When people comment on my relationship with William, it really brings a bit of a lump to my throat. Our relationship has changed. Things used to be quite different when he was smaller, but now, he is a teenager. Once upon a time, I was grandma, a central figure, the bringer of magic, the maker of adventures, the reader of books, the teacher of biology, the explainer all things, Really, it was like having super powers. I was all knowing. I could solve any problem.
While I miss those days with William, I'm not grieving it. It's only natural that it will happen, that as the grands grow, they will become more and more focused on their own magic, their own adventures. They learn to read their own books, and they learn to answer their own questions. It does not come as a surprise. We've already seen it with our children. Deja vu.
William does not come to the house quite so frequently. When he does, he is apt to spend more time in his room upstairs, He's not antisocial. He's polite. Just preoccupied with other things. Teenagery things.
Right now, his parents' jobs are demanding quite a bit of overtime, so we have seen William two weekends in a row. Last weekend was spent in what has become our new 'normal', but much to my surprise, this weekend was a bit different than it has been.
Friday night, he and I watched 'The Giver' together, something that he was truly excited about, and he did quite a lot of talking about that. We ordered his books and got them on their way. He was excited about that, as well. He didn't know there was a sequel.
Saturday started with Tim's turkey. We all went out for lunch, and then did some running around. He hadn't seen the new build for a while and was surprised at all the changes. I went over to my sister's to see if I could dig some lilac suckers from her. William got to play with his cousins and throw a stick for Sadie, the puppy who never wears out. We went to a store, stopped off at Mattie and Levi's for a minute, and then headed home.
As we came off the hill, I commented on the weather. It was supposed to be rainy day, but there it was, late afternoon, and not a drop of rain yet, although a cool wind blowing, giving every hint that it was coming. On the spur of the moment, as we were coming into town, I said to Tim, "Is it okay if I get dropped off on the bike/hike trail and walk home? The walk would do me good." Tim said that he could do that. From the back seat, a voice popped up. "I'll go with you!"
"Really?" I said.
He thought it would be fun. "Remember we used to do that all the time."
I smiled. Yes. Of course, I remembered. It touched me that he remembered too.
So we walked. We were about 2 1/2 miles from home and he talked non-stop. About plants and birds, but also about Tik-Tok. His friends and he decided that they asked too many unneccessary questions as you signed up. I thought that he was very wise to question that. We talked about the dangers of the internet. He picked up trash as we walked, and he talked about school. He talked about his teachers. About the mysterious world of girls.
We stopped and walked through the Wetmore Cemetery to pay our respects to the saddest two graves, We also talked about a memory. He was about five or six and terrified of ghosts. Appealing to his scientific side, I sought to prove or disprove it based on science. We had spent some time reading up on what alerted ghost hunters to the presence of ghosts. The drop in temperature, the energy, glowing. I can't remember it all, but we came up with a little list, and one night we pedaled off down the bike trail. We went to the cemetery and waited there in the dark. Based on our scientific research that night, he reached the conclusion that there was no scientific evidence to support the existence of ghosts.
(We also used the same science to quantify the actual danger posed by zombies, UFO's, and Big Foot all before he was 10.)
We talked about how it used to be. We talked about how we wanted it to be down the road. We talked.
Just for a brief moment, I felt a return of my superpowers.
That's such a nice piece of writing, about someone you love dearly.
ReplyDeleteI do love that boy dearly.
DeleteHow wonderful for you and William, he was feeling some memories. My grandson call from S. Korea and as we talked, he reminded me of the fun things we used to do. One was I served them breakfast in bed on a hide a bed in front of the tv. You always made eggs, grits and bacon and carried to the bed so we could watch tv in bed. He said that is one of my favorite memories. He is 25 now and that made an impression on him.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what William will remember about his relationship with his grandparents. It will be fun to discover.
DeleteOh my - he really is a real boy!! I do love it when you feel connection with teenagers - it is fleeting as their world tries to take control, but there are those rare moments...
