Thursday, September 2, 2010

Anniversaries

I'm busy. Lots of reading, lots of writing, lots of trying to figure out what I've already got done and what needs to be done. Mostly I feel like I'm just trying to keep up. But I love my classes. I love the classroom dynamics of the OT classes. You see the same people over and over again, and you begin to form friendships. I like that part, but you know, I also like interacting with the people in my other classes, the ones that I don't see so often. The hearty friendly farm boy who sits across the aisle from me in Life Span Development. Marty who sits beside me. The techno kid from English Comp. The fiercely intelligent young man who sits at the end of my row. We often find ourselves staring across our differences to respect each other, and that is always kind of cool when that happens.

So I'm reading and studying and trying to stay on top of it all. Enjoying myself. Enjoying my job. It's kind of interesting when people come in and stare at me. "I know you," they say, in a musing way. I look back at their unfamiliar faces and I say, "I don't know. I'm Debby H......," and their eyes will widen. They do know me. They read my column. Some of them read this blog. It amazes me, the cross section of people who are followers. I expect women followers, but there's a lot of guys out there who are regular readers too. It's nice. It really is.

Towards autumn, I always find myself thinking back. September is the month that I found my cancer. I read some of my old blog posts. Two years ago, at this time, life was completely normal. I babbled on, completely unaware, and then on September 26th, I found a lump, and life veered off on this big wide detour. I read through a few of the posts, and, you know, it almost seems unreal, as if it happened to somebody else, yet when I turned the page on the calendar to September just a couple days ago, right away, my eyes sought out the 26th. It's on a Sunday this year. I'm glad that I'll begin the day in church. Just seems right somehow. Mostly what I think is this. I think of the fifty September 26ths that meant nothing at all, not until THAT September 26th. Out of all of the September 26ths, only one of them has made such a powerful impact on my life. I think about that sometimes. September 8th was just September 8th, until my son was born on it. And September 12th was just September 12th, until it became Mike's birthday. September 18th was just September 18th, until the day that my Brianna was born. September 11th was just September 11th, until...well...and September 26th was just September 26th until 2008. You see where I'm going with this, right? It occurs to me that unwittingly, every year, we live the day that we will die. The day means nothing. Not yet.

What does it all mean? Heck. I don't know. I think it means that I'd better finish off my coffee and get moving. I've got a busy day in front of me. No time to for my mind to be wandering today. And, you know, that's probably a real good thing.

13 comments:

Jayne said...

Of course we all know you, you speak to something inside everybody!

Deb C. said...

I'm 55 and I just realized a couple of years ago that we live the date of our death once a year. It was a sobering thought, but I couldn't believe I'd never thought of it before. Wow, a lot of Sept. birthdays in your house!

WhiteStone said...

Sounds as if this is a great September for you, Debby! All the way round.

steviewren said...

There I was just meandering along with you when WHAM you hit me with a really deep thought....I should have expected it.

Kelly said...

Interesting thought: we live the day that we will die.

Subconsciously (or maybe not), I'm just trying to get beyond the ages both my parents were when they died. One down. One to go. Both have been gone the majority of my life.

Mary Paddock said...

It sounds like everything is going very well for you Deb. I am spending as little time as possible thinking about my age these days. :)

It looks like your September is a lot like our August (birthdays everywhere!)

BUSH BABE said...

Wow. A two whole years. That doesn't seem possible. Man I have been reading your blog a long time! I always leave a little richer for the experience though...

Can you hear how much more confident you are with your place at your college now? I love watching you grow (from way over here).

BB

Bob said...

Thanks for the glimpse of your life that you give us here.

Bob said...

Oh yeah, I'm proud to be one of your male readers. I've never figured out the following thing but I keep a close eye on your posts.

PaintedPromise said...

another incredible post Deb!

Anonymous said...

I've never thought about that before.... It's a little unnerving to think about the day I die like that. I prefer to think I will live forever in my fantasy world of rainbows and butterflies. But sadly the real world keeps calling me back. So for now I hope that day means nothing for a long time.

Dave said...

Enjoyed your reminiscing Debbie. Good that you enjoy other people, and that your life is full. Enjoy it. - Dave

Paula said...

I have just past my first year 'cancerversary'. This time last year you told me that in 12 months it would be all behind me and my life would return to normality ... and it has! I am a different person ... not saying better ... or worse ... but I do have another significant date on my calendar.

P x