Just an explanation: We have not moved the computer to the new house so I'm posting and commenting from my phone which is a much slower process for me, so posting might be a bit spotty until that move happens. Of course, before we do that, we've got to build the computer desk. And figure out how to manage wi-fi. We're thinking that we'll buy the $100 phone card for one of our phones which will permit us to use it as a hotspot, but we've never done that before. It's all new.
Freddie and Houdi seem to be settling in okay. After a few scares, Houdi seems perfectly content to be an indoor cat, and I'm perfectly content with his decision. Freddie, though? We had a few go arounds. We don't want him out at night. He's smart enough to know that what 'no!' means, I'll give him that. He quit yowling at night, but as soon as he hears us up and about, he heads straight for the door and sits there politely until he is let out. He generally spends the day outside but at night he returns to the porch where he sits quietly waiting to be let back in.
We have not seen the bear since his first visit last week. However, it is worth noting that we haven't seen the deer either, which makes me wonder if the bear is somewhere close by. That is interesting to us and something we are keeping a close eye on.
We had to buy a trash can this week, and for the first time in a long, long time, we had to think about raccoon- and bear-proof ones. While no can is 100% effective with bears (due to their size) a galvanized metal one with a tight fitting lid will prevent the enticing aroma of your trash from encouraging the bear to investigate. However if they do investigate, prying the lid off will make enough racket that you will know they are out there and can shoo them away. We've got motion detector lights set up to let us know as well.
Of course, I'm composting again, so who knows how that experiment will turn out. My rotating composter is not bear proof. Life's for learning, I guess. We might have to build an enclosure for both the composter (and the garbage too, if it comes to that.)
Life has become much quieter despite all the things that we are doing. The biggest shock to me is how much money one doesn't spend when the are not pouring it into a renovation or a new house. We've still got to get the house sided. We've still got some things to do, of course, and I don't see that changing any time soon.
I think however, Tim is learning to take pleasure in spending time working on his own house. He built an addition to his tool shed for his stuff, and carefully outfitted it with shelves and storage, and he was so pleased with how it turned out inside that he needed me to come and look. He's got plans for his garage, too.
I will admit a shameful thing. Things had been getting quite rough between the two of us. I just felt as if we were moving in two different spheres. He had his ideas. I had mine. I wanted to stop. When I retired from my job, my plan was to go to visit my granddaughters every month or so. I wanted time to go kayaking with William, volunteer for Head Start, things like that.
Tim did not want to stop, and he just kept pushing and pushing. He began talking about buying another house when Mia's mortgage comes through. This made me mad and I dug in my heels. He began to push back.
I began to be very resentful. I did not want to go to work every day. I got tired of hearing him say, "I need you to do 'x' and 'y' " with the implication that I was simply going to do it, day after day. If I didn't do it, I felt very guilty because I wasn't doing my share, even though I had literally begged for him not to buy this last house. I felt as if I had traded one boss for another, and this boss followed me home at night.
Now the renovation has been taken over, that workload is gone, and while we may be working on our house, it is our house and there is a pleasure in doing for yourself. I have time to do the things that are important to me. Tim is a lot less demanding. He has stopped talking about the next house. In return, I'm not nearly as bristly with him. The dynamics of our relationship has changed.
Today, I met him at the old house to bring a load of stuff back to the new house. He gave me a bouquet of flowers.
Surprised, I said, "What are those for?"
He said, "Because I wanted to."
I am so glad the rough patch is ending. I think retiring and spending all your time together is rough on both of you. I know over here it drove me crazy. I was constantly asked why I was doing whatever I was doing. And there was a lot of sitting in the recliner (it was winter) waiting for me to cook meals. I think we have worked out a better schedule now - he gets up at 4 am and I stay up until midnight lol. He doesn't want to go anywhere and is content to stay home while I go out with girl friends.
ReplyDeleteLots of compromise on home remodeling projects since he goes to the hardware and home improvement store when they open at 7am and I don't go anywhere at 7am.
I am glad you are settling into what is right for you guys.
In our never ending war with raccoons, my hubby has constructed an enclosure against the side of the garage that holds 4 cans (1 recycling, 2 garage, 1 compost. He has a web of 2x4's across the top with some kind of lock that I can't open with my arthritis. It has worked for 2 years in that the raccoons can't open it and I don't have to take the trash out.
I can't imagine having to contend with bears. Rodents are more than enough for me!!
ReplyDeleteThe best reason for flowers! Just like Pirate ❤️
ReplyDeleteA garbage/ compost enclosure sounds very sensible. When I see friends posting the damage done by bears to do called bear proof bins.....
I think I'd rather deal with bears than husbands who are on a mission that they feel I must be involved in. Luckily, Glen doesn't do that often.
ReplyDeleteNothing shameful about it, darling girl. It's so normal, and anyone who says they've never experienced it is lying or in denial. I never wrote about my own struggles on my blog because it would betray my spouse's privacy, but believe you me, we have 'em. Counselling has made a difference, but hostilities still arise! I'm glad you're feeling better about things.
ReplyDeleteI understand this. My husband retired during Covid - forced togetherness! But we have worked it out and so will you and Tim.
ReplyDeleteThe unexpected bouquet 'just because' is a lovely gesture.
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased to hear that Houdi is content to stay indoors and Freddie has accepted that he must stay in at night. Hope the bear keeps his/her distance.
"traded one boss for another, and this boss followed me home at night" ROFLMAO, but happy for you that boss has taken a vacation. Relationships are hard, take work, compromise, that's why I so enjoy being single.
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