotten a much better deal at an optometrist in town for his glasses. 

Hindsight is 20/20.