Monday, June 5, 2023

Upset

Tim and I have been very busy (as you may have noticed). He needed one more piece of pipe for the french drain. He always measures things out exactly. Precisely. My take on it is that you might want to have just a smidge extra on hand. Just in case. He's not a great believer in smidges, so it regularly happens that we are almost done, but we run just a bit short. Yesterday, it was the pipe. 

"Huh," he said. 

I said, "I really hate that you do this, Tim. If you wind up with an extra piece, we can return it, but it really is a pain in the ass to be almost done, but not quite...." 

And he said, "Well, it's probably good that it worked out this way, because I think that I'm going to go ahead and set it up so that the gutter system on the roof runs right into the french drain as well." (As opposed to just running on top of the ground). 

I let him think it was a good thing that he'd shorted himself on that extra pipe.

So last night, he said, "I'll go finish up the french drain. If you could finish up the bathroom at the rental, that would be great." 

I said, "Yes. I can do that. I have a pile of books to donate to the library anyway, and it will give me a chance to wash my summer clothes. I'll pack away my sweaters." 

"Okay," he said. 

So I got up and started laundry first thing this morning. I packed away the books Cara wanted to keep. I gathered up the books that she didn't want to keep, took pictures of another book case to send to her so that she could make her decisions on that. 

I watered my tomatoes, peppers and hanging baskets. 

I dropped two shopping bags of books at the library and then headed over to finish up at the rental. For good measure, I did weeding. 

I came back home, folded laundry, put it away. 

I popped the chicken in the oven and chopped vegetables to steam. I went down to meet William. 

I finally texted Tim at five. "Where are you?" I asked. 

He was still up at the new build site. I figured he was fiddling with the french drains still, but when he walked in the door an hour later, he was plainly exhausted, sunburnt. 

I looked at him in amazement. 

People: William and I had sealed where the footer and the bottom of the wall met. That's what the inspector asked for. Today, Tim decided that he wanted to tar the whole way up the outside of the basement wall. He did the whole thing. By himself.  The thing is, he did not have to do that by himself. There was not one thing that I did today that could not have been pushed to another day, had I known that he (once again) decided to do things differently.

"You need to keep me in the loop," I said, and I wasn't very patient about it. "So what's going on tomorrow?" Turned out the Amish crew was returning. 

"Tim! I haven't got lunch figured out!" 

In thinking it over, I decided the best thing to do was to just go ahead and get sandwich meat and sliced cheese from the deli. They could make up their own subs, and lord knows, whatever did not get eaten could be tossed into the freezer. We'll be needing quick grab and go lunches for the foreseeable future. 

Tim was so exhausted, but he said, "I'll drive you." 

"No, actually, you'll stay put, eat supper and relax. William and I will run out."

I bought two pounds each of smoked turkey, roast beef, honey ham, and salami. I got swiss and american cheese, having cheddar and provolone at home. I bought three tomatoes to slice, along with a head of lettuce to shred. I bought another case of water, two boxes of ice cream sandwiches (they love ice cream) and I picked up 24 pastries for their coffee break. I bought 24 sub buns. We got more gatoraid. 

I don't think that we'll be running out of food this time. Unlike Tim, I always like to have a smidge extra on hand. 

I got home and was setting things up for Tim. He came into the kitchen. He was stuttering so badly that I couldn't understand him. I stood staring at him, feeling sick. I was having a flash back of him trying to talk when I took him to the hospital back in January for his stroke. 

Carefully, I said, "You're stuttering pretty badly. Do you feel okay?" Inside, my mind was ticking boxes. 

F.A.S.T - Face: he smiled at me, as if I was being ridiculous. No drooping.

                Arms: he was putting groceries away. no weakness. 

                Speech: Scary. He was trying to say 'parole officer'. Several tries later, he got it. 

He scared the shit out of me. Of course, he thought that I was over reacting. 

After the boy went to bed, I let him have it. He needs to keep me in the loop. He cannot push himself like this. I made it clear to him that if he ever pushed himself like this again, I would simply not let him go up there by himself. It was stupid, and it was unnecessary and by GOD, he'd better never do that to me again. 

He's in bed right now. 

I'm too upset to sleep. Amazingly, I'm also too upset to cry, but I think that I'd feel much better if I could.

31 comments:

  1. 😢 As Anonymous said, hugs…. Many of them…

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think that I might dismiss something that should have been addressed.

