I've really been feeling blaaaaaaaaaaaah...
I know that a big part of it is all this political stuff, all the hysteria. One poll tells predicts one thing, another says the opposite. It is a toss up. I found myself getting sucked back into facebook. I run a private group for people to discuss the current outrages. We blue dots need to stick together. But once again, I have discovered that FB is simply not a good place to spend a lot of time, especially if you're trying to avoid hysteria.
Television is hard, because Pennsylvania is a swing state and the PAC ads are awful. A Republican PAC is really trying to hammer home the fact that Kamala "lies...a LOT" and another ad tells us that she is a poor speaker. As if running the ad over and over again will make us forget who the incoherent liar really is.
The Atlantic cover for the month of October:
Justin Metz, the illustrator drew on the theme 'Something Wicked This Way Comes'. I think it is very effective.
On top of the whole political uncertainty, there is the added stress of working day in and day out with Tim on the new house. Building the house has been an adventure, and it is a good thing. I know that it is, but working day in and day out with your husband can get aggravating sometimes.
He has ideas. I might have different ideas. The thing that annoys me is that when he has an idea, it is the way it is done. That's just how it is going to be done. But if I have an idea on how things are done and he has a different idea, he will simply argue it forever. I've given in sometimes. I'm not getting the kitchen sink that I want, for instance. He has one that was put away some time back. It's an okay sink, brand new, black composite. So. I gave in on that. But there are other times when I don't want to compromise. For instance the microwave and the cupboard above the stove. We hashed it out. He argued. I refused to budge.
I think it's perfectly fair, since I do the cleaning, that I be allowed to have my way on it.
I thought it was settled.
Yesterday, he told me about a microwave he wanted to buy for above the stove. (!!!!!) I told him that I did not WANT a microwave above the stove, and explained myself once more. He said, "I don't think you understand..." and I said, "I don't think you understand..." and he said impatiently, "Well you'll have to show me, because I do not understand what you want." I said, "you most certainly do. I showed you and you showed me where you could wire in the microwave with no problem at all."
He was irked and I was irked and...well...now you know why the hell I need time away sometimes. The week before last, I drove tomatoes to Danville to meet up with my daughter-in-law and the granddaughters. Last week, I pulled water chestnuts. This week, I'm taking a felting class. It helps. Just getting away sometimes helps.
There's a lot of uncertainty right now, but there is one thing I AM certain of, and that is that there will not be a microwave and cupboard above the stove.
Until one has to regularly clean an over the stove microwave, fan and cupboard they don't have a clue in hell. Stick to your guns girl. I dream of taking a sledgehammer to mine.
ReplyDeleteI've given in quite a bit here. The pantry is mine and so is the kitchen. I gave up on 'my' kitchen sink. That's as far as I'm willing to budge on that.
DeleteI have a cupboard over my cooker - a brief attempt to clean it would convince anyone that it's not a great idea. Apparently it is much easier to persuade voters that someone is or isn't a good speaker; it was always said of Boris Johnson that he was a good debater, just because he threw in the odd Latin phrase here and there. In his early days as an MP he appeared on a satirical news quiz on TV and was tied in knots by the comedian Paul Merton, a man whose chief academic achievement was an O level in metalwork.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great idea. We have a microwave and a cupboard above our stove right now. I'll have him take a look.
DeleteThey beat me to it. Clearly your man has not thought this through and NEVER had to clean above anything you cook in! When Keith and I did up Ynyswen we were, I am relieved to say, singing from the same hymn sheet. We just instinctively knew what would make it look right again (as it was a restoration job). I think when it comes to things in the kitchen, your dear man should listen to the voice of experience - it is YOU that has to be in there, working, not him!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your felting class.
I think he was a little surprised when, after muuuuuch discussion, he simply said, "I found the microwave for over the stove..." as if I'd forget that I had so strongly opposed the idea just a few days prior. I didn't forget. Moreover, I felt just as strongly about it as I did when I refused to budge on it the first time.
DeleteI can't imagine how hard it would be to embark on such a massive project with your spouse. Dave and I have done some things together but nothing on that scale.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of Kamala being a poor speaker, relative to TRUMP? Well, that's absurd.
There's a lot of absurdity going on right now. Every time he opens his mouth, it is absurd. JD Vance has sold his soul for power, and he is making an ass of himself on a very big stage. People are calling him a 'shillbilly'.
