Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Last Night.

Last year, I walked with my friends. I wrote about it. I remember it fondly. I wondered why I don't do things like this more often. I mean to, but people are busy. I'm busy. They're busy. It's always some damn thing.

Today, I was working. A woman from church came in. We talked. She matter of factly said something about Kathy's death, assuming I knew. I did not. I didn't know, and the news hit me right square between the eyes. I couldn't breathe for a second. I remembered a hot summer night, and how we all walked that night giggling like school girls. And now, impossibly, my friend has died. My friend died last night.

The woman left, and I stood there, still in shock. Still. In shock.

An acquaintance came up and slapped a bag of feed on the counter. He said something. I don't even know what, and I looked at him, and he asked me if I was alright at precisely the same time that I burst into tears. He stood there, looking around wildly, saying, "Uh oh," not quite sure what to do.

I gathered my wits, and I stopped crying. I took a deep breath, and I ducked my head, and went back to work.

It seemed like a long night, longer than usual, and I did my work with girlish giggles echoing in my mind.

It was less than a year ago. Almost a year. Not quite. Not long, though. Not a long time ago at all, and it all changed so suddenly, and excuse my french, but it's so fucking just not fair.

Excuse me.

12 comments:

Mikey said...

Oh Debby, I'm so very sorry for your loss. You're right, it's not fair, not fair at all. Damn.

Mary Paddock said...

I'm very sorry Deb.Sometimes, life just stinks. But I'm sure you're even more glad now that you spent that evening walking with those friends instead of going home to clean house.

steviewren said...

I'm sorry is such a weak thing to say. It doesn't seem to do much to acknowledge your profound sense of loss, but they are the only words I can find. Very recently a blogger who lived in my state died. She was younger than me. She wasn't sick. It was a shock. I'd never met her, but I felt hammered by the news nevertheless. So, again I'm really sorry for your loss.

BUSH BABE said...

Oh Debby... that's awful. Wish I was there to hug... nothing else really seems to cut it!

On another note, hoping Cara is okay? That last post has me worried.
HUGS
BB

Scotty said...

So sorry to hear of your loss, Debby - wishing some warm thoughts your way...

A Novel Woman said...

No, it's not fair.

A famous and beloved Montreal author died a few years back, and one of his grown daughters stood up at the funeral to pay tribute to her father and his legacy. She was holding it together, but at the end of her speech she suddenly shouted "Fuck cancer! This is so unfair!" That pretty much summed up how we all felt about it.

Brianna said...

I read her obit in the paper... didn't know she was your friend. No, it's not fair, and yes, it does suck. I'm sorry. :(

Kelly said...

I am so sorry, Debby! (((HUGS)))

...and unfortunately life is not fair.

PaintedPromise said...

hey no apologizing!!! it is SO not fucking fair... and i don't use that word lightly... as i know you don't...

i'm sorry Debby {{hugs}}

jeanie said...

Oh Deb, that is so effing unfair. Hugs to you - and thank goodness you did have those giggles and that walk.

Bill of Wasilla said...

Very sorry, Debby. You are right, of course. I don't know what else to say, except that we all seem to come to this place too many times.

Linda (PA_shutterbug) said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, Debby. I lost a friend, too, earlier in the week. Her name was Karen. She died of lung cancer.