ReplyDeleteHe IS a real boy. Not for long though, I'm afraid.
DeleteWhat a wonderful story you tell of your relationship with William and of course he will have those memories for the rest of his life. He is growing up into an intelligent young man.
ReplyDeleteHe is an intelligent kid.
DeleteI enjoyed reading this post. You tell it so well.
ReplyDeleteIt's because I have replayed the wonder of it over and over in my mind. It was such a wonderful day.
DeleteLovely post ! I see my 11 yr old grandson once a week when I take him home from school; a drive of about 10 minutes . We used to have some good discussions, but that seems to have stopped recently. I must think of some subjects to bring up! He will be at secondary school in September and will walk home so I will hardly see him at all.
ReplyDeleteOur 11-year-old grandson will no longer come to our house every morning before school and call in on his way home. He told my daughter that he thought he would come and see us once a week when he starts secondary school in September. We'll see :-)
DeleteLOL. Are you and Frances talking about the same 11 year old? Frances, John's comment is a very good one. The best way to have a conversation with a kid that age is just to get them involved in an activity. William and I used to cook together. It's easier to talk when you're doing something else.
DeleteHaha..no not the same kid! Though having looked at jabblog's blog I guess we aren't so far apart in this small country of ours!
DeleteI don't get the chance to do anything with G as he normally goes to his room with a packet of crisps ( chips? ) or biscuits ( cookies) as soon as we get him to his home and his Dad is WFH so has things to do and I just go home! ( 15 mins drive away)
My son works from home as well. What a gift that is for parents! He goes into the office every week. He also has to travel at times, but he's home.
DeleteThat must have been your most beautiful walk ever.
ReplyDeleteIt was, and it had nothing to do with all the flowers.
DeleteI worked with teenagers for a large part of my life and noticed that few of them like face-to-face conversations. Side-by-side, either walking or sitting, always seems to work best for them. The other lesson I learned - and this was very hard for me - was not to ask so many bloody questions!
ReplyDeleteLOL. Your last statement is absolutely true.
DeleteI enjoyed reading about you and William. Lovely memories.
ReplyDeleteIt was special to me and I think he enjoyed it too.
DeleteA touching post. I sort of feel similar things with my eldest daughter as she matures into an adult. I'm not sure I'm ready for her to go to college this fall.
ReplyDeleteEd, I don't think we ever are ready, but it happens anyway.
DeleteThat's wonderful. William will remember these things all his life, and be better for it.
ReplyDeleteI hope so. I really, really hope so.
DeleteAww, you're doing your Debby thing -- writing a descriptive post with a poignant ending.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Thanks, AC. You keep doing your AC thing: pictures...lots and lots of pictures.
DeleteGood for you..and William too xx
ReplyDeleteIt felt very therapeutic, that's for sure.
DeleteI used to do those things with my grandson too. When he was 4 his mother allowed me to take him to Disney in Florida and when he was 10 the two of us went to the Netherlands. He remembers going to Anne Franks house and to the Keukenhof Gardens. He still talks about our trips at 28 years old. We had plane issues both times, once a lady in the row across and behind us went unresponsive and they had to use the machine to resusitate her. It took a very long time and we hade to fly back to Ireland to get her to a hospital. He has never talked about that, but his mother said they see that on TV all the time so maybe he wasn’t affected. I phoned home from Ireland and told my husband to call his mom and tell her I would bring him home the next day but not to tell her why. When we went to Florida the plane had a mechanical problem after flying for about an hour and we had to turn back to Florida and make an emergency landing, fire trucks and all. We then had to wait 8 hours until a replacement plane came down to get us. He loved the whole adventure as all the kids on the plane got to play in the terminal. He has turned out to be a well rounded, ambitious young man who has started a company with a friend and they are doing very, very well. You get out what you put in I believe. William is on his way. Gigi
ReplyDeleteWhat adventures you have provided your grandson! I'd like to take William to visit his aunt and uncle in the UK, but he's afraid to fly. The Boeing issues haven't helped. I hope as he gets older, he'll be able to look at that a bit more scientifically as well.
