Last night, I worked on Anatomy and Physiology, and it was complicated, but step by step, I proceeded on. It was not the most fun that I've ever had in my life, but when I closed that book, I was relieved. Felt like I'd made progress.
This morning, I drove in for my class, and I looked at the starkness of the landscape, all black and white with varying shades of gray, and when I got to class, I sat there listening. Aquaporins transport water, small channels that carry the water directly from cell to cell, which is called transcellular hydration, logically enough. But cells are also hydrated by the water in the interstitial spaces, absorbing that water through the cell wall. That is called paracellular hydration. Also logical enough. But as I listened, a small light came on. It was LOGICAL that it was that way. The water pressure around the cells insured cell integrity even as the cells expanded with water from the inside. When I said this, the teacher smiled and said, "You are correct." Class went on. It was a small moment, but I marveled at that, that I was grasping the material well enough to see the perfection of it, the logic of it, the reasoning behind it, and somehow I just felt calmer about the class. The anxiety about it? Just gone. Gone.
So anyways, I gathered my colored pencils and my pens, my notebooks and my text book after class. The young man sitting next to me talked in a friendly way. An older man sitting in a row ahead of me introduced himself as Tom and we talked about the class. I mentioned that I was feeling more confident. Like me, his life has taken a new direction. He is in the nursing program. I told him how it just seemed that I was headed just where I was meant to be, although I certainly could not have predicted this direction my life had gone. And we smiled, both of us understanding what a good feeling that is, to be moving towards your own destiny, realizing the paths that brought you right where you are supposed to be.
I left driving home. I planned Saturday's baby shower in my mind, and I thought on my very pregnant daughter even as I headed up the hill to visit my friend who's begun treatment for brain cancer. I think about Daria's funeral today. About cells. About beginnings, about endings, about this dance that we do, pinioned as we are between the bookends of birth and death, moving from one thing to another, led by Something we do not yet know, not entirely.
It is all clear. We all have a season, and a reason. Our steps are guided, our path before us, our past behind us. I marvel at the logic of it all, and I marvel at its beauty.