DeleteI feel your pain.! I hesitate to embark on any large home improvements as what I would like doesn't come into the equation. I did manage to get green wallpaper in the sitting room, by default as the red wasn't available at the time, but he has never forgiven me and still says the red would have been better. The kitchen desperately needs a facelift ( as does a lot of the house) but I can't face the " discussions"!
ReplyDeleteIt gets exhausting. I mean, I think I've given in quite a bit. I've even admitted that some of his decisions were better than mine in the end. This one, however? It is a non-negotiable.
DeleteI had a new cooker a couple of years ago. The cost of it included installation, but current rules regarding where it could be placed had to be adhered to or the delivery guys would not be allowed to install it. I read them and found that that shelves above the cooker were a big no no. My kitchen is very small and I have shelves above the cooker to maximise storage space. They have been there for over 30 years without a problem, so I simply took them down and claimed to be redecorating until the cooker was installed! It might be worth checking the rules in your neck of the woods, as it could add weight to your argument.
ReplyDeleteI want to live where you live. No such rules exist here, sadly, except in Debby-land. Unfortunately, peaceful Debby-land is defending itself against the onslaught of a neighboring kingdom. She will prevail!
DeleteI'm glad you explained the picture. You do need to stand your ground, especially when it will be you who uses the microwave and stove. I'm sure Tim is right about some things, perhaps seeing what you would like as being more or harder work. You are wise for having some breaks, and I am sure there is plenty to do at home while Tim works.
ReplyDeleteNotice the elephant in the back of the horse drawn hearse. The elephant is the symbol of the republican party.
DeleteI would have thought it illegal to have anything above the cooker as well, apart from the cleaning of greasy cupboard drawers surely a cooker hood needs to be fitted.
ReplyDeleteI expect American politics sink as low as ours do just before an election, I'm sticking with Katty Kay and Scaramucci for updates ;)
It's not. But I reminded him of the microwave we had in our previous house which simply quit working after a long session of tomato canning. Too much moisture. I reminded him that we've replaced the microwave above the stove twice since we've been in this house. I think they last longer sitting in a corner on the counter. I'm trying to appeal to his practical nature.
DeleteThe Atlantic cover is very striking, very grim. There seems to be growing negativity around Kamala Harris. It seems obvious to me that anyone would be better than the orange one, but many, many disagree.
ReplyDeleteI think it is not growing negativity. It is just louder. That's really all it is. Noise.
DeleteI'm doing my best to stand back from politics and "news"...enough is enough.
ReplyDeleteTim is like Pirate..only more so! He needs to realise that teamwork doesn't mean it goes all one way!!
Above the stove? Only one thing.. cooker hood with an extractor fan, not just a filter ( although the state of a filter after a short while is enough to prove the point.)
Sometimes when a decision has been made, write it on a list prominently displayed...?
Yes, having a break is needed as 24/7 can get hard. ((Hugs))!
And...24/7 without him would be hard too. Your words have been sobering to read.
DeleteOh Lord, I so get you! I generally give in to my Hubs about most things home related, as I don't usually care, and what he does is always lovely. HOWEVER, when I want something, I stand up hard for it. When we remodeled, I had several non-negotiables: no carpeting, no draperies, no cloth furniture, only leather. (All easier to clean.) I simply told him that he gets his way 95 percent of the time, and if I didn't get what I wanted, we were not doing the remodel, period. Oh, he argued endlessly, and I never caved. Now we have a home that is so easy to keep clean! He very much appreciates my stand on it now.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's the thing that gets me right there. In the end, Tim will be perfectly happy with my ideas. I don't know why he's got to be so bullheaded about something that won't even matter to him. I was able to negotiate for no carpeting everywhere but in the bedrooms. I ceded there. The last hold out was the livingroom. Since the kitchen and the living room are one open space, I finally convinced him that it would be an awkward transition from carpet to tile. Besides, we have a huge silk persian rug that is 100% making the move with us, and will fill the space quite nicely.
DeleteThere is unfortunately a political divide in our household. V's family in the US are all on the wrong side so there are times when we do not agree. There are times I will not engage (because then there would be constant arguments) but sometimes I must admit I do emphasize that I disagree.
ReplyDeleteWhat I hate is when they simply dismiss what you're saying with "I don't believe that" or "Fake News". They have no reasons for disbelieving it. They just don't.
DeleteI hope the microwave doesn't appear in the wrong spot while you are off. What you two are doing on your own, however, is mighty impressive.
