Thursday, September 7, 2023

Walter

 Last year my grandson had some trouble with a kid who just seems like he gets his kicks from being mean. Really mean. 

Yesterday, he came home from school. He said, "Today a kid was being mean to my friend, Chris. Chris told him to leave him alone, or he was going to tell the teacher. Then the kid slapped him so hard his glasses flew off and told him that if he told a teacher, he'd beat him up."

I said, "So. Did he tell the teacher?" 

He looked at me all agog. "He couldn't! Walter told him..." 

I said, "So the bully won today." 

My grandson said nothing.

I said, "What did you do? You witnessed an assault. Did YOU tell a teacher?" 

He hung his head. 

"Bullies feed on your fear. If you are afraid to act, it makes them feel strong and powerful. DO NOT GIVE THEM THAT POWER. You tell. You always tell." We also went through the proper response if ever the bully laid a hand on him

Middle school is tough, and it is especially tough here. I don't know why it should be, but it is. The second half of last year, it was totally out of control, and this was from the teachers themselves. Promises were made to get the situation under control. It was very discouraging to see the same kid behaving the same way so early in the school year. Actually, escalating his behavior. Last year he threatened to hit. This year, he was doing it. 

I couldn't stop thinking about the boy. I knew his name was Chris. I knew he was in seventh grade. I knew that he wore glasses, and it bothered me that he was a kid who needed help but was afraid to ask for it. 

I sat down and wrote a facebook post, giving a brief summary of what had happened. I closed it with "If you have a son named Chris, who is in seventh grade at Beaty and wears glasses, talk to him. Find out if he needs help."

This morning, my grandson went off to school. "I'm going to stop in the office and report what happened to Chris." 

I am happy to say that my post was forwarded to the school superintendent. At least on the surface, they are taking this seriously. 

Late Edit: The post spread like wildfire. I am pleased to say that Chris' mom was contacted by a bunch of people while he was at school the following day, all of them wanting to know if it were her Chris. She was not sure it was him until she talked to him. It turns out that Walter has targeted this kid, and that he's been ashamed and afraid to tell. His mother told him that it had been reported and that the principal knew what happened, and he broke down and told her the whole story. 

She messaged me to thank me. She doesn't think Chris would have said a word. 



38 comments:

  1. Bullies are a very challenging problem. they can't lose or they lose everything.

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    1. To be honest, looking Walter up, it sounds like he has a pretty tough life too.

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  2. Nice way you handled all of that. Jeepers, these are kids that escalate to news headlines. The bully should pay for any repairs to the glasses. Some school districts have schools for "challenging" kids. He needs to be in that school. Linda in Kansas

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    1. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I know bullied kids need to know that they have options and that by sticking together, they can protect themselves.

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  3. The school needs to expel that kid, if they don't he's going to keep doing this crap.

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    1. I believe that Jim. I think if a kid cannot behave himself in a school setting, he shouldn't be allowed to endanger other kids.

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    2. He also needs help..sounds like he is maybe passing on tough treatment he had himself? Getting help in a different setting, getting him to see what others and himself have done is not on..

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    3. Looking at his home life, I see he comes from a broken home. Martial Arts plays a big role in his life. He seems to relish being scarey.

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    4. So the ideal would be the martial arts way, as that generally teaches that it is not for attack or scaring people.
      Strong people to show him a better life path

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  4. Replies
    1. I am relieved that the situation has come to the attention of the people that it needed to come to the attention of. I was so relieved when Chris' mother contacted me.

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  5. I was crucified in 7th grade, by a couple of toughs I learned years later were 2-3 years older than me. But what sex with me most all these years later, was watching my reading teacher, Mrs. Dascenzo, pretend not to notice. I hate to see William being put in the hot seat here, but I hope that young man with glasses gets help.

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    1. what sticks with me most! Damn auto correct!

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    2. 'Putting William in the hot seat.' Now those words gave me pause. I'd hate to think that I had done that. I just really believe that every single one of us have the responsibility of being good human beings. You don't turn a blind eye to stuff like that. I also think that it gives William the opportunity to learn how to deal with mean people. Unfortunately, it is something that he'll probably run into many times in his life.

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    3. Sorry Debby, I just meant it's difficult for kids to have to tell on other kids. But I know you always do right with William.

