Sunday, March 13, 2011

Cara Writes

On the way over to Korea, Cara's brand new luggage was damaged. Those suitcases were packed chock full and did not survive the indignity of airport handling. Once she hit the ground in Daegu, her first days there were spent up to her armpits in paperwork to justify her stay. Finally, she had time to turn her attentions to the matter of her luggage and discovered that she was too late to file her claim.

But Caras will have their satisfaction, and so she crafted a letter. Cara's letters are a thing to behold, truly. You should see her letter of resignation from Tim Horton's. After very prettily thanking them for hiring her, and for the opportunity to work with them, she states: "In recent days it has become clear that the food industry is not in keeping with the altruistic pursuits of my youth and as such is best to be abandoned at this time." She goes on to apologize for any inconvenience her two week notice might cause and she states that she will continue to be a reliable worker to the end and will be happy to train her replacement.

Well. As I said, Cara crafted a letter to the airlines.

To the Poor Soul Who Reads the Bitchy Emails and to the Airline that Causes People to Bitch,

Greetings, I am writing to you from Daegu, South Korea where I have just recently landed. I am doing well, thank you for asking. My luggage, not so much. When I arrived in Chicago I was given the wonderful news that while I made it over in one piece, my luggage was not so lucky. There was a rather large hole, exposing my cardigans (for the world to see, I might add) in my brand new, very pretty suitcase. How could such a travesty happen, I ask myself? It seems odd to think that an hour long flight might massacre my luggage in such a way, especially when I had such a fantastic baggage check clerk who was apparently preparing to be a quarterback. (By that, I mean that she heaved my luggage onto the conveyor belt). I understand that you have a "blink twice and you miss your chance to file a baggage claim" policy, however I wanted to give you an opportunity to write me an epic poem, buy me lunch, or at the very least provide me with a very sincere and heartfelt apology.

Thanks in advance for your undoubtably wonderful and charming response,

Cara *******

P.S. I know that I only provided three means of apology, but I would also take a variety of others. I happen to love coffee, long walks on the beach, and reading on rainy days.

I don't hold out much hope for a response, but if she gets one, I will let you know.

Side note: although she is very close to Japan, she has been unaffected by the earthquakes. I am worried about the radiation issues, but she is not. She is listening to American Forces Network news, and feels quite certain that if there were any danger, the military would be moving the dependents and civilians back stateside.

If they do not, well, I have a good idea who will be the recipient of Cara's next sarcastic letter.


Mary Paddock said...

That is one of the best letters of complaint I've ever read. Love the PS.

Twain12 said... letter ever

Kelly said...

Now that was entertaining!! Whether she gets a response or not, some poor shmuck without any authority will at least get a smile out of it.

Hal Johnson said...

That letter was brilliant. Made me cry, almost.

Bob said...

And just WHERE does Ms. Cara get her wit and writing ability?????? I don't think we have to ask!

jeanie said...

On ya, Cara!! I love a good letter.

My mother has a plaque that says "tact is a way of telling someone to go to hell in a way that makes them anticipate the trip".

A Novel Woman said...

Awesome letter! That girl has mad writing skills.

Now, could she please draft a letter for me? Air Canada, in just one year, had destroyed not one, not two, but three, count 'em, THREE suitcases of mine. The latest casualty was a week ago. I don't trust myself to be as charming as Cara.

Jayne said...

I LOVE that letter!
Cara is a very talented writer...wonder where she got that from...? ;)

BUSH BABE said...

Classic... and yes, I echo Jayne's comment. The acorn and the tree...