Tim has had some health problems since last fall, what with the cough that lasted from the end of October to February. His stroke in January. A bit of a roller coaster, but Tim rode it out like he always does, minimizing everything.
The good thing to come out of it is that he's being thoroughly evaluated by his new doctor, and she quickly found some concerning things.
He was transferred to a specialist back in May. We had to wait a long time for the special MRI needed for the biopsy. Then the biopsy was canceled. Then the biopsy finally happened.
In between all that time, I guess we were both pretty pragmatic. I mean, really, Tim is never sick. The past calendar year has been a real abberation. Cancer doesn't run in his family. His people tend to live into their 90s, and even then they don't die of cancer. Plus, only 10% of biopsies reveal cancer.
All those things are tremendously reassuring, aren't they? The odds seemed to be in our favor.
Except the doctor called two days after the biopsy to leaves a message that he needed to talk to Tim. That alone sent a shiver down my spine.
Tim has cancer.
Yesterday was his PET scan. Today was the appointment with his doctor. The doctor said, "There are prostate cancers that you simply live with, you go on, and life doesn't change, and everything is fine. This cancer is not that cancer."
I felt my face going numb with shock. Tim's face said nothing at all. He listened.
It was a quiet car ride home.
It seems the stroke changed the trajectory of Tim's medical life. A new doctor with a fresh eye and a finger on all the technology available is a good change. All the doctors and treatments currently available is a big plus. A lot to think about for both of you. I hope your discussions are frank and fruitful. All my best wishes as you proceed.
ReplyDeleteIt has.
DeleteOh, Debbie. I know something of how you feel; my husband was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer back in December of 2011, and it was a real shock. And a really hard time for us both. But we got through and here we are in 2023, doing well. But that initial shock is really hard to process. I'm so sorry you and Tim have had this fall in your lap. Please feel free to email me if you need someone to "talk" to (sparrowtree23@gmail.com). Sometimes talking to someone who's been there is really helpful.
ReplyDeleteI'm of course sending you both my very warmest thoughts and best wishes. Be gentle with yourselves as you process all this. It's a lot. Hugs.
I'm still wrapping my head around it. This is lifechanging for him.
DeleteSomeone very close to me was diagnosed a few years ago. After the initial investigations, he only has to see his specialist once a year for a check.
ReplyDeleteMy uncle has lived with a nonaggressive prostate cancer for many, many years as well.
DeleteI'm so sorry Debby. If you have any questions, just email me. I work in cancer care.
ReplyDeleteI'll probably have questions once I wrap my head around it, but I think for right now, I need to stick to this one case, but I will keep you in the 'tool box'.
DeleteDear Debby! I’m so sorry for you both to get that message from the doctor. I’m sending you both warm hugs and all the best wishes in the world❤️Xo, Ricki
ReplyDeleteIn the end, I have to hold to the fact that 78% of men are doing fine 10 years after treatment.
DeleteOh Debby... my dad was diagnosed with this in 2000, he was 63. I hope Tim has a fighting chance. You guys are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences, Doug. THings have changed a lot in 23 years, and that in itself is good news.
DeleteAwful news and a huge shock indeed. The positives are the doctor being immediately on top of things, the speed of the tests (sometimes they require an agonizing wait), and the many effective treatments for prostate cancer. I lost my husband to lung cancer nearly 11 years ago; prostate cancer is much more treatable with better outcomes. Sending you positive thoughts and strength.
ReplyDeleteThe doctor is thorough, that's for sure.
DeleteYou are both in my thoughts. I guess a positive (if there is one) is that the doctor thoroughly investigated Tim after the stroke and found this before it has wreaked too much damage - we can hope.
ReplyDeleteWe can hope.
DeleteWarm and encouraging wishes to you both. Bonnie in Minneapolis
ReplyDeleteIt is one of those things that, once we are able to wrap our heads around things, I'm sure that it will be easier. Initially, there is just so much shock. That's where we're at now, I guess.
