Sunday, February 11, 2024

Not a Fan

 Today is the big Superbowl game. 

I am not a big football fan. 

Usually, we take turns hosting another couple but we disconnected from our television server and we no longer get the game. We generally go to their house, share a meal that we alternate cooking and the guys watch the game. Sometimes, his wife and I might watch a bit of it too, but last year, we just visited. 

This has been just such a high stress time, keeping Tim contained after his surgery, dealing with a grumpy man who may or may not have wanted to listen to good sense. That is isolating and lonely. Christmas. The drains. Nothing huge, but just a succession of things that made it impossible to feel as if I'm 'on top of it all'. 

Does that make sense?

Anyways, the husband is a talker. He's not a bad person, but he is opinionated and he likes to hold forth on his opinions. Loudly. Clearly. "I'm going to tell you something..." 

He is not a bad man. Really, he's not. 

But he's an expert on everything, even when he is not. I wanted to wring his neck last fall when he explained to Tim that his surgery was 'nothing', and he'd had it. He hadn't. He'd had a TURP, something that is a completely different procedure for a completely different condition. He was the one who called me to get information on Tim, speaking in a comforting soothing voice, asking for predictions on a future that was not, at the time any way all that clear. His questions were intrusive but wrapped in a veil of concern. I told him then that he was not being helpful which seemed to come as a surprise to him. 

Now, we are in the middle of this drain issue, and his response was an airy, 'Well, look at it this way: your drains will be all new." 

Great. 

While we are happy about that, we're a bit unhappy about the fact that this is going to cost thousands of dollars and (to borrow a phrase) "I'm going to tell you something:" the drains were perfectly fine before all this and we have a long held philosophy in this house: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 

Tim was a bit aggravated by the comment and just quietly excused himself and came home, but when he told me about it, he was irritated, because his friend is a man who is given to great gnashing of teeth when he has a problem. 

After thinking about it, I asked Tim if he still intended to go to their house to watch the game. He decided that he would.

I bowed out. 

I try very hard to be patient, but I have a harder time being patient when I'm emotionally depleted. And I am. I'm at low ebb, and have been struggling since last fall. I just felt like I did not want to be around this man. 

He is not a bad man, I want to make that clear. 

In any case, I decided not to go. I just don't want to go. I will stay home and watch some benign comedy on television. Or maybe quietly read with a cat on my lap. 

50 comments:

  1. You are better off staying home and away from that boor of a guy! Good, bad, or indifferent, the guy may be too much even for Tim today!
    Enjoy your alone time and just make yourself happy!
    Marcia in Colorado

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    1. He irritates Tim too, from time to time, but for some reason, man irritation and woman irritation are two different irritations.

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  2. Good for you.
    Pirate is watching the rugby now..as far as I'm concerned it is audio wallpaper! Not that he has ever played it...
    Far better was yesterday, a wet and windy day spent indoors at a Velodrome watching racing...four groups of different age Youths, boys, and girls, women and open ( anyone age 16 up...) In rotation, five races each group...and a great chance for him to wander around chatting, track centre!

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    1. 'Audio wallpaper'. That's funny. Usually, I'm pretty good at just ignoring stuff, but I know me well enough to know that today is not that day.

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  3. You don't have the band width to deal with it right now and that's fine. I was listening to CBC and a program about a northern European country, whose name escapes me right now, and there people are fine when you say you just don't have the bandwidth right now. It's not an insult, just an understanding that we all have times when life overwhelms us.
    I often feel like that, life often overwhelms me:) Right now my son is trying to convince me that his other son should live with us. Hell no. One big problem at a time.
    Have a lovely time this afternoon.

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    1. That's really well phrased, Pixie. I don't have the band width right now. Your son? From all you have said, I feel awfully sorry for his children. Him? Not so much. You're in a hard place and you don't need to make this one bit more difficult for yourself.

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  4. You're right to put your own wishes first. It's exhausting carrying other people's troubles and you need time to yourself.

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    1. Sometimes I just don't have the patience to deal with frustration.

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  5. Wise choice! I know the type, being an "expert on everything" is one of the most annoying traits a person can have. As you say, quite often they're not an expert and also are not the least bit interested in anyone else's opinion. Enjoy your afternoon!

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    1. I think he's just someone who likes to feel important. He's not a bad person at all. Just someone who's never been able to feel quite as important as he wants to. And he just talks without thinking sometimes. I am sure that I do the same thing.

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  6. Some people are too much to take and we got ourselves involved with them and it's hard to leave them.

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    1. Tim and he have been friends for probably 45 years or more. Me? I 'inherited' him when Tim and I married 26 years ago.

