Monday, March 7, 2011

The Group

Know what scares me? It scares me when you are part of a group, and someone in that group makes a decision that something is wrong. Wrong. Maybe even evil. He begins to push his viewpoint, and the driving force of his argument is simply, "Well, this is the way that all good group members would see it." The implication being, of course, that if you don't see it the same way that he does, well, you, my friend, are obviously not a good group member. Since you are not a good group member, well, by golly, you are not important to the group, and perhaps you just need to go and find your own group someplace else.

I don't understand that a group has to be in lockstep in their thinking, and setting aside my own beliefs just to be a good group member is intolerable to me. I find myself thinking nervously, perhaps that IS the thing to do, because this group is part of my identity, even as I know that I have principles, that they are hard won, much prayed over, and that those principles are also a part of my identity.

Tim and I talked about this yesterday. I'd been keeping it to myself because he is part of this group too. He listened. He read the offensive document. He pondered it for some time. He came out into the kitchen where I was making omelets for supper, and he talked. I listened. Somewhere along the line, I realized that although this group is a big part of who I am, it is not all that I am. I am Debby, I am the wife of a good man, the mother of good children, the grandmother of William. I am a student, and a reader, and a friend, and a funny woman. The list goes on and on. The group is a big part of who I am, however it is not all that I am. Leaving it would not be the end of my world.

6 comments:

Jayne said...

Those who use this kind of brain-bending talk are insecure, desperate despot dictators in the making.
Those who take the time to talk it over, think it through are the better evolved social model we prefer ;)

Brianna said...

The way I look at it, Mom, is this: If you feel that you have to compromise your core principles, beliefs, or anything else that makes you essentially YOU, that group does not deserve to have you! :)

Debby said...

Thanks, Brianna. Hope all is well. Hadn't heard from you for a while. Love you.

Brianna said...

Yeah, it's been a hectic few days! The medicine Dr. McConnell prescribed William for the thrush made him gassy, so we started to give him Mylicon drops for that. Then we realized that THOSE were making him constipated... so we have had a very fussy little man since Saturday! It's getting better, though, we are now feeding him 2 bottles a day of dark Karo syrup mixed with spring water, and it's finally starting to work! I will give you a call tomorrow, update you on everything else that's going on. Love you too! :)

quid said...

My question is.... can you disagree and still be a part of the group? Or, if you disagree, are you automatically excluded from the group? That might be a telling point for me, if I had your dilemma.

quid

Bob said...

Look forward to hearing more about this . . .