Today, I had two more tests, one a midterm. I still had my shortsleeped headache, and I studied, but I was tired. Again, I got to school early, and I studied in the empty classroom, but you know, again, I was not feeling good about it. The midterm? I have to say when I first glanced at it, I almost fell out of my chair. It looked like a mindbender. I took a deep breath and I swallowed my panic, and I began to read the first question. I thought about it, and realized that all I was doing was applying all that I had learned to new situations. That's all. One question at a time, I thought carefully, and I selected my answer. I spent a lot of time thinking, and when I was done, I did not go back over it.
Friday, April 15, 2011
I'm Going to Make It.
Yesterday, I had a big test in Anatomy and Physiology. I was just sick about it, studied and studied. I was so tired, and I had a splitting headache, and so I went to bed, finally, and I did not feel good about things. I felt like I needed to keep on studying. Even worse, I lay in bed and definitions kept running through my mind. I recited processes to myself. Facts and figures and well...I got up the next morning, and I was so tired that I still had my headache. I left the house early, got to the lecture hall early, and I studied. Still, I did not feel all that confident about it. Taking it, I completed the first page, and I thought, "Well, at least I did well on the first page." 3 pages later, I was amazed. I had completed the test, and it was not hard. I probably shouldn't say it out loud, lest I jinx myself, but I think that I did well on it.
And when school was over, I walked to my car. This has been a rough week. I've had a total of four tests, I have been worried about my mother, (she's still in ICU)and I have been worried about Cara (can you say 'Canadian schizophrenic with a knife'?) But today, walking across the parking lot in the warm spring sunshine, today, for the very first time, I looked squarely at this school thing, and I realized that I'm doing well. I realized that, for all my worrying, I'm going to make it.