I like school. Don't get me wrong, but I have been so overwhelmed. Class every day. And then throw in work (25-33 hours/wk). Add that to the fact that I rarely see Tim because I go to school during the day, he works second shift, and on the weekends when he's off work, I'm putting in most of my working hours . I miss having a circle of friends. I want time with my kids and grandbaby. Life has narrowed itself to a rut. I feel guilty about taking time for myself. I feel guilty about being a poor wife, a poor mother, a poor grandmother. My mother is ill, and I cannot stop. My sister is graduating from nursing school and I have to work. My friend is ill, and I have not been able to be there since midwinter. There just is no time, and I am seriously, seriously tired.
My sister says, "This is a season." It is. I know. This way of life is not the way that it will always be. I try hard to keep that in mind, but at this point, I've lost perspective.
This summer, I will be. I will simply 'be'. I will be a human being. I will draw my friends and my family close to me, and I will savor the richness of those blessings. I will dandle my grandbaby. I will spend time with my daughter and son-in-law. I will work side by side with my husband on a house that we both love, and we will, for the first time in our lives, begin the process of creating a home that is uniquely our own. I will read books for pleasure in the night when I am at home alone. Tim will kill me, but I believe that we need a cat. I will sit with friends in my new back yard and we will talk. I will buy a journal, and I will record summer's blessings each night with a glass of wine, and I will revel in gratitude.
When I return to school in the fall, I hope to feel restored. When the days get hectic, I will have a small journal to read and smile at, and the memories of summer will carry me through the fall and the winter.