Kind of an astounding day today, and I am not sure what to make of it. There's been a lot going on, a lot of things that you all don't know of, lots of things that I've been pondering in my own heart. Today, many things were set to rest in that heart of mine, and I don't know how to explain that right now, not without sounding like a complete lunatic. It is enough to say that driving today, my heart was set to rest, and I feel as if I can step out in confidence to deal with the events of the next few days, and I thank God for that one.
My kids will be home tomorrow night for their grandmother's funeral on Saturday. Dylan gets in at four, no word yet from Cara. Brianna and Buddy are moving into their own place this weekend, so that is a good thing, although it makes things a bit more hectic.
I'm looking forward to having my kids home. It gives us a chance to celebrate Brianna's 30th birthday, which was actually September 18th, but we thought it would be more special to celebrate it when everyone was home. Marking the end of a life, celebrating a life unfolding. It's all kind of jarring in a way, but it's also the way of life, I guess. My mother's 9th great grandchild was born the day after her death. 'Life's a dance you learn as you go.' We're dancing along with things as best we can.
I suppose that the big news is that I drove to Erie for the results of my PET scan. No cancer. They also said it is about this time when they begin to cautiously use the word 'cure'. They did comment that I need to seek followup because I have, of all things, an aortic aneurism. It shocked me to hear that, because my mother had one for years. Since hers never grew or changed, I guess that I was pretty calm about that news. It was more like 'Huh. Now that's ironic.' I'm not worried about that in the least. I am very glad for the cancer free diagnosis.
I walked out of there in shock, I imagine. I called Tim to let him know, because I knew he was anxious to know, and I called my sister and left the news on her answering machine. I began the drive home not feeling much of anything at all. But as the miles clicked by, as I drove past fields ablaze with colors, purple asters, golden rod, white wreath asters, the impact of that news finally began to hit me. I'd worried about wasting money on my schooling...I can stop worrying about that. All those dreams that I was afraid to dream, well, heck, the world's wide open to me now. I can dream what I want. I can plan a trip to Australia if I want to, because I've got wine glasses to deliver! Sounds stupid, doesn't it, that I stopped dreaming for a time, but I did. Just like autumn was bursting into full color all around me, I felt like my life was bursting into full color all inside me.
I stopped on the way home, and I leapt from my car to tell Mary the news, and we stood there, hugging each other. We've been friends forever, since we were children, and just the thought that we will be there for each other in our golden years made me gladder than I can say.
Today, I rejoice.