Oy. What a horrible, awful snowy day. Wet. Slushy. I hate driving in that. Nothing was plowed. NOTHING. I got stuck. I decided halfway to school that I did not want to go to school, but decided that there was no sense in turning around at that point. I drove on, and I slid and I spun, and it was the scariest darn ride ever, let me tell you. I got to school 25 minutes late, but I was glad to get there at all. Everyone was surprised to see me. Most folks from Pennsylvania had not made it in.
At noon, I was done with school, and began the trip home. I was horrified to see that the roads were still not plowed. So I slid, and I spun, and I got myself back to my little town. Heading out the door to school this morning...definately not a good decision.
I had an appointment with the oncologist today. The tests were all good, as previously reported. I'm glad for that, don't get me wrong. It's just difficult to keep a positive attitude when you feel like crap. The bone pain is getting worse, and it's become a struggle. I worry about painkillers. I worry about the side effects. I cannot be dope-y. I cannot be drowsy. I drive every day. Today, for the first time, I felt as if we were on the same page, and that felt good. She seemed to understand that I was not trying to be difficult, that I have a lot of stuff on my plate right now, and I do not have the time to experiment with things.
She looked at me. I looked at her. She said, "Have you ever thought about stopping the tamoxifen, just to see if it makes a difference."
"Yes," I said. Every morning when I take the pill, but I didn't tell her that.
And so it was decided. I will stop taking tamoxifen for three weeks. "Could you keep a journal of the pain?" and I said yes. We have an appointment in three weeks to re-evaluate the situation. I walked out of that office, and I called Tim, and it surprised me how relieved I was. The possibility of being pain free...oh, gosh. I'm feeling good about this decision.
People have asked about my column. I think that this link should work.