Friday, June 4, 2010

Friday Weigh In

I hurtled that one pound mark. This brings my year's loss to 18 pounds. I really can see that exercise makes a big difference in weight loss. This week, my work hours have been cut to 22. I have to tell you, I was so glad to see that I almost cried in relief. This gives me time to scoot into the lab and do some histology work before the big test on Monday.

In flipping back through, it seems like all I talk about is school and this damn A & P. As if that is all there is. It isn't. It takes up a huge chunk of time, but there's been other things. I was driving to school, and I passed a small marshy area. I always take the time to look at the geese. The little goslings are adorable little fuzz balls. One day, I glanced over as I drove by, and there was a penguin in the tree. I did a shocked double take and realized that I was staring at an osprey head on. From that angle, all that I saw was the upright black and white bird, looking for all the world like a penguin in a tree. Penguins are not native to this part of the world. That made me laugh.

I saw a turtle crossing the highway during morning rush hour. It was a large turtle that had cleared my lane and was just crossing the center line. I couldn't stop, but I worried about that turtle. He was probably a snapper, and moving him off the highway would have been as easy as getting a large stick and poking it at him until he clamped down, and then dragging him off the road, but it was busy, and I had a class to get to, and so I decided that Yertle the Turtle was on his own. It did make me glad to see that cars were swerving to give him wide berth. On the way home, I looked for him, and was glad to see there was no turtle carcass. That made me glad.

A friend died. Of cancer. I didn't know that she'd taken a bad turn, having been too busy to call. Cara's home, and I feel as if I have no time to be with her. Tim and I are moving in our own directions. He's busy on the house. I'm, like as not, headed to work or headed to school, or have my nose in a book. The other day, I was