Friday, August 17, 2012

Deep down

We have such a nice house now. Not that we didn't before, but this one, well, it's really quite a remarkable home. The nicest home I've ever lived in.

We primarily live on the first floor, Tim and I, but upstairs, there is another bathroom, right next to Cara's room. We call that Cara's bathroom. It's a nice bathroom. She has a nice bedroom, with a fireplace. Right now it is full of stuff. Lots of stuff. For several years now, Cara's room has actually been sort of a drop-off zone, where things are left, things are taken. Stuff comes and goes.

She didn't come home much this summer. She was planning her move to Altoona, working. Earlier this month, I took her there. With, predictably, a load of stuff. Still lots of stuff remains, up there, upstairs in Cara's room.

Talking to her last night on the phone, I said something, I don't know. Can't remember, but Cara said, "Um. Mom. You do get it, right? You understand that I will never live at home again."

I don't know... I guess that I did know, deep down.

I guess that I hadn't really thought about it until she said it out loud.

Tonight, I went upstairs, to that lovely bathroom. Cara's bathroom, right there at the top of the stairs, and to the right, Cara's bedroom, all full of Cara's stuff.

We have a beautiful home, the sort of home that I wish that our children had the opportunity to grow up in. We have it now, and our children don't live here. They will never see it as home.

I don't know...I guess that I did know it, deep down.

Tonight I stood at the top of the stairs and I looked at the vast expanse of gleaming hardwood floor, and before I knew it, I was crying.

I don't know...I guess I knew that I would, deep down.


BUSH BABE said...

Awwww...hugs! But you know they WILL come home to visit, to celebrate their milestones, to bring their grandchildren. It will be filled with many wonderful memories for you all. Maybe not the ones you once hoped for, but surely the ones you need?


Debby said...

I know. There is so much excitement that lies ahead for this little family. And this little 'mother-moment'will pass. It's just hearing it, realizing it for the first time...well...


Anonymous said...

I know what you mean, our son lives in Germany so he comes home every 3 years, our daughter lives near us but has a very busy life so we don't see her as often as we like, she has young children that have activities to go to, they are farmersand that is lots of work, lots of laundry and very early to bed every night. Sometimes I just pick up there pictures and let the tears roll. I see our daughter regular but would like more, I just miss our son so much at times.

Michael said...

Hearing the kind of woman that Cara is, you most certainly gave her an excellent home, and it had nothing to do with house/apartment stuff.

A Novel Woman said...

Oh, I get it. I really do. Hugs.

Hal Johnson said...

Y'know, Debby, my impulse is to offer comforting words. Or, at least to try. But you know what? Sadness is part of life. And there is often so much beauty blended in with sadness. This was a beautiful post. It was a sad post, but it was beautiful BECAUSE it was sad.

That said, please don't quit having fun at my expense on Facebook just because I'm so taken with this post. That would REALLY be sad. :-)