DeleteOh Debby I’m so sorry for you both… sending best wishes for strong response to treatment and casting about for more helpful words to offer, will send if I find! Another Deb
ReplyDeleteWe'll get it sorted, I'm sure. Coming to grips with it is a bit of a struggle for both of us.
DeleteI'm very sorry to hear of Tim's diagnoses. It's a shock and we can't believe it. However, I hope that there is treatment and life will go on,
ReplyDeleteMost men do respond to treatment, so I am hopeful.
DeleteSo sorry you're having to navigate this new challenge. Even tough guys can get a rotten diagnosis. Be sure an review the options and treatments with the doctors and be present at each of his appointments. Take some good notes so you two can make decisions amongst the options. Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteRight now, there does not seem to be a lot of options. Three things are being discussed, and only question for us to decide is in what order these things should be done.
DeleteI can only add my thoughts and best wishes to all of those above.
ReplyDeleteA good friend was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few years ago. He underwent treatment and is now fit and well, still happily with us. I hope that Tim will successfully ride out this latest storm.
We have every reason to be hopeful at this point.
DeleteTake extra care of yourself as well as Tim.
ReplyDeleteYou know what the balance is going to be? Not hovering. Allowing Tim to do the things he wants to do. Already, I find myself wanting to 'protect him'.
DeleteOh no Debby. All the best on this being the cancer that gets treated and has a good outcome.
ReplyDeleteWe really do have every reason to be hopeful at this point.
DeleteThinking of you both. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you, Pat.
DeleteOh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I'm sure you both have a million questions and a million uncertainties. I'm keeping you both in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteYes. Millions of questions....
DeleteDebby, all I can say is that it is surprising what you can come to terms with and live with. Some of the treatments such as chemo are just awful, but you get through them. I'm still here - going up ladders and cutting back high bushes, which isn't in the script. Wife makes sure I don't do anything silly.
ReplyDeleteTasker, I know this to be true. Absolutely. What cannot be changed must be endured. Chemo is tough stuff, but it is the little things (like trimming high bushes, perhaps?) that allow us to feel that life goes on somewhat normally.
DeleteWe found out my husband had prostate cancer 6 years ago. Most men have the slow-growing kind; his was the fast-growing kind, so he needed an aggressive treatment. He doesn't like all the results of his "cure", but he's been cancer free every time he goes for his yearly checkup. He wishes he hadn't approved his particular kind of "cure" the doctor thought was best, but that may have been what saved him... so I'm thankful.
ReplyDeleteI have sent you an e-mail.
DeleteI come from long lines of people who live nearly to or past the age of 90 and there has been no cancer at all... until my mom's cancer that took her at 63. It shook me to my core. So I guess I know a bit about what you are going through. You both have my thoughts and prayers in the coming days/weeks/months/years.
ReplyDeleteIt was surely a bolt out of the blue, so to speak. I honestly never saw this one coming.
DeleteYou will help Tim get through this, do take notes and find out all the treatment options and get cracking. Glad you have a doctor who is on to it. Be easy on Tim. Gigi
ReplyDeleteIf I can figure out how to rein him in, just a little, it would ease my heart. He's on a roof right now.
DeleteAs others have said, you and Tim are strong and you will get through this. A good friend of ours has the same cancer as Tim and he is in remission 15 years later. My thoughts are with you
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteSo sorry to hear about that.
ReplyDeleteYes. Me too.
DeleteThis is not what anyone wants to hear. Please know that there are so many of us out here who are sending love to you both. Tim is strong and so are you. I imagine that there is a good chance that he will respond well to treatment. Not going to be easy but you two are very good at doing things that are not easy. Wish I could hug you.
ReplyDeleteI would take that hug too.
DeleteYou know what to do - deep breaths and one day at a time. Sorry to hear this news but wishing you and Tim the best.
ReplyDeleteThere is no other sensible way to do it.
DeleteThe word itself is frightening. Prostate cancer for most is not. My husband has been 'watchful' for any changes for nearly 20 years.
ReplyDeleteI know several people in the same situation. Simply put, in the words of the doctor, "this cancer is not THAT cancer". It is highly aggressive. Tim himself keeps trying to minimize it. The doctor was very clear that we are dealing with a whole different set of circumstances.
