The other day, Tim took himself to McDonalds to eat. I had a couple appointments, but I was also going to take advantage of the day to get some groceries for Christmas, and pick up a few odds and ends that we needed from various stores, pick up some pictures I'd gotten printed off, things like that.
Anyway, later he told me about something that really bothered him a lot. There was a man sitting at a table in the corner with a cup of coffee. He was thin and tired looking, but he was quiet. Tim watched him curiously as he ate. The man dozed off.
An indignant woman came up to the table and in a harsh voice, woke him up. "Get out of here! Kelly doesn't want you here! Go on. Get out!"
The man quietly got up and left with his coffee.
It bothered Tim a lot. "She wasn't anybody," he said. "She didn't work there. She was just another customer, and the guy was not hurting anyone, sitting quietly."
We do have a homeless guy who sleeps outside. I'm not going to say where he is, because some high school boys found his sleeping place and took all of his things, his sleeping bag and his rucksack and threw it all in the river some time back, which I found horrifying.
Anyways, today we drywalled the ceiling in the front hall at the rehab. It was kind of tricky because it is a small tight place with stairs on one side so it makes the work space even tighter, but we got it done with a minimum of problems. In fact, I think it is the first time that we've ever done a drywall job and got all the pieces to fit perfectly on the first cut. No trimming or rasping required. Maybe we'll be professionals by the time that this job is done.
When we were done, we headed out. Tim said, "I want to go to McDonalds and grab lunch." I had an idea he was still thinking about that fellow from last week.
We placed our order and sat down to wait. The place was hopping busy. I'm not sure what the hold up was, but we waited for a half hour. The table next to us had a snappish mother and two young children who were hungry and fretful. A small group of door dash delivery people stood at the pick up, waiting for their orders, talking loudly. people came walked in. People walked out. An elderly man sat at a table with a small cup of coffee, dozing quietly.
I said to Tim, "Is that the guy you saw the other day?" Tim looked behind him. "Yep," he said. "That's him." We sat in that noisy place, waiting for our food, discussing what to do, and making our plan. In spite of that noise, the man dozed, his white head bobbing just the slightest bit.
A lot of people would see a broken man sitting quietly in the corner, trying not to draw attention to himself because it is cold outside. But as we eat, we watch the people coming and going, walking past him with their large bags of food to go, or the people dumping their partially eaten food in the trash, or the people sitting together talking merrily as Christmas carols play in the background. I think they must be broken too, that they cannot see, that they do not notice, that they are not moved at the sight.
You and Tim are very special people. I can't wait to hear what your plan is.
ReplyDeleteOh, it is done. A quiet pat on the shoulder as he started awake, a whispered 'merry christmas', and a bit of folded paper tucked under his hand. That's all.
DeleteThat was nice, very nice.
ReplyDeleteI guess my point is that we cannot change the big picture, not right now. But we can agree to see the small picture, the troubling details of that picture. We could not wave a magic wand to fix that man's situation. However we can make it better for that day. And every single one of us has an opportunity to to do that, to make things better for someone. But first we need to see.
DeleteNice conclusion to your post.
ReplyDeleteOh, I think an even better conclusion would be to have a magic wand. That would be great, wouldn't it?
DeleteI am glad you saw him again. Thank you for helping him.
ReplyDeleteOur town is a small one, Miss Merry. It would be strange if we didn't see him again. If it is the man that we heard about, his sleeping place is very close. The businesses know that he is there, and have agreed to leave him be. One of them lets him use their shower. I'm going to check in with her.
DeleteI would have had to help to, I think I would have got him some food also and ask if I could eat with him. Thank you for taking care of him. He probably got a senior coffee that is not very much, and it warmed his body. I had a Hispanic man helping me in the yard. I paid him well and he was pleased but then I looked at him and said may I hug you; he was so surprised he kept saying yes and I gave him a nice hug, he hugged me back with a big smile. The man had worked for me before, so I knew him somewhat. I think the hug meant a lot to him and it made me feel good to.