DeleteIt is so lovely that William can talk to you so freely - just as he did when he was a small boy. This is like a treasure - for both of you.
ReplyDeleteIt was wonderful to find that common ground again. I felt like I could have walked forever.
DeleteMy middle daughter and I racewalked together when she was 12. Our best conversations at that time were in the van, driving back and forth to the racewalking venue. Kids seem to be able to talk so much better beside, rather than face to face. I'm glad you two got to experience that bonding again. It is a wonderful feeling.
ReplyDeleteI know that I was sorry to see the walk end.
DeleteTime with grandchildren is so special. Mine are all grown now, and I so miss the days when they came to stay for a day, a week, longer. I was a working grandmother, and I regret that, although I am very glad I was young enough (became a granny at 38) to do all kinds of things with them. Your William sounds like a bright young man who thinks things through.
ReplyDeleteI am glad, though, that cell phones weren't as ubiquitous back when my grands were little! And that cell signal at my house was so poor there was only one spot on the porch where it worked! We called that corner the phone booth lol. No TV, no phones...yeah, they suffered! But they also thought it was cool and often amazed their friends with tales of what they did here instead--,baking, puppets, telling stories, ghosthunting, canning, etc. Fun times.
Technology is part of the issue with William. He'd rather play on his gadgets.
DeleteWhat a lovely post, Debby. I don't get to see my oldest two grandkids often anymore as they are busy and my son doesn't like to make the drive down to my house. I only see them when I can drive up to them. It's almost 3 hours away so it's getting harder and harder to make it up there. But we "Snapchat" some times and I see their posts on Instagram and so it is a small way to still keep in touch. But we always end our Snapchat posts with "I love you!" so that's good.
ReplyDeleteI don't video call as often as I should. It am just not as technological as I should be. It just doesn't occur to me.
DeleteOh, Debby! You absolutely nail this! I know that feeling of bringing magic to a child's world but I had never really thought of it in these terms. Of yes, having superpowers. I can even remember thinking that my own grandfather was easily the most brilliant man in the world.
ReplyDeleteWhen a teenager grandchild seeks out our company, it is unbelievably precious. It is a reminder that we have a special place in their lives and always will. You are such a fine grandmother. You truly are.
It IS precious. Believe me, Mary, I felt like I had been handed a great treasure.
DeleteSo we could call this My Life with William. You've done well to lead him to make decisions in a logical way. It's too bad that more people don't do some of this.
ReplyDeleteApproaching things logically is cool because if he comes up with new evidence, he is free to change his thinking to incorporate new information.
DeleteThat's fantastic. He'll remember that day forever, probably -- along with all your ghost-hunting adventures. :) I still remember days I spent with my grandmother when I was a young teenager.
ReplyDeleteHe was so terrified of ghosts. I don't even know where that came from. It was an adventure. We used to call them 'mugwump adventures'.
DeleteYou never lost your superpowers and your walk with William proves it! You will both remember that day for a long time. He clearly values your presence in his life.
ReplyDeleteHow lucky am I?!!! They are all a joy to me.
DeleteWonderful post. You blink your eyes and they move from kindergarten to teenagers, don't they.
ReplyDeleteThey do. They surely do. They seem to take right after their parents in that regard. My youngest is 34, my oldest will be 43. That seems to have happened in an eyeblink as well.
DeleteHow I miss the grands!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to have William close by. My grandaughters are so far away, and I really feel as if I'm missing out on so much.
DeleteI totally a relate to this post. It is hard as the grandchildren grow and have their own lives and want to hang out with their friends more. I’m glad you had a lovely time. I had not heard of The Giver.
ReplyDeleteIt is not my preferred genre, but William so loved it, that I loved it with him. It raised serious questions too, about the price of comformity, about the importance of acknowledging our bad history.
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