ReplyDeleteIt will not. Today, I'm standing over him while he puts the electrical box in for it.
DeleteBecause you do the cooking you are right. I would tell him if he puts anything above the stove, he will be ordering take out if he gets hungry as you will not be cooking anymore. Gigi
ReplyDeleteOh, he knows that can't happen. But...I am not going to argue this point. It is not something that is going to matter to him in the long run. It will however, matter to me in the long run.
DeleteHi Debby, I have been staying away from the computer for awhile but I would like to comment on the microwave over the stove/cook-top. Don't do it. We have had several of them in our past homes and when we bought this house and added a new kitchen it was a very forceful NO. One is that the microwave fans blew out into the room and did not vent outside. Two is that I have a friend that was severely burned while removing a hot item from the high/awkward position. She lamented that at least it wasn't one of the children whose reach was even more at a disadvantage than hers. - Jackie
ReplyDeleteI just want a simple house that I don't need to spend a lot of time cleaning. To me, being able to just wipe down the hood and the tile behind the wall will make that job so much easier.
DeleteSometimes you just have to put your foot down! On his neck! Been there, done that. My late husband and I never built a whole house but we did lots of updating/remodeling in our long term home. You are so wise to get away and give your mental health a rest.
ReplyDeleteHe is just used to doing things the way he wants. We've done a lot of renovations, but it's always been for a house that we don't intend to live in. This is different. I don't have a lot of non-negotiables, but the thing that I notice is that he tends to just dismiss my thinking and do things the way he thinks they should be done. If I get upset about it, he just brushes it away with, "It's fine..." If I have strong ideas, I have to stand strong.
DeleteI couldn't have worked on a big project with my husband like you have done. That is probably why he is my EX husband. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you put your foot down and get your way on issues that are important to you. Otherwise, you would always have resentment building up whenever you had to clean!
True. I will remind him that it is easier for him to give in than it is to listen to me bitch for the rest of his natural life.
DeleteA long time ago I explained to Mr. Moon how my kitchen things from utensils to appliances are my TOOLS and just as I would have no say about the tools he has in his garage, he should really have no say in the ones I have in my kitchen. He got that and has been understanding ever since.
ReplyDeleteValid negotiating post. I will threaten to go out and rearrange things in his garage. Maybe do some 'garage scaping', to borrow from that ever impractical fridge scaping nonsense.
DeleteOh, I know where you are coming from. We built a 500 sq foot addition. The problem was he got home from work 2 hours before I got home from work. Just one little thing. I told him where I wanted the light switches going into the room. He wired them somewhere else before I came home. We had not drywalled yet. He was giving me a million reasons why the place he put them was better. I finally said "well, if you want to hear me b***** about it every single time I try to turn on a light for the next 40 years, we can leave it. Or you can move it this afternoon and never hear about it again. Think about it."
ReplyDeleteNow we are getting ready to do the bathroom and I have been compromising again. I am settling on materials because I just want it done. And I have compromised on a lot! But the details are starting. He bought a ceiling light. I want a light in the shower. He says I do not need one. I NEED ONE. I visited our kid's houses and took photos, I have a collection of photos of light fixtures safe for showers. I will win this one. We are also "discussing" the mirror. We are also discussing - well, you get it. I support you!
I live in Ohio which used to be a swing state. I am bombarded with flyers and tv commercials which are TOTAL LIES. We are supposed to support bernie moreno to take Sherrod Brown's senate seat because he is for workers. This millionaire refused to pay his own workers and shredded their employment records when they sued him! Now he and jd are saying that legal immigrants with work permits are stealing people's pets and eating them, a total lie. The police chief has given press conferences. Not true. Yet we see this on tv five hundred times a day, people share it on facebook. No one cars it isn't true.
It's the same thing with all the kerfuffle about 'furries' and kids identifying as cat. In every single school that the accusation has been brought up, it has been debunked. It's simply not true, and yet the rumor made it to the highest echelons of government where it was reiterated (without proof) by people who are supposed to be verifying facts. I had not heard the rumor about pets being eaten, and read your comment to my husband who laughed like crazy. We were both dumbfounded to hear tRUMP reiterating it during the debate. I am glad that Muir spoke up to fact check that on the spot.
DeleteI feel you! But, just get another guy he respects to say the same thing you are saying, and I bet he will listen to them! That's how it is here quite often. A fact I point out quite often too. Good luck in this battle, Debby! Building a house together is the surest test of a marriage.
