While I was away in England early last spring, the inclement weather and the fact that Tim was not yet retired (which kept him kind of close to home) led him to explore television a bit more. Up to this point, he's not been all that interested in it really. Anyways, once I was home, I discovered my husband had a new habit. I call it screaming mimi tv.
You know the shows I am talking about: guests get on and scream at each other, sometimes have to be physically separated. Paternity test results are read. Lie detector tests are given and liars revealed on prime time. More screaming...one party in joy...another in hysterical denial...crazy stuff.
So when I began hearing fighting and screaming from the office, I began to walk in to see what he was up to, and I was shocked. Tim is a very quiet person. He doesn't appreciate yelling and screaming and noisy public scenes, but here he was.
"Really, Tim?" I'd say, but not much more than that, because really, I have to admit to being a bit of a true crime junkie. (Dateline, for example.) Tim hates shows like that.
So anyways, this morning it was raining and Tim was pacing because he had nothing to do, so he switched on the television to see if Trump has been arrested yet, and Maury was on. He settled down. I rolled my eyes. Oh my gosh, I just don't get this.
It was a top ten program, with highlights (?) and catch-ups with people who had been on their show. So there's this one guy, plain as a potato, who decided that his girlfriend had cheated on him, because the toddler looked at him and said, "Que pasa?"
"The baby doesn't even speak English. Not my kid!" he repeated over and over and over.
For pity's sake. Maybe the child watched Dora the Explorer.
His girlfriend howled and carried on something awful. "It IS your son. I swear, I haven't cheated on you!"
Plain Potato Man sat there stony faced. "Child speakin' Spanish."
Well, they did the test and announced the result. The child was his. The woman is yelling "Boom! There you go! I told you!" etc.
So they did a follow up to see where they are at today. Still a couple. But now Plain Potato Man is certain the oldest boy is not his. "He doin' all sorts of karate moves. Child definitely got Asian blood."
So the woman is howling and carrying on something awful. "It IS your son. I swear, I haven't cheated on you."
They did the test and announced the result. The child was his. The woman is yelling "Boom! There you go! I told you!" etc.
She announces she's not "playing this game any more."
I thought, "About time...how can you make a life with that kind of stupid? I'd have been out the door the first time he started that stupid talk..." etc.
I stopped talking as she said, "I am done with this. I got my tubes tied."
The man exclaimed, "You did whuuuuuut????"
She laughed and he laughed, and they claimed everything was wonderful, and that he was being the best daddy he could be.
I'm always dumbstruck to discover just how much dumb there is in the world.
Tim shut off the television. Evidently it was a bit more dumb than he could take.