Anvil Cloud commented yesterday that Tim and I have an interesting relationship, and I've been thinking about that.
Tim and I are very different. Most of the time, we simply accept those differences. He likes cars. As long as my car gets me from point a to point b, I'm happy with it. He likes to hunt, so I raise the vegetables. We get along pleasantly for the most part. I like to read. He doesn't. I like to write. He doesn't.
Things like that, in my mind are pretty superficial differences though and now that we are retired, we spend a lot of time together and we get along well enough.
Communication has always been an issue. Tim doesn't like to argue, with anyone. He will walk away. I think that sometimes things need to be said, brought out into the open. Everyone has their own personal 'non-negotiables'. I think. There are things that he will not tolerate (and shouldn't) and there are things that I will not tolerate (and shouldn't).
Sometimes, life happens and don't you damn know it, you look around and realize that you've blundered into one of those non-negotiable mindfields.
Tim will never be known as a great communicator but he listens. He won't answer in a lot of cases, but I chalk that up to being raised in an authoritarian family that didn't allow a lot of discussing. I know when he's upset about something because he sniffs. As ridiculous as that sounds, when I hear a sniff, followed shortly afterwards by another sniff, I know that somethings up. And so I ask him what he's upset about and he doesn't answer and I wait, because I know that he is upset. I'm kind of a no bull girl, and eventually, probably to get rid of me, he does talk. And we figure it out.
In this case, I'm the one who is upset. He understands the problem. He agrees that it is a problem. We are even in agreement of how it should be handled.
I think a lot of marriages are like that. Most I guess. I don't know. What we have is respect for each other and what we both bring to the table. It's a working partnership, and has been for 25 years.
Between us, we have raised 5 kids, and got 4 of them through college, We have built a nice little business for ourselves that generates income and should continue to do so for all the rest of our lives. When we are done, that business will be sold and divided up and provide each child with a nice nest egg that will advance them in their own lives.
Pretty decent life's work for a quiet hardworking man and a talkative hardworking woman.