Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Groups

Last Wednesday, before the big midterm, when people were falling apart, I sent an e-mail to the class suggesting a study time, that we would meet in the library. We ended up with probably eight people, about 25% of the class. It was a good group, and we hit it hard. During our long laughing lunch, it was decided to meet once a week and study. Seemed like a good idea.

So, when another classmate told me that she was really having a hard time, I said, "Come study with us. It really did help..." and she enthusiastically said yes. After class, walking out, one of the members of that original study group said, "Our study group has decided to stay small. We'd like you to join, but this is not something we're offering to everyone."

Oh.

(voice over): 'You have been chosen to receive this special once in a life time offer...Call Now!'

Exclusive. I immediately thought of high school, when we were all in our own little cliques. There were the popular girls. The jocks. The quiet nerdy bookworms. The bad boys. The bad girls. Etc. Etc. Etc. In those years, 'never the twain did meet'. There was no crossing over. Even if the popular girls behaved badly, they would not be 'bad girls'. Even if a nerdy bookworm was fairly well liked, she could not be a popular girl. I stood looking at John in a considering sort of way. I mean, it's their group. They can decide who is in it, I suppose. I suppose it is a compliment that they want me in their group, but that whole exclusivity thing bothered me. So I smiled and said, "Oh, gees, I can't. I committed to another group."

What I didn't realize was that the struggling girl had overheard John's conversation with me, on her way out of the classroom. She sent me an e-mail basically 'letting me off the hook' on the study group offer. She was also hurt and embarrassed to be excluded. It's stupid, I suppose, that things like this should bother us, even into adulthood. But they do. After reading her e-mail, I knew that I'd made the right decision.

12 comments:

Roland said...

:)

Mrs. Spit said...

Wow. What an astonishngly bizarre and rude situation.

Lydia said...

Wow. So glad you are woman of character.

Karen said...

Funny ... that story reminds me of something I'd expect to hear from the kids in my daughter's sixth grade class. Not from "adults." Glad you said what you did.

Jayne said...

Wow, how disappointing to hear of that behaviour in adults :(
Yep, sounds like you made the right decision xxx

steviewren said...

I thought you were the one that sent out the original email...which would technically make it your study group....I say uninvite the snobs.

Kelly said...

I'm glad you chose not to abandon that girl. The two of you (and anyone else who wants to join y'all) can meet and study together instead. It shouldn't be exclusive.

Brianna said...

I'm with steviewren on this one. That's just crap! Heck, you have to grow out of the clique mentality eventually; even the "popular girls" that didn't say two words to me in high school (except to make fun of me) actually talk to me now!

Brianna said...

Oh, btw, good for you, Mom! You don't want to associate yourself with snobby people anyway! :)

Mary Paddock said...

The "in crowd"--that sect of people who need to feel like they're apart of something exclusive so that they themselves feel valuable and like what they're doing is important. It's kind of sad, really.

Do you know that they exist at churches too? Especially at "super churches" or churches that want to be. Ask me how I know.

BUSH BABE said...

Oh no... I am a bit of a 'fringe dweller' - liked individuals enough but tended to shy away when the 'mob' mentality struck.

Good choice Deb.
:-)
BB

PaintedPromise said...

oh i just hate that. on the horseback riding website i am on, some of us are accused of being a "clique" - it makes me so angry! we get off our butts and go riding together... so we have gotten to know each other, through riding and camping... and it's the people who don't bother coming to the rides who are always complaining about our "clique" - none of us knew each other "before", we have all met through this website and hey, if you don't make the effort to join in {and we welcome anyone, really!!} then how is it OUR fault that you are not having the fun we are having???

sorry but it struck a nerve, kinda backwards i know, but still, not off topic - at least, not too much i hope!!!