I try. I really do try hard. Today, I failed.
We have a neighbor. He drinks too much. Has a tendency to pee in the side yard because he's too lazy to do the stairs to use his facilities. He is a trump-er tried and true. After the last election, he began to yell from his porch every time he saw us. "What do you think of tRUMP now?" or "HAHAHHAAA! tRUMP won, how do you like that??" So four years ago, I stopped dead in my tracks and said, "Listen. We have been neighbors for quite a few years. This crap is going to stop. You will stop yelling about your politics. We don't want to hear it."
I stood right there and fixed him with a look.
He said, in a quiet voice, "I can do that."
I said, "Good," and continued up the driveway. And that was that.
The intervening years have been pretty quiet. He is paranoid as heck. Has cameras watching the street in front of the house. He owns one old car. One old truck. A trailer. 3 motorcycles, takes up all the parking in front of his building, and he is paranoid about his stuff. He thinks everyone is out to get his stuff.
He's riled up about something. He's been glaring and being mad and giving us the bird. We went out to dinner a couple weeks ago. My sister said, "What's wrong with your neighbor? Why is he flipping us off?"
"*sigh* It's what he does."
Tim trimmed the bushes at the end of our driveway. They blocked his view when he was trying to back out of the driveway. Part of them were over the line. He trimmed our side. Dan-the-man was pretty upset. We ignored him. He escalated the glaring and the flipping off and swearing at us when we came and went.
Today, he blew a fit. We had thrown his grill cover on the ground and it had cost him big money and by god, we were going to give him that money. Tim got mad. "We did NOT throw your grill cover on the ground..." but just that quick he was ranting about his bushes. He said something about his trailer, which for the record, we never touched either.
And it just made me mad. I was shrieking like a fish wife, loud enough for it to be heard up and down the street. "WE DID NOT THROW YOUR GRILL COVER ON THE GROUND!!!! WE HAD A PRETTY BAD STORM ROLL THROUGH LAST NIGHT. YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE IT BLEW OFF IN THE WIND?"
He looked a little shocked.
But I roared on: "AND BEFORE YOU SAY ONE WORD ABOUT THE FUCKING BUSHES, THEY ARE NOT YOUR BUSHES! YOU ARE A TENANT. YOU DON'T OWN THE HOUSE! YOU DON'T OWN THE BUSHES!"
He waved his arm with his cigarette. "I know it," he said.
"SO SHUT UP ABOUT THEM!"
And I wound up with, "AND WHILE WE'RE TALKING, YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR DRUNK ASS UPSTAIRS TO WHEN YOU NEED TO PEE. I'M ABOUT SICK OF SEEING THAT. GOT ANYTHING ELSE FOR ME? NO? THEN KEEP YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH SHUT. JUST SHUT UP, BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE OF YOUR MESS."
He continued to run his mouth about money owed.
The police were called.
That was my day.
I am deeply impressed actually. Good on you for telling him off. If you're like me at all, you probably hate losing your temper, but I think in this case it was warranted.
ReplyDeleteOooh. I DOOOOOOO hate losing my temper, Pixie! I try so hard to be sensible.
DeleteThis could be an episode of A&E's "Fear Your Neighbor". It's the worse when one has a neighbor with nothing better to do than harass others. How does he feel about Two Dolls Donald now? Is he still a supporter?
ReplyDeleteI don't know, and I'm not about to ask him. One thing that I notice about him though is that when you stand right there and give it back to him, he isn't prepared for that. He gets quiet. I was mad. I was not quiet.
DeleteI hate losing my temper like that.
Wow, well done you. He sounds impossible to reason with.
ReplyDeleteProbably if I had stopped with the 'ever think that the wind blew it off?' it would have died down. But I was on a roll. I couldn't have stopped myself if I tried. The police explained that he needs to stop harassing, and that peeing in public is an issue.
DeleteGood for them... sometimes blowing your top is needed...but it does drain one of everything
DeleteIt makes me ashamed, gz. I come from a very angry people, and I try hard to not be like that. I tend to let things slide that I shouldn't though. I try to rationalize behavior, try to understand, esp. of the people close to me. Sometimes planting a foot and saying 'there will be no more of that' is required. But it usually doesn't come to screeching your head of in the middle of your driveway for the whole world to hear.
DeleteNo....but being a "pressure cooker" isn't good for you..
DeleteHooray! WooHoo! Jeepers, what a jerk. Maybe if the cops talked to him too, he'll behave for awhile. Might want to make his landlord aware of his stupidity, if the cops haven't. Could get a plastic urinal with some flowers in it for him. Does he have family that don't know his behavior is worsening? We need to send you to DC to yell at the other Idiot. Proud of you! Hang in there. Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteI think he knows what he's got. The previous landlord used to come and sit, drink beer, and talk politics on the front porch. in the end, even he agreed that he had "let Dan get away with too much". It will be interesting to see what this landlord is like. Dan's behavior has definitely worsened through the years. We used to be fairly cordial. He is not someone we'd ever have a lot in common with, but he got a kick out of my grandson, and was a regular recipient of cake.
