I Go To A Bar.

 An elderly woman with dementia is struggling right now. Her husband is in the hospital about 1 1/2 hours from home, and she wants to see him every day. Her daughter had been with her for nearly a week, and they went daily, but the poor woman doesn't seem to remember that. All she knows is that she wants to see her husband. 

Trying to arrange care for her is hard. None of the local 'homes' have openings for the two of them, and so they continue at home. They have care coming in 3 times a week, but it is not nearly enough. The family stuffs the refrigerator with food, but she doesn't remember that she has it. It's really not a good situation right now. 

The daughter had to go back home, and was concerned about her mom on her own. Her brother was coming in but had not yet arrived. I volunteered to go down to fill the interim. "I'll take her out for supper," I said. I thought that it would be a nice distraction for her. I thought a little drive would do her good. It was a beautiful day but cold. 

She was delighted to see me, although she had no idea who I was. I explained several times during the course of the afternoon. and saw the comprehension dawning.  An hour later, I'd be fielding the same questions and once again, watching her understanding come yet again. 

So, it was an interesting but not unpleasant afternoon. I listened to her stories of days gone by, and she really is a funny, funny lady. Her humor is something that dementia has not taken from her. I told a few funny stories of my own, and we had a lot of laughs. 

It was getting towards supper time, and (not knowing about the stuffed fridge), I said, "Hey. Would you like to go out to eat?" 

She worried that someone might be coming to pick her up to take her to Erie. They weren't, but I assured her that they could reach my cell if they did.

I let her pick the place and was a bit surprised when she named a local bar. I'd never been, but she assured me that they had all kinds of sandwiches there. It was out of my comfort zone: one woman with dementia in a bar I did not know, but it was me that put the question to her. 

We pulled into the gravel parking lot. It's quite a jampacked place on Friday and Saturday nights, but we got there a couple hours before the place got hopping. I quietly explained the situation to the woman behind the bar, and she led us to a table where my friend could see all, underneath the taxidermied head of a buck smoking a cigarette. 

While we waited for our burgers, she suddenly got up and set off. I was a bit concerned, but she crossed the building past the bar and headed for the bathroom like she knew exactly what she was doing. 

As I kept an eye in her general direction, my sister texted to make sure we were doing okay. "Yes" I answered, and, just for giggles added, "She's halfway through her first beer." 

My friend returned to the table, and I told her what I had just texted Anna, and she laughed merrily, and then she said. "There's a man at the bar with very long hair. I couldn't resist. I grabbed his pony tail and pulled his hair." And she laughed and laughed. 

Cue Lynyrd Skynrd

At about the same time, my sister messaged back "SHE DOESN'T DRINK!!!!!"

I asked my friend nervously, "What did he say?" and she replied, "I didn't stop. I just kept on walking..." and she laughed some more. 

Ye gods and little fishes! I texted my sister. "JK about the beer. Not JK about her pulling some guy's hair." My sister, ever helpful said, "We are laughing here..." 

The burger was good. The frenchfries were the best I ever had. We got out of there with no trouble, and we spent the rest of the afternoon driving around the places she knew as she remembered them to me, and the ghosts of the people who lived there years ago. 

We got home and she began stripping down in the dining room, and conversationally asked me if I was going home soon. She got pajamas on, and my sister texted to say that if she was getting ready for bed that it was perfectly fine to leave her for the night. 

She walked into the livingroom as another daughter called to check on her. "Everything is fine," she said. She told her that she had company. "I don't know her name though..."