Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Pamela Patchett, I think I have your kid.

This morning, I was putzing in the kitchen when I heard a scream from upstairs.

"What happened?" I called out.

*no response*

"Cara?!!!" I began to head towards the stairs.

There was another scream, longer and even more piercing. I raced up the stairs, and threw open the door. Cara stood in the hall, doing a crazy hopping up and down thing but appeared to be unbloodied.
She grabbed me and pushed me in the room, shrieking, "Get in there! Get it! It's on my pillow! It's huge!"

And there it was. On her pillow was a spider. It was large, but it was substantially smaller than I had been led to believe. It was not as long as her arm.

She stood in the middle of floor screaming her head off as I went to the bathroom to grab a piece of tissue. "If this gets away, so. help. me! ...hurry! HURRY!!!!" I returned to the room, and plucked the spider from her pillow, and headed back to the bathroom as she helpfully continued to shriek. "Don't drop it! Don't lose it!" I opened the toilet, dropped the tissue in and flushed.

When I re-entered the hallway, she was standing at the door of her bedroom. "Did you flush it?"

"Yes," I said.

"Did you REALLY?"

And I said, "Yes, Cara."

She looked at her bed. "The pillow has to go. It's unfortunate, because it was a good pillow, but it's out of here. It's collateral damage."

I looked at her. "The pillow is fine."

"I can't sleep on the pillow."

"You'll be fine. Really."

I headed back downstairs. By the time that Tim got in, the thing had grown considerably, and made hissing noises as it reared up at her.

Pamela? Come and get your kid.


A Novel Woman said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Sisters!! Twins separated at birth!

You know, this is mainly what we use our vacuum for. Not doing carpets and floors, but sucking up random spiders from corners of the room or curtain folds or (shudder) I can't go on...

You gave me my laugh of the day!

Happy New Year, my friend. Say hi to my buffalo pal.

Hal Johnson said...

I've heard similar stories from friends with grown children. Funny how sometimes they turn into your baby in an instant.

Mrs. Spit said...

Nope, sorry, Cara is totally right. That pillow is collateral damage and must go.

BUSH BABE said...

ROFL... too funny. I am not scared of spiders in the least (which is fortunate considering so many seem to love our new deck) but Dash - despite being enamoured of most creatures - is distinctly UNkeen to be near them.

Sorry Cara. Still giggling.

Kip's Money Saving Minute said...

I was scrolling blogs, clicking the "next blog" button when I found your story. I can't stop laughing...mostly because it reminds me of a friend who hates spiders as well. When she walks through a spider web she instantly turns into a ninja...arms swinging and legs kicking. Then the "icky" dance starts and she looks like she belongs in the movie Flash Dance. Anyway, great story and thank you for the laugh. Happy 2013.

quid said...


No choruses of "The Itsy Bitsy..."
that morning, I guess.