Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Today, I wrote a paper. Today I began working on a study sheet for a final. I have 12 more days of school, and then I have a week's break, and summer term begins. Lest you think that I've gone completely off my nut, allow me to say that I am knocking out my remaining two prerequisites before fall semester. I am taking my final English requirement and the Abnormal Psychology class (as an online course). As my auntie said, "Well, that course should come pretty easy." Oh, she's a funny one, that auntie! :^D

I like school. Don't get me wrong, but I have been so overwhelmed. Class every day. And then throw in work (25-33 hours/wk). Add that to the fact that I rarely see Tim because I go to school during the day, he works second shift, and on the weekends when he's off work, I'm putting in most of my working hours . I miss having a circle of friends. I want time with my kids and grandbaby. Life has narrowed itself to a rut. I feel guilty about taking time for myself. I feel guilty about being a poor wife, a poor mother, a poor grandmother. My mother is ill, and I cannot stop. My sister is graduating from nursing school and I have to work. My friend is ill, and I have not been able to be there since midwinter. There just is no time, and I am seriously, seriously tired.

My sister says, "This is a season." It is. I know. This way of life is not the way that it will always be. I try hard to keep that in mind, but at this point, I've lost perspective.

This summer, I will be. I will simply 'be'. I will be a human being. I will draw my friends and my family close to me, and I will savor the richness of those blessings. I will dandle my grandbaby. I will spend time with my daughter and son-in-law. I will work side by side with my husband on a house that we both love, and we will, for the first time in our lives, begin the process of creating a home that is uniquely our own. I will read books for pleasure in the night when I am at home alone. Tim will kill me, but I believe that we need a cat. I will sit with friends in my new back yard and we will talk. I will buy a journal, and I will record summer's blessings each night with a glass of wine, and I will revel in gratitude.

When I return to school in the fall, I hope to feel restored. When the days get hectic, I will have a small journal to read and smile at, and the memories of summer will carry me through the fall and the winter.


Cara said...

We do need a cat. We need a cat so awfully bad. I've been telling you for years. Nothing is better than curling up with a cat and a book to pass the time.

Brianna said...

Aunt Anna's right, Mom. It IS just a season! It will be over soon enough, and then you'll not only have the time that you crave, but a career and the joy of a job well done. Don't feel guilty, we all understand that right now, you're booked up! Well, all of us except William, and he's too young to remember anything that's happening right now, let alone comprehend a busy adult schedule! Just remember that it's just a season, and it WILL pass! :)

BUSH BABE said...

...and now I have "Que Sera, Sera" running through my head. And images of Debbys and firesides and books and cats and Tims.


Anonymous said...

Ahhh yes! A house is not a home without a cat... as somebody much wiser said so well. I passed my last one on to BB as thought it too much for her (the cat not BB) to transpose - and we were building and want to travel etc. etc. Don't know how much of the latter will really happen, but I do look forward to getting a cat again to share with. They are also very good for unconscious meditation.

Enjoy your well-earned summer holiday. Know it will pass all too quickly!

Love Barb

Bob said...

Agree with everything but the cat part. Don't do it.

Debby said...

But Bob! When Tim pulled 17 radiators, he discover signs of mice on all three floors, and probably the basement too. This is a rather large house and I think that we NEEEEEEED this cat. My friend Karen takes in strays, and she has an excellent mouser named Buster...