ReplyDeleteA hug does the world of good, and does the world good too
DeleteA hug is a gift to the hugger, as well as too the huggee.
DeleteYou two do many things to keep the world a kinder place. Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteWant to partner with us? I'll bet you if you look around, you'll see something to do in Kansas!
DeleteIt is fascinating what we see and what we ignore - and I guess we are all guilty of that in some ways and at certain times. I’m convinced that in future centuries it will be the biggest moral critique of our times - that we allow so much suffering in a world that’s so rich in its resources. Your experience is a microcosm of a much bigger issue and I share my part in that too - it’s hard to see how we change it, except by acts of kindness like yours.
ReplyDeleteWe absolutely all do it. Tim did it last week. He watched a woman being mean to another human being and it bothered him a lot, but he said nothing. He's a quiet man. Me? I would have probably challenged her, but that is my nature.
DeleteThe first step to a kinder world is seeing the cruelty and the sadness of it, and making the decision to act.
You and Tim are good people, bless you.
ReplyDeleteI think most people are good people.
DeleteWell done on both counts..the drywalling and the man.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand how people order so much food when the probably know that they won't eat it all...and won't share either...
Some people are broken, gz. They can't see.
DeleteI agree -- it's hard to imagine why the restaurant (or the fellow customers) couldn't have a little more compassion.
ReplyDeleteNobody was bothering him while we were there. Indeed, no one seemed to even notice him.
DeleteI was hoping that you would give him some food, but I saw in the comments that you did make a contribution. Poor guy.
ReplyDeleteWe thought that money would allow him to stay. They won't kick out a paying customer. If someone made a stink, he could simply buy a hamburger or something.
DeleteA few years ago we had two men sleeping outside in our village, on our Facebook page a call went out, within a short while, one man had a place in a shelter, the second guy did not want such a place, someone let him stay in their small summer let, we along with many other people, popped to our local pub and paid for his hot meals, he did move on once the weather was warmer. It's the little things which make our world better.
ReplyDeleteExactly. I love that this was a community effort too.
DeleteWhat a lovely gesture. It's like a modern day Dickens Christmas story. Merry Christmas and goodwill towards all men and women Debby.
ReplyDeleteYou can be that person too, Dave! Merry Xhristmas to you and the lovely J.
DeleteWe see people everywhere who are at the very bottom of what we call society and sometimes, we know it and sometimes, we don't. Can you imagine sleeping rough in the weather you've been having? And we can notice and we can even pass a little money over or buy food but do we ever ask anyone to come in and stay out of the cold with us? I know I don't. This is indeed a big picture problem and you are right- sometimes all we can do is be kind, be a little giving.
ReplyDeleteAs lovely at that gesture might seem, Mary, mental illness and homelessness go hand in hand, and making that gesture is actually opening the door to potential danger. We can show kindness, whixh allows you to get to know the person and their story, but to just take a person in off the streets is not smart.
DeleteOh no. I was not suggesting that anyone ever just ask someone in from off the streets. I am saying that what we can do as private citizens is so little when it comes to the big picture. We need to figure out how to truly make a difference in the lives of those who are unhomed.
DeleteYou and Tim have the true Spirit of Christmas in your hearts year round. This touched my heart and inspires me to do more to help those in need. Thank you. Wishing you and yours, a very Merry Christmas! Cali G
ReplyDeleteI think many people are rediscovering their own true spirit of Christmas.
DeleteIt always amazes me and saddens me, how people just walk by hurting people. Jack is appalled by the homeless people he sees on Whyte Ave, as am I. So many people have addiction issues and mental health issues, they go hand in hand.
ReplyDeleteOur federal government used residential schools to "take the indian out of the indian". There was no need to do that and what ended up happening was years of sexual, physical, and mental abuse, which has echoed through the generations since, bringing with it addictions and mental health issues.