ReplyDeleteNo. He will respect my wishes. It's a two way street.
DeleteWho cooks and who cleans? You I'm guessing. It's your workshop. Or as Ms. Moon suggested, mess with his tools and see how he likes it.
ReplyDeleteWe had a fight the other day about bricks. I have about three hundred paving bricks stacked up on the driveway, which have been there for four years. My husband was going to do something with them but four years has passed. I moved all the gravel back to where it was and he got mad about that. I don't care that he doesn't use the bricks but I want them gone. Four years is long enough! I also have to shovel the snow around them, which is not a huge deal but I'm the one shoveling the snow. He drives me crazy sometimes.
I'm holding to that. He installed the receptacle for the microwave yesterday. (it needs to be on it's own circuit). He put it where I wanted the microwave.
DeleteFortunately with everything I watch prerecorded, I don't get a lot of exposure to politics these days. Usually a 3 to 4 minute clip on the evening news, your occasional blog post and a few people on Facebook who can't resist posting things. I'm not sure I could take any more of it.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago, the parents of a kid who attended the same school as I won a lottery jackpot of a few million dollars. The first thing they did was design and build a giant house to live in. I'm not sure if it got finished because they got divorced over the process. I know my wife and I went back and forth on a few issues when we did our addition and kitchen remodel a few years back. I ceded a lot of decisions in her favor but stuck to my guns on a couple that were more important to me. Fortunately, we got through the process marriage intact.
I just was amazed that a discussion that had been (in my mind anyway) done and dusted was revisited. As if he was hoping this time I'd give in.
DeleteI don't talk politics to anyone but my family... not safe... but as to a microwave and cupboard above the stove... yuck. I have lived with both ever since we moved into this house. They are a hazard especially to the taller members of my family. Also a hazard when canning or cooking in large pots....and hard to keep clean.
ReplyDeleteIt's a biggie for me, and I think he finally figured that out.
DeleteWow! I vote for Debby. Could it possibly be that Tim is being slightful forgetful and needs the "decision" rehashed again? Or, you could put a list somewhere that states the results of "decisions." I'd make a copy of that and put it in the truck where Tim starts making impulsive plans. Good luck! At least DJT doesn't live with, or even near you! Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteOMG. Tim and I have said that right along. Can you imagine living next door to a guy like him? Oy.
DeleteWow.. that Atlantic cover is really something ..!
ReplyDeleteI just can’t stomach watching too much tv (news) these days,
but I’ll be watching the debate tonight.. And about that microwave/cabinets above the stove argument:
DO NOT GIVE IN!!😅I’m constantly disgusted by all the grease
that collects there.. though I’m also thinking: wouldn’t a hood
also be A LOT to clean??! I may have to hire a cleaner..🫣
Wishing you luck.. Rigmor🤗
This is the one that I'm holding out for: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/luftburen-wall-mounted-range-hood-stainless-steel-20462146/
Deletethere certainly is a lot of uncertainty causing stress. I wish there could be more compromise like on the micro wave.
ReplyDeleteSome things are simply non-negotiables, Red.
DeleteHe or she who does the majority of food prep and cooking has the final say in the design and fit out of the kitchen. The end.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve a medal.
That's what I'm holding to.
DeleteMy husband knows best - in his head. Once he asked me where I wanted a new tree planted. I told him where and why. He argued, even though his reasoning was deeply flawed (and I could tell by his arguments that he knew it). Come to find out, the tree was already in the ground. He just asked me to humor me.
ReplyDeleteUGH!!!! That would have irritated me! Tim's never pulled that one on me, although he has just gone ahead and done things his way after the discussion.
DeleteAlso - $5 says you hate the black sink.
ReplyDeleteActually, I don't. We stock pile stuff for when we need a quick fix for one of the rentals. We've got all manners of goodies. I actually picked out the sink long ago. We got it new, but at a very deep discount.
DeleteSo...no. I don't hate it. It's just that I liked my sister's sink better. It is not a non-negotiable.
Oh gee... yes. Art and I did our house renovation also 20 years or so ago here in Hawaii. It took about 6 years. The contractor did the outside, we did a lot of the inside ourselves with help from friends and relatives. It's stressful, but it was OK for us. It's either that or I have a very poor memory.
ReplyDeleteI got my way on the microwave.
Delete