The Importance of being Unconscious.

 I think, strangely, the toughest part of this, for me is the lack of sleep. The pain is bad, but you know, you can work your way through pain if you have the knowledge that it will end, and that things will get better. (They are getting better, by the way, and it is only 3 days past surgery.)

But the overnight at the hospital nearly did me in. 

It was so noisy, and it really was not the fault of the nurses, not really. They had two post surgical patients who were doing a lot of yelling. One of them probably was a patient with dementia. So it was noisy. And what I tried my best to do at the beginning of the night was to take care of myself as best I could. I know that they were pleased that I was up and walking, and not only walking but walking well. 

That made me glad too. 

But there was also plain carelessness. My two goals for that first night were to be up and sitting in a chair and to stay in control of the pain, and they listed when I was due for more pain medication right on the white board there with my goals. 

So, I was up and when I finished in the bathroom, I came out to the chair to tick that first goal off. I was trying to be as easy as possible for my nurse, who was very nice. Soft spoken. But when I sat in that chair, my feet did not reach the floor, and having my leg just dangling, was excrutiating for my knee. I asked for my leg to be elevated. The nurse said doubtfully, "They don't want it elevated." I said, "I can't take this. It is too painful." 

She whisked out of the room. I assumed she was going to ask for advice, but she did not return. I sat there in my chair in agony, and even worse? My call bell was on the nightside table. I couldn't get to it. My walker had been moved to the other side of the room, a safety protocol I think, to keep strong willed patients from marching all over their room unsupervised. 

My supper was delivered, and though I was told I would get a regular diet, I was delivered a cup of broth and some blueberry yogurt frozen ice thing. In hindsight, I wonder why I did not speak to the young man who brought my meal, ask him to go get a nurse. I don't know. I honestly can't tell you. I just felt sick with pain, and I hadn't eaten in 24 hours, and I. Just. Don't. Know. 

I ate, because it seemed like the thing to do, and truthfully, the broth and the frozen stuff really did fill me up. Finally, at shift change, the night nurse came in and was introduced, and the day nurse was a bit horrified to find me sitting there with my supper tray in front of me, still in my chair. I had been forgotten. That's the reward of being a stoic, I guess. 

They were dismayed that I'd only had clear liquids for supper and sent down, right away for a turkey sandwich. It came with a cup of fruit and a bag of chips, and let me tell you, although I thought the pain was more important than food, turns out that I was wrong. I ate every bit of that supper. 

I said, "I can't stand this pain anymore. I really can't. I need to go to the bathroom and to get my teeth brushed and go to bed." 

Very efficiently, they helped me get that done. 

I was given a pain killer, which I took like the obedient patient I was. 

The yelling went on. I adjusted my television to one of those 'sound of nature' programs and tried to will myself to sleep, but I was up every hour on the hour. The compression machine alarm kept going off, and they were getting upset with that. It squeezes your legs to prevent blood clots, and quite honestly, it was very soothing...in between the alarms. They finally just unhooked it all together. 

They assured me that they'd left the machine that ices the joint functioning. I honestly did feel like it wasn't working, and mentioned that, but was assured that it was. 

The IV alarm went off twice in the night to let them know the antibiotics were done. 

The patients kept yelling. 

At 3:09, I heard a triumphant shout "Hooray! I did it!" followed by a lot of cheering. That's when I began to be a bit irritated with the nurses. 

I asked to go to the bathroom, and the nurse came in. She apologized for the rowdiness in the hall. (I had not mentioned it...) She put down the bedroom and left the room. That's where the second mistake of the night happened. I thought she was in the room. The other nurses just stayed right in the room. I made my way to the bed, made it up again, and waited for her to return. She did not. Once again the call bell was across the room on the table. 

Finally, in desperation, I got myself into bed by myself. I could not hook up the ice to my knee. My door was closed because I requested it. I couldn't get my siderail up. I couldn't reach my button. I was so exhausted that I was nauseous and I was in a lot of pain because I didn't request my pain killer. I laid there in a mess trying to sort out when I had the last dose. At 5AM a person came in to do the labs, and I poured out my tale of woe to her. 

She got someone to come in who put up my bedrail, got my call bell for me, complained that she'd unhooked my leg things on purpose because of the alarm, I tried to explain that the gentle squeezing and ice felt very nice. She hooked me up once again, gave me my pain killer and swooped out of the room. She was not happy, and she showed it. 

Once again, the ice machine, squeezing machine began to beep, and when I rang my bell, she was very much annoyed. "That's why I unhooked it!" Unhooked it. Swept back out the door. 

By that point, I was feeling pretty nauseous. I know that I throw up when I am exhausted. I always have. But at this point, I was feeling as if it was partly due to the pain killers, and I didn't know what to do. I mean, I needed pain relief. 

Long story short, the next nurse to come in found in the throes of dry heaving, and I was beyond all caring about the poor nurses at that point. I cried. I said that there were things that were beyond their control, and I am sorry for that, but also, there were things that weren't beyond their control. Regularly checking on patients for one thing. 

The morning nurse figured out that my ice machine was not working because no one had put ice water into it, so there was no cold water to be pumped through. I was a mighty mess, people. 

Long story short, a primary care physician came in to tell me what they were sending me home with, drug wise. I said, "Please...is there a pain relief that is not a narcotic? I really think that is why I am throwing up." He said, "Oh, we will give you something for the vomiting." 

They did. 

It helped. 

When the nurse came to read through the prescriptions that would be waiting for pick-up, once again, I said, "I think the pain killers are making me sick. Isn't there anything else that I can have that is not a narcotic?" and she said, "This is not the same thing that you had in the hospital. I promise you that it will be different, once you are home."

I got out of there and home without getting sick in the car and I fell straight into bed and slept face down, feet hanging off the bed, for 2 1/2 hours. I came out to the couch and slept for two hours more. As night closed in, the discomfort began to increase. I took the anti nausea stuff and waited a bit before taking the pain killer. 

Spoiler: It was not different, and I got sick. 

I was also awake at 5am in bad pain, and unwilling to take anything for it. 

I struggled through the day, but in the end. I got through the day, and it was not fun, although at that point, I was pretty sure that I was not going to die. 

Last night, I went to bed and couldn't get comfortable. I had nothing for pain. I finally got up and did exactly what you are not supposed to do. I took an OTC sleep aid at 3 AM, and fell blessedly and soundly asleep. I slept until nearly 9, and got up, made myself my own high protein breakfast and...now I'm sitting here at the computer like any other morning...

In hindsight, Bob-ert, the advice I would leave you with is to be very clear about what you need and what you don't need. It would have been helpful to have an advocate sitting there to be my voice when I couldn't seem to get anyone to understand what I needed. 

And...whatever it takes, get some sleep!