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  6. My sister is a school teacher and they do take such reports very seriously and they take action. However, I am not sure that the outcome is always ideal. It is a difficult matter and teachers don't have proper training to deal with some of these complex matters, more's the pity.

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    1. Last year, the teachers banded together and addressed the school board. Middle schoolers were telling the teachers "F you" and walking out of the classroom. One teacher had a chair thrown at her. That's bullshit.

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  7. I worked elem, middle and high school as a lunchroom manager so I saw most of the kids every day as it was a very poor district, so everyone needed the free lunch. I turned down a couple of better schools to work at when I found out it was a middle school. I worked in Florida and Mississippi; I found the schools in Miss. had the toughest rules and the best-behaved kids. It may have changed now but that was how it was when I worked. I loved all my kids though and they knew it. I had some of the poorest kids in elem. They would look me up and asks me if I wanted to hug them that morning.

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    1. Ellie! I've been so worried about you! I'm so glad to hear from you!

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    2. My computer went out, trying to get things going again. I don't know why this came up anon.

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    3. Do you know how to sign back into blogger?

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    4. yes but I forgot to do it. Thanks.

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  8. I was bullied at school, not physically but in a manner that made it seem too trivial to take any action. Nowadays the bullying can be quite brutal and the schools seem powerless to do anything meaningful.

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    1. You know, that's called 'mean girls', the theory behind it being that girls do not want to get in trouble or to be seen as a bad girl, so their bullying is more sly and insidious. I know grown women like that, some of which would call themselves 'christian'.

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  9. It's tough. My current job has me in an ancillary role in an organisation that deals with traumatized children. As you know, kids who have had trauma often inflict trauma. If only there were magic formulas for stopping it from following this cycle. Heck, if only there were a magic formula to stop adults setting the wheel in motion. Good on you for jamming a spoke.

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    1. If you can't control yourself, other people have to do that for you. This kid needs a one on one aide until he becomes inspired to modify his behavior.

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  10. I'm glad you spoke up and got everyone to pay attention to the trouble. I hope things get better at the school.

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  11. In situations like this, I also ponder if the bully's parents know of his actions... or care. Hopefully they do care and find out.

    As you may know, I'm on the schoolboard of a small private school. We often get kids who continually got picked on by bullies and the parents tired of the bullies and their parents getting slapped on the wrist for their offences. They love the safe environment we provide for their children.

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    1. The parents know. This was a problem last year. This year the young man has stepped it up a notch. Expelling seems to be a thing of the past. Quite honestly, I think that if the parents are ignoring the problem, they should have the problem put back in their laps. Is it fair to the kid if he has shit parents? No. But it provides a measure of safety to all the other kids in the school.

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  12. You did the exact right things from talking to William about what bullying actually is and the need for reporting it, to writing that FB post. The bully himself probably needs help as well. He is probably in for a lifetime of trouble.

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    1. I really believe the old saying, "All that is needed for bad men to prosper is for good men to do nothing."

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  13. I'm so glad you acted. I hope your post makes its way to the bully's family, or someone who can (and does) make a difference. It sounds like that kid needs to be in reform school.

    Middle school IS a terrible time. I remember it being that way even in my day. The only time I ever got hit in school was in seventh grade.

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    1. I guess that girl bullying might be different from boy bullying. Girls waged an emotional war against each other, making fun of looks and clothing and things like that. The funny thing is that there are some of these girls who, even in their 60s, have never changed. It is the strangest thing to hear them comparing and disparaging other women. Quite honestly, there was an online debate once and appropos to absolutely NOTHING (other than I disagreed with her POV) she launched into this lengthy tirade about how I had always envied her because she was beautiful. Even more strange, she seemed to be convinced of this.

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  14. I’m so glad you took action! But I also feel sorry for the bully- I imagine he must be so sad and miserable… I hope somehow he can be helped! Fingers crossed.. and best wishes to William and Chris, of course!❤️ Ricki

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  15. -and btw, it’s crazy that bullies don’t get expelled from school l, while children with mental illnesses do! I’m talking about kids with emotional difficulties, who have a hard time coping with school life in general… bullying is ‘better’ than a crying kid??! I don’t get it. Something has to change! Ricki

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  16. I wonder how many of today’s politicians were bullies in middle school, and more particularly, were they allowed to get away with it? I fear that bullying isn’t a phase that kids outgrow…

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