DeleteGood for you, he needed to be told those things, and I imagine a whole lot more. He needs something to do besides cause trouble for you and Tim. I am glad you will be out of there soon and in your nice new house in the country.
ReplyDeleteHe's an aggravating character. He reminds me of a dog hunkered over his dog dish, snarling and snapping at everyone around him. He's just a very self centered person.
DeleteI couldn’t love you more. Some people think they are so entitled and without thinking about others can do whatever they want. We all cower to them and they get away with it. Bravo Debby.
ReplyDeleteYou know Judith. If I had stopped right at the point about the bushes, I think I would have been okay. He was very meek and very quiet. "I know I don't." But once the train was rolling, it couldn't be stopped. When I threw in the part about peeing outside being against the law and that he needed to knock that stuff off or he'd be reading about himself in the paper, that made him angry and defiant. "Go ahead," he said. "Call the police. I don't care," and once again he was running his mouth. Bravado and big talk are his fear responses, and that scared him.
DeleteWe are all allowed to boil over at some point. He really sounds like a horrible, horrible neighbor. I am sorry you have had to put up with him this long.
ReplyDeleteI have lost my temper a time or two. Once it was with an adult teen child when I was at their apartment. He said I better lower my tone or a neighbor would call the police. I retorted "And whose side do you think the police will be on?". His little friends living on his couch slunk out and disappeared. Was it the most mature way to handle the situation? No, it was not. Did it work? yes, it did.
Well, there was nothing mature about my actions yesterday.
DeleteCongratulations! Losing one's temper is sometimes the best thing to do. You have my admiration. We have a right to boundaries in life. I hope the police coming will keep him at bay. But next time he gets out of line or pees outside do not hesitate to call the police again. :)
ReplyDeleteI kind of think that now that we've done it once, he knows we will do it again. He knows it is on record. The thing is, before it was said and done, he did admit to the police that he agreed it was the wind that blew his grill cover on the ground. Being talked to about pissing in the yard was probably embarrassing too.
DeletePerhaps your moving day is happening sooner than later?
ReplyDeleteSorry he’s so unreasonable. I have a kind neighbor who isn’t necessarily a close friend, but we rely and look out for each other, like, “my driveway was icy this morning, so watch your step when you bring your garbage to the curb.” Neighborly.
Bonnie in Minneapolis
No. His actions will not goad us along any quicker. That would be a shameful thing.
DeleteGood on ya for losing your shit and getting right up in his face, dude had it coming. Peeing in the side yard? Please! I think this fits him well: https://x.com/Karen_BooksChoc/status/1736303683074232698?lang=en
ReplyDeleteI think when you're dealing with a heavy drinker, you can almost count on poor decisions being made.
DeleteMy gawd. What an active post.
ReplyDeleteLove.
That you, John?
DeleteYou have had enough and let him have it with both barrels. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteYeah. I lost it. Completely, undeniably blew my stack.
DeleteWhat a jerk! I am glad the police came and explained to him about peeing in public. Ha! Can't blame you for losing it. He's been way over the line for a long time.
ReplyDeleteWhy i am glad to have no near neighbors. I hope you will have more breathing room in your new home.
Oh, we'll be fine. Really, things have been pretty quiet with Dan for the most part. He's an ass who occasionally flares up.
DeleteHe sounds like someone way overdue for a loud rant about the facts. I hope the police showed up and told him to leave people alone and SHUT UP. Good for you for standing up to him!
ReplyDeleteThe police said, "You're neighbors. You don't have to like each other, but you need to tolerate each other." I said, "You're right. We're willing to do that. But he needs to stop trying to provoke."
DeleteIt's extremely difficult to deal with the irrational.
ReplyDeleteEven worse when there's two of you going at it, hammer and tongs. :(
DeleteHe sounds a bit like an overgrown little boy who never figured out that there are better ways to get attention than being obnoxious… At least, I hope this is the case — all mouth is probably better than the alternative if he wanted to be vengeful…. If he isn’t scary, I wonder how he would react to kindness?
ReplyDeleteWe used to get along just fine. I would send over supper when he was recuperating from surgery.
Delete(I’d have gone off on him too, btw, but I’m not decent enough to regret it!). (I see in your responses above that he wasn’t as bad in the past…)
DeleteGood for you. The drink has clearly addled his brain but he needs to be told what is what.
ReplyDeleteI probably could have done this with a lot more class as opposed to dropping to his level.
DeleteThe guy obviously has some mental health issues, but that doesn't excuse his behavior and I don't blame you for going off on him. (As you know, I have my own nightmare neighbors so I can sympathize!) It's funny how people with paranoid tendencies inevitably skew right in their politics.
ReplyDeleteIt's because they swallow the conspiracy stuff hook, line, and sinker.