DeleteOh goodness, that's not what you want to hear. I hope and pray it's at an early stage and treatable. You must both be so shocked right now though. Holding you both in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Jenny.
DeleteYou are in my prayers.❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you Robin.
DeleteI hate to hear this, Debby. You know I care and you know I'll be praying. Cancer treatments have come a long way, so I choose to think positively. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteThey have. The stuff they are talking about sounds like science fiction.
DeleteShocking news. Wishing you guys the best. Hopefully, remediation will work.
ReplyDeleteI see every reason to be hopeful.
DeleteBlessings, love and prayers, my friend. Keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bob. I am expecting good things.
DeleteThe kind of news we never want to hear. I hate this for both of you. His good health and vigor are in his favor, and truly medicine has come a long way in the treatment of cancers. Many men live long lives after avdiagnosis like this.. Sending the best vibes and hopes for you both.
ReplyDeleteHe is sturdy and strong. We do have that going in our favor.
DeleteKeeping you, Tim, and family in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Damselfly. It will all slide into place, I think, once we stop stumbling all over this first hurtle. We were talking as he ate lunch. I said that this was the biggest thing that we'd weathered in our marriage. He said, "I've never dealt with anything this big in my LIFE." Big deals really do initially throw us off balance, don't they?
ReplyDeleteNO! Oh no... Debby. I can't take it all in. He's on the roof? Oh gosh! Our friend, who I told you about had surgery and he looks good now. He didn't look great for a year, but he's now OK... obviously some things aren't the same. But the main thing is he's living well with it. You will be the rock that Tim will have to lean on. And I know how strong you are.
ReplyDeleteI actually can already see that we are leaning into each other.
DeleteI can only add to all the above messages and hope for a positive outcome for Tim. I know someone who went through the same diagnosis, had his prostate removed, and after a long recovery is back to running his business and doing construction etc. He said the recovery was tough but he is great now. My very best to you both at this tough time. XXXXX
ReplyDeleteThat's good news. I guess that is what is the most encouraging, hearing that others have walked this path and come out just fine.
DeleteMy husband is on the other end of this situation. He also was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer. He received treatment and is doing great now. Of course, he will continue to be tested but for how horrifying the beginning was, it was a journey we survived. It is scary but they really do have good treatments now.
ReplyDeleteThe surgery would have been considered science fiction maybe 30 years ago.
DeleteOMG, I have been away for a bit and just saw this post. I am so sorry to hear this. Even if it is an aggressive one, there is treatment available. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteWe are very fortunate to live in these days, aren't we? (And I can tell you that I haven't felt like that for a looooooong time.)
DeleteHi Debby, I have just read this. My son was diagnosed with prostate cancer last September at the age of 53. He lives in Perth, Australia and there they have Prostate Care nurses. He said talking to one soon after diagnosis was the best thing he could have done. After the initial shock he and his partner had so many questions. Hopefully you may have something similar there. He had his prostate removed last November and I'm happy to say that he is doing really well now. He has made some podcasts and YouTube clips (retired journalist) which may be of use to you both. If you would like any of the links feel free to email me at kazza_49@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteThinking of you both. Karen
Thank you Karen.
DeleteIt is not a pleasant moment for sure but cancer is not what it used to be.Statistically it is estimated one in two Americans will at some point be diagnosed with it.An early diagnosis, a thorough doctor as well as a supportive network make a big difference.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, this was not discovered early, but we do know that everything that can be done will be done, and in the end, the numbers are reassuring.
DeleteDoes the doctor/hospital have a patient portal which you can access to read their reports and look at the results of scans etc. Most do these days, might be worth checking it out. We read all our reports and results through patient portals. Sometimes you just don't grasp or remember everything that is said at the time. XXXXX I am not trying to be anonymous, it won't let me post under my account. Maureen T.
ReplyDeleteWe do have access to that. We had not thought of it at this point, but I am sure that we will make good use of it
ReplyDelete