Other families face severe poverty which brings about addictions and mental health issues too, like in my own family tree.
Thank you for reminding to do more, to see more and to be kinder. Merry Christmas Debby and Tim.
Merry Christmas, Pixie. The fact that Jack sees the suffering of others may mean that when the time comes, he will be moved to do something about it, to make a difference.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago in Flagstaff, Arizona, I found a similar man sitting on a sidewalk in front of a McDonalds. I asked if he wanted to eat and he nodded so I told him to come with me. Once at the counter, the man behind told the man he wasn't welcome and only after I responded that I was paying for his meal did he allow him to order. Then the cashier man asked the homeless man to leave the premises once they handed over our food. I joined the man outside on the sidewalk and ate there. I would have left my trash there too but didn't want the homeless man to get the blame.
ReplyDeleteI really don't understand the satisfaction some people get by being mean to others.
DeleteI think the next administration has made cruelty socially acceptable. We, as a nation, were better than this. Thank you for your kindness to an old man.
ReplyDeleteYes. I think you are right. Did you see the proud MAGA posing doing a mock execution of an immigrant?
DeleteI am appalled at the pure cruelty of some people, that old gentleman was not hurting anyone or anything. All he was doing was having a coffee and trying to keep warm. You and Tim are both good and kind souls. Marry Christmas to you both.
ReplyDeleteI heard of a church that leaves a door unlocked at night for people to get out of the cold. In the middle of cruelty, we do see people quietly trying to do the good thing. Merry Christmas to you and Allison too.
DeleteIt used to be that all churches were left unlocked. So sad that they are locked these days.
DeleteI am old enough to remember that, Sue. The church that I'm thinking of is a big one, and I believe that it is not completely unlocked. Just a vestibule or a hallway.
DeleteSmall gestures add up. If everyone would just see the value, but that's not likely. We must just try to do what we can. Wishing you and your Tim a peaceful Christmas filled with love and joy, Debbie.
ReplyDeleteI really do believe that as the situation devolves (and I believe that it will), we will collectively, once again, see the importance of kindness.
DeleteOh, Debbie. I could weep for what we've become...or maybe it was always this way. We need to look for the humanity on everyone. Thank you (and Tim) for seeing that man.
ReplyDeleteWe can choose not to be that. We can't make a decision for everyone else, but we can make that decision for ourselves.
DeleteI agree with Jennifer, and I think it's always been this way for humans; there are those who can see and those who cannot or will not. It's so easy to look the other way so that we don't have to "do anything" about what we see, as if turning our backs to it means it's not there. I want to look for "the helpers," as Mr. Rogers said. I want to be one of them, and give energy to the others. It's the only way to survive, by doing what we can rather than focusing on what we cannot do. If Viktor Frankl could do it in the face of the horrors of the concentration camps, we can do it, too. Kindness to one other human being counts, always.
ReplyDeleteIf we don't remember that, Karla, we will begin to feel as if there is no hope. There is hope. There is always hope.
DeleteI was recently given an epiphany about hope; I had abandoned hope as a child, and had no need for it, it felt too beggy and useless. A dear friend said I can have adult hope now, which is hope plus the ability and agency to do something about a circumstance. I can couple that with the ability to understand that there are things that are not within my abilities as well. (the Serenity prayer) May I bring that into the new year. Thank you for your thoughtful, insightful blog, Debby. I look forward to reading your words.
DeleteSome restaurants have a fund for your spare change, and someone in need of a meal can request from it. I saw this in action at a bagel shop in downtown Minneapolis many years ago. There was an older man with mental health issues in the neighborhood, always dressed in a large pile of clothes no matter the weather. He would come in for a sit, a coffee, or a sandwich. I watched well-dressed working men and women add their change to the jar and the counter people were watching out for him. Google “suspended coffee” and encourage your McDonald’s management to do the same.
ReplyDeleteOne step toward a happier new year.
Cheers, Bonnie in Minneapolis