      Delete
  2. It is hard to realize that we can't do everything the way we once did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He needs to accept that. We always tell William, "Listen, you can either get yourself under control, or we'll get you under control." I told Tim last night that I was using the same warning on him.

      Delete
  3. It's difficult but this new adventure is going to be hard on both of you work wise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will be a lot easier if we work as a team.

      Delete
  4. It seems you are both under a lot of pressure right now. When this part of the building process is done will you be able to take some time out to rest and recuperate?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah Jaycee. The two projects we've got going on right now will stretch into the next couple years. Right now, things are hectic, but they will settle down into a normal work schedule. It's just hectic because we are working on other people's work schedules.

      Delete
  5. Our gutter system is tied into a below ground drain system and I love it and would never build a house any other way. It beats always having partially crushed gutter downspouts that I accidently stepped on or ran over with the lawnmower.

    We have a neighbor that often hires an Amish crew. He once took them out to eat and then said he would never do that again because they eat so much and it was so expensive. Now he only does it on the rare occasion and always to an all you can eat buffet with a set price.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These fellas are rail thin. That's how hard they work. Mind boggling, really, the amount of food they can pack away.

      Delete
  6. Men are so invincible, until they aren't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, the invincible man has run up against the invincible woman.

      Delete
  7. Oh that is a bit scary and you've a right to be peeved. Men, eh? Just thinking that of the couples that I can think of, it seems to be the guys who are in worse physical shape. Maybe mentally too.

    ReplyDelete
  8. He doesn't understand how traumatic his stroke was for you and he's a stubborn man. He might be scared too but too stubborn to admit it.
    My husband won't even see a doctor (too scared of what they'll find out I think).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that his stroke was traumatic for him too. His solution is to just go on like it never happened. He can't. He's got to slow down and be sensible.

      Delete
  9. Oh, honey. I guess that Tim just does not grasp the concept that if he keeps working like this he's not going to live long enough to ever live in his dream house. I am married to a man who can try me in the same ways. It is so frustrating. I do cry about it and I know that sometimes, you do too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When he is tired, you can tell that he's had a stroke. Yesterday he was really tired. and those signs were in LED. I have a very hard time deciding if these things are new problems, or the old issues popping up because he is tired. I'm sick that I'll make the wrong decision.

      Delete
    2. Debby, would it give you peace of mind, if it happens again, to err on the side of caution, and assume the worst and take him to Emergency? Yes, expensive, but you won’t have to be sick and/or regret anything…. (And sometimes men will do things to avoid expense that they won’t do for their health!)

      Delete
  10. Big virtual hugs ((((0))))
    Pirate still overdoes it despite everything he knows....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is just that it is so unnecessary. That's what is most frustrating to me. We come up with a game plan, and then he comes along and changes it all up. The possibility of another stroke scares the crap out of me.

      Delete
  11. The first time I went on my bicycle after the seizure, I got quite breathless which left me unable to say anything except nonsense. It is a strange thing to experience. It scared me so much I've stopped going out on the bike and am careful now not to push things too hard. It's best to be careful and sensible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can only hope that this episode scared him as much as it scared me.

      Delete
  12. Tim must feel that he may run out of time so he's trying to work faster. But he will only make his time shorter if he doesn't take care of himself. Of course, you know that and you want to take care of him but he wants to take care of you! At least there is lots of LOVE involved! You two will work it out...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have made up my mind that I am going to win this one. He is not the only bullheaded person in the family.

      Delete
  13. Has Tim ever been on an honestly integrated, functioning team? One he was productively part of? With responsibility for his performance and the performance of the team?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is an interesting question Joanne. He has, but I would guess that those times we the exception to the rule. He is very responsible though. He always has been.

      Delete
  14. It took me a long time (70+ years) to realize that I was not bulletproof, it wasn't easy. But listening to Allison finally talked some sense into my thick head. I do wish that Tim will learn this lesson from you like I did from her. He needs to take it easier.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I keep hammering away at that thick head. He scares me a lot, and that has never happened before.

      Delete
  15. Maybe a quiet comment to a couple of the workers to watch out for him during the process —is he taking a break, drinking enough water, sitting down in the shade for 10 minutes? If you feel you have to watch him, you deserve some help, too. Take care,
    Bonnie in Minneapolis

    ReplyDelete

I'm glad you're here!