One thing good that has happened this summer is that with all of the remodel work, and Tim working full time (and me NOT working full time), we have once again returned to the days when he once again trusts my judgement and skills.
When we started out, we were a pretty good team. We worked together. Our ideas carried the same weight. Well, except for the time he asked what color to paint a kiitchen. I said 'something neutral' and returned home to discover he had painted it an ungodly shade of tropicana orange.
Working on the business full time while I worked full time, that dynamic changed. He made the decisions. If he asked my opinions, very often he just disregarded them altogether. The business became 'his'.
I didn't mind it. It prospered. We did okay. But what I did mind was that we got to a point where I couldn't do anything without being second guessed. Nothing annoys me more than feeling as if I can't wipe my...um...nose without being second guessed.
This summer, he had no choice. We would have never got that job done if he hadn't unclipped that leash. The other thing that made quite a difference was that the house was tiny. Our renovation was focused around the most efficient use of space. I am very good at that. He began to once again ask for input but he stopped second guessing. He even admitted that my instincts in that respect were better than his own.
Now we are working on the garage. He was calling down board lengths. I squared off the boards and cut them to length. I pushed the boards up the ladder and he pulled them into place.
We worked in this way all day. When we finally dropped into bed, we lay in the dark for a while talking. "It feels like we are a team again. I like that."
And the answer came back. "I do too."
In our relationship, I'm the something neutral person and my wife is the tropicana orange person. We spend a lot of time trying to find common ground.ReplyDelete
There are peaks and valleys, as well as seasons, in a marriage. From what I have observed from you, you both know how to navigate all of that and how to learn from it. Who knows? You might both agree on Tropicana orange some day!ReplyDelete
We will never agree on the orange. Side note: the tenant loved it.ReplyDelete