I had my appointment with the surgeon today. The questionaire you had to fill out: omgeeeeeee, it was the most ridiculous thing ever.
The first part was about my mental health:
Have you felt despair? (Shoot. Any person with a modicum of sense has looked around at the chaos and felt some despair.)
Have you ever felt hopeless? (See above)
Do you feel sad sometimes? (see above...)
There was no way to answer the question in your own words. You had to tick a box. Sometimes. Never. Rarely. Often. etc.
This went on for like ten questions, and then we moved on to the physical questions.
Can you climb a flight of stairs? (Yes)
Can you climb three flights of stairs? (Dunno...)
Can you climb ten flights of stairs? (for heaven's sake. We don't have any ten story buildings where I live...)
I began to voice my complaints in a quiet voice to Tim.
Can you run 10 miles? (No...)
Can you run 5 miles? (No...)
Can you run 3 miles? (No again...)
Can you run 1 mile? (For pity's sake!)
I related the ridiculousness to Tim. "I suppose it depends on what is chasing me..."
And there was a snort of laughter from across the room. I looked across and another gray haired couple were laughing together. "I'm sorry!" the woman said, "But that's funny! Don't you think that this questionaire would be a lot more fun if they let you make up your own answers?"
"Absolutely!" I said. "The thing about these questionaires is that they do not factor in your own specifics. They want to lump everyone all together, and I don't see how this information is useful. What is normal for me at 68 is a lot different than say, a 20 year old athlete."
I said, "These questions are stupid, really. I swore when I left the military that I wouldn't run again unless a child was bleeding or something was chasing me. I've held true to that."
I read on.
Can you lift a 50 lb bag of sand?
I said, "Well, that seems awfully specific. I carried a 40 lb bag of diatomaceous earth yesterday. I guess that's close enough."
The man said, "You must have chickens."
I said, "Not yet. I use the diatomaceous earth to sprinkle on my garden to keep the bugs from eating my beans and peppers. I want chickens though. Three."
The man said, "Three is plenty to provide eggs for the two of you."
I said, "I think it will be. I have an nice chicken coop for them." The man laughed that I had my chicken coop already but no chickens.
We went on about the many uses of diatomaceous earth, to include deworming and flea control, which led us to talking about animals. He was curious about cows.
"My sister lives across the road and they have cows," I said.
"So they might not notice if one came up missing?" he laughed.
"Well, we can buy from them, but we eat a lot of venison, really."
His wife said, "When we get a place of our own, I want a teacup donkey." The man snorted. The woman said, "You promised me a teacup donkey!~"
They argued quietly between the two of them.
I went back to my questionaire. It was on a tablet and while we were cheerfully talking, it had timed out. I sighed and took it to the window. The receptionist said cheerfully, "All done?" I said, "Well. No. It timed out. You may not have noticed, but I am a bit of a blabber."
I heard laughter behind me.
I came back with the tablet.
Can you run 100 yds? (sigh...yeah. Probably could manage that.)
Question by question, I went through them. When I took the tablet back to the receptionist, I said, "This really is a ridiculous set of questions." She said, "It is ridiculous."
Anyways, my name finally got called and we waited 45 minutes to see the surgeon. He said, "It looks like you're doing great." I told him I was. "Remember I said that it was St. Boniface's feast day, and I expected a miracle? Well...you pulled one out of your hat. Thanks."
He laughed. He asked me how far I could bend my knee. I demonstrated. He said, "Can you do everything that you want?" I said, "Yes."
He told me that I didn't need another appointment, but to call if I had any problems.
So that was that. I walked out of there feeling like a
Those questions are as ridiculous as the ones on the Medicare Wellness questionnaire I have to fill out each year at my doctor's visit.
ReplyDeleteAwful, humid weather here in MO, too. And we had a thunderstorm early last evening. At least I had a rainbow when it was over.
I hate those absurd questions where a simple response is not appropriate. You certainly copped a lot of them.
ReplyDeleteHard work at the house in the heat, and then you partly walk home. Impressive.
Those check the box questionnaires are so useless. I agree why not let us explain in our own way. Well, they might find my answers a bit frivolous.
ReplyDeleteSince you are not that far away really, I am surprised that it has still been hot. We’ve been ok since Wednesday. It’s startng to rise again, but it won’t be as hot as the least heat wave.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your waiting room was a lot more fun than my doctor's waiting room. I think the questions are silly. My thought is always that a person suffering from depression or mental illness is not going to type it on a tablet. And it is different than asking in person where you could judge a tone of voice or a look on the face. Waste of time.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had the silly running questions yet. I guess my answers would prove I am a vegetable.
I think I would have give up on that form way before the end - although maybe they wouldn't let you out until you finished it!
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty good going ... an hour's walk home after working hard in that heat.
ReplyDeleteNever mind how far can you run........I would need, " can you run" and the answer is no, even if a bear/tiger ( any wild animal) was chasing me!!
ReplyDeleteI occasionally get drawn in to answering questionnaires about various things, but invariably give up half way as they get more and more ridiculous!
Who designs questionnaires and what outcomes are expected? I wonder who takes them seriously.
ReplyDeleteWell done on your recovery, I dislike multi tick box questionnaires, they are so impersonal, and as you say to general for everyone to use.
ReplyDelete