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  7. You should have gone and agreed with the "expert" Debby. No you probably did the right thing. It is good to wind people like that though.

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    1. The older I get the less I like winding people up. I don't want to bother or be bothered.

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  8. Just because someone is not "bad" does not mean in the least that he's not bad for YOU! Stay away.

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    1. He's usually just annoying, but I'm just not in the mood for him right now, and I'm embarrassed about that. Tim and he have been friends for much longer than we have been married.

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    2. You have no need to be embarrassed. Just because Tim has been his friend forever, it does not mean he has to be your friend too.

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  9. I'm agreeing with everybody here. The fellow sounds like a benign toxic sort of fellow. You've been kind to be so patient with him. I'm really feeling for all you're going through right now, Debby.

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  10. Oh, and I'm not a football fan either. I just keep Art company when he watches the game while I do other busy stuff in the room.

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  11. The commercials are funny sometimes. Is it wrong to say that's why I watch the super bowl?

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  12. Some people just wear me out listening to them. Finding an excuse to leave is the best medicine.

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    1. I would not have been able to leave early is the problem. That is exactly why I did not want to go.

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  13. Excellent choice...just giving yourself some "me time" is definitely more sustaining than dealing with Mr. Expert. I do hope you feel somewhat better for your decision as well as the time for yourself. A plus factor of two.

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  14. Tough it out! As regards serious illness, in others, I've discovered some people simply don't know how to handle it.

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    1. Oh, lacking a British stiff upper lip, my book and I stayed home. I spent a bit of time watching videos about your winter of 1963.

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  15. Stay home tell your cat all your feelings and he will listen and never repeat a word of it, and you will feel better just telling someone that is easy to talk to. Read the cat a few pages of your book, he will think you are just talking to him and purr a bit.

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    1. Eh. My cat doesn't care. I explained to Tim. I would rather keep my grumpy self at home than put a damper on the night.

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  16. I would make the same choice. I don't have to subject myself to that kind of hot air right now. I won't be watching either. we don't have live tv either, and no one has invited me, and that is AOK.

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    1. I just doctored up a pouch of Seeds of Change with some chopped garlic and a chopped chile.i am reading my book and have a cat curled up close by. I am not missing missing the super bowl.

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  17. I think you get to an age when you realise that you do not have to do things, social things really, you don't want to. While no one here understands American football, each year there is a bigger build up to it. It screens here at I think 10.00am, and co-incidentally it is rostered day off for the construction industry.

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  18. Some days, I am just keenly aware of my shortcomings

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  19. Good for you in making the decision that you felt was right for you, Debby. I read your comments about Tim's friend and it was clear you were trying to be very fair. Enjoy your book or movie or both.

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  20. I agree with the majority. Why aggravate yourself?

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  21. You need a break! Myself, I am hunkered down in my kitchen, sipping tea and watching All Creatures Great and Small. All by myself. I hope you are enjoying your piece. And - good gosh, things HAVE to get better soon.

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    1. I did nerd a break. I hunted up some paperwork Tim needed. I put a quiche together and baked it for a quick grab and microwave meal on Monday.

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  22. I think you made a wise decision, and hope you’re enjoying your time alone! Sometimes you just don’t have the energy to endure people like that- preserve your energy for yourself and what’s ahead for you and Tim! Xo, Rigmor

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    1. I feel as if I did. I curled up in bed with a book and a cat and had an early night.

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  23. Best to avoid toxic anything! Hooray! The Chiefs won, but it was too close. The "famous people love story" is fun to watch. Reminds me of the King leaving the throne to be with his lady. Linda in Kansas

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    1. I can't say he is toxic. He is not intentionally trying to aggravate. He is just not a very empathetic soul.

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  24. Definitely best avoided!

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    1. Last night it definitely was. I enjoyed the time to myself.

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  25. PBS had lots of good shows last night so I watched a bit of the game and then switched to that channel. You needed a break - nothing wrong with that! Hope things calm down and you will feel less stressed soon.

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  26. I watched some Antiques Roadtrip. Izzy Balmer and Catherine Southern. I watched an episode of Dateline and put myself to bed with a book.

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  27. There is certainly nothing wrong with taking some "me time," given all that you've had going on! Know-it-alls can be exhausting, even if not deliberately evil.

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  28. I applaud your decision. Time not well spent is time you never get back. You know what you like, and you have every right to avoid things and people who irritate you. -Kate

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  29. How weird that I couldn't REPLY to your REPLY. I just wanted to tell you that I watch only for the commercials too. My favorite was the one with Jason Momoa. Granted, I can't help it because he's from Hawaii.

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