Thursday, July 7, 2011

Scented toilet paper, back pain, chocolate covered bacon and rumors

Last week, owing to an incident with a one piece bathtub and surround unit that ALMOST fit up the stairs to a second floor apartment, I injured my back. Instead of getting better, it got worse. Very much worse. By Monday, I was being touted as 'the missing link,' walking in a strange stiff hunched way. Tuesday morning, I got drugs. Lots of 'em. I did not take them until the end of the day, however. I was scheduled to work. We are shorthanded, and I knew that the person who would get stuck with my shift was my dear friend Karen, and I couldn't do that to her. (Although she'd have told me not to worry about it, and done it anyway.) So I went to work. I have the next few days off, and I plan to putter around this poor house (it sadly needs the attention!) and get myself back to rights again.

In the meantime, here's a few thoughts:

I had a cavity filled at the dentist's. On the walk downtown, I saw a shop which advertised chocolate covered bacon. Serious. The same shop advertised 'scented waxed toilet paper.' I found myself stopping to stare. I had reconciled myself to the bacon by reminding myself that perhaps the salt/sweet thing goes together like chocolate covered peanuts or peanut butter cups. But the scented waxed toilet paper. I decided that I don't want slippery toilet paper, I wanted absorbant toilet paper...and then I screamed a little to myself in my head. "Make the pictures STOP," my mind screamed. I walked on briskly. And when I came back to my car, the same thoughts began to run through my mind as I passed the little shop. Ack. I think that they should simply take that sign down.

Late Edit: I could not get over the vision of wiping my hiney with wax paper, no matter how good it smelled. This zoomed right to the top of the "what on earth were they thinking" list. Turns out that waxed and scented toilet paper is not for wiping with. I do feel better. Well. Not my back, but I couldn't get that picture of wiping w/ wax paper out of my mind.

And here's more on chocolate dipped bacon. Who knew?

Last night, a woman from our church posted on facebook that a patient from the Warren State Hospital had escaped, and that the person was considered to be very dangerous, a mentally ill murderer. She said that a command post was set up at the local fire department. She said that he'd last been seen on Egypt Hollow, which is shouting distance from me. To be prudent, I checked 'breaking news' and there was nothing. I try to be sensible, and it struck me that I had to pass Egypt Hollow coming home from work. Here's the thing: if it were such a huge deal that the police had commandeered a local fire department building, there would have been a police presence. I'd have passed a cop or two on the way home. I remember when we did have an escaped killer here a few years back, each and every car was stopped and checked, going in and out of the area. You had to physically get out of your car and open your trunk. So based on that, I decided that my friend's story was bulls**t, and I went to bed. I've been thinking though. Why do you post something like that in a public forum? It may have been possible that a patient escaped. She might have actually heard that, but the rest of it, the fire department part, she had to know that was a lie. The parking lot would have been full of vehicles and cop cars, and she lives right there. Why do people feel the need to breathlessly report rumors and untruths?

(No late edits on this portion of the story, sorry to say.)

This is a strange post, I know. But I am woefully woozy from the painkillers and in my own befuddled mind, this ties together somehow. Tell me how, peoples. Tell me how.


A Novel Woman said...

I bought some bacon chocolate last year at a Vegas Whole Foods, after my friend (who lives there) insisted it was the "in" thing and great paired with red wine.

It was not. It ruined both the bacon and the chocolate, both of which are excellent on their own.

Waxed toilet paper squares do exist. I had to use them in Bulgaria, circa 1971. You are correct in your assumptions that absorbent is better.

Your friend is bored. Perhaps you should suggest a hobby, like dipping toilet paper in wax?

Hope your back is better. If all else fails, try bacon and chocolate and red wine, but skip the bacon and chocolate.

Kelly said...

First of all...I'm sorry you hurt your back and I hope it's better very soon. Back pain is no laughing matter.

I'm glad you provided the link for the waxed TP. I just couldn't imagine! Hmmm...maybe we should make some to sell at our church bazaar this fall.

I watch enough Food Network to be familiar with the pairing of chocolate and bacon. I like chocolate, but I LOVE bacon and after reading NW's comment I don't feel any need to try them together. I'd hate to ruin my bacon!

That last story.... well, it sounds like something kids would tell at a bunking party! I'm glad there was no truth to it, but geez.

BUSH BABE said...

Pam: LOL. You funny.
Debby: hope your back sets itself to rights and YOU look after yourself (and not attempt to be a furniture removal person!). I suspect rest might be the key here, but knowing you... and I now have toilet images I could really do without racing through MY mind. Thanks.

Mary Paddock said...

Ugg. Back problems. I hope it gets better soon. I'm sorry, but some marriages are just wrong--chocolate and bacon should seek their own kind. :)

jeanie said...

Ever since I read S E Hinton's "The Outsiders" I have thought American's eat wierd combinations - they had chocolate cake with bacon if I recall.

The local council where I grew up should sue about that whole waxed paper thing, because the toilet paper they used to use was the real deal - without the scenting or the interesting discussion points. Well, unless you were into such discussions - which we aren't, are we?

Anonymous said...

No Jeanie. No we are not.

The Outsiders was one of my favorite books as a teenager.

I like bacon alright. But with broccoli not chocolate.

Foothills said...

health is wealth so try to keep healthy always
which is the effective treatment for neck and back pain ? very nice blog keep on posting dear.i come across while searching blogs