DeleteYou must have been exhausted after that rant. It takes a while to calm down, especially when you're not used to shouting at people.
ReplyDeleteI do not always speak in dulcet tones, but I don't often go off like that. I'm trying to think...I'm not sure I needed to calm down afterwards. I sure did feel bad to swear my head off like that. I hate great noisy vulgar public scenes.
DeleteGo Debby....well done you!
ReplyDeleteYeah...I'm guessing we won't have trouble with Dan the man for a while.
DeleteI know exactly what you mean about a fish wife. Good on you Debby👍
ReplyDeleteI imagine you do. I could have used the word screaming banshee, and you'd have gotten that one too.
DeleteGood for you. He sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant character, to put it mildly. I am sure you won't be sorry to leave HIM behind when you move.
ReplyDeleteNope. We won't.
DeleteYou have to stand your ground, neighbours like that (we live next door to a female version) they are bullies they rule by fear, well done.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't scare me, but he is icky.
DeleteWell, I bet that livened up the day for your street's residents 😉. I hope he backs off now 🤞
ReplyDeleteI think he will. He doesn't like confrontation. The last ultimatum held for four years.
DeleteThat was probably enough excitement for one day. Eh?
ReplyDeleteYou actually may have raised my blood pressure too. Or him really.
Yes. Certainly enough excitement for the day. I cannot be accused of being an adrenalin junkie, that's for sure.
DeleteNow and then we gotta lose our shit to people who just cannot be decent. Taking the high road all the time - it can get old, especially when you are living your life, minding your business.
ReplyDeleteNo high roads taken in this incident.
DeleteYou should keep a diary of every time there is some sort of antisocial behaviour so it can be presented to the authorities when things escalate
ReplyDeleteWe will being doing that. The police suggested it.
DeleteThat was a good read ;) ;)
ReplyDeleteGlad I gave you a giggle, Thelma.
DeleteWe've lived in Illinois all our lives, in cities including suburban Chicago. Never had any problems with neighbors.
ReplyDeleteWe are getting ready to move out of this state - if you watch the news you understand why; we don't want to be here when the state finally goes bankrupt and we're tired of paying over $8k annually in property taxes.
This is the kind of thing that scares the snot out of me - moving into a place where we have an insane neighbor. Life's too short to have to put up with that crap. The show Fear Thy Neighbor documents many times when things like this got out of hand. I pray that your neighbor moves on before anything else happens.
We'll be the ones moving on, Chad. We will be gone from this house before summer's end. We'll have bad neighbors where we're going, too, but realistically, where the problems come in is when you have confrontations. For the most part, people can be ignored, and you can coexist quietly.
DeleteYou can only take so much and then you got to let it out. I hope the guy gets some help as his life must be miserable. But he shouldn't make others miserable along with him.
ReplyDeleteHe likes to be the boss, that's all. There is this macho persona that comes out when he drinks. The funny thing about him is that like many tRUMPers, he sits and watches others very closely, and he is quick to complain about every one else's behavior. But he never applies those standards to himself. Drugs are a big thing with him and he points his finger at everyone else. Meanwhile, there he is, getting drunk and smoking dope on a daily basis. He likes to accuse others of ripping off the system. He was on disability for quite a few years.
DeleteAs a person who grew up with an angry parent and as a person who within the past six months has yelled "Fuck you" at the top of my lungs at a neighbor's guest, I fully understand not feeling good about having had an outburst. Neither of us is expected to have superhuman control, but also in the long run it's often better for everyone than continuing to suppress the underlying feelings. Sometimes, however messy, it's the only way change happens.
ReplyDeleteYes. That is a lesson that I have learned lately in my own life. Sometimes, you just need to refuse to tolerate something. It is messy, because people rarely want to acknowledge their own part in things.
DeleteLook- sometimes you just have to let your feelings be known and sometimes your level of tolerance just snaps. I've been there. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. You were just pointing out (albeit in a loud voice) that his words and actions are not only intolerable but also illegal. He's no doubt got a myriad of problems but that does not justify abuse on his part directed towards his neighbors. I wouldn't have lasted nearly as long as you did before letting him know that his jerkitude is not acceptable.
ReplyDeleteIt is mostly that he was raging about the grill cover. Why on earth would he think we threw it on the ground? It was just ridiculous. He loves to accuse. He perceives us as 'rich', and has complained before about what we "should do" because we are "rich". The man needs to keep his opinions on the front porch, right along with his beers.
DeleteI'm pretty sure that calm reasoned inside voice feedback wouldn't have caught this guy's attention at all. So you did what you had to do. And calling the police was also what you had to do - there will now be a record of a disturbing the peace incident that will potentially give them more to work with the next time. And can you actually see him peeing outside? Around here that counts as an exposing oneself and can end up with actual charges.
ReplyDeleteSo its too bad you were upset but I think you acted for the best in the circumstances.
Ceci
Yes you can. That has been going on for quite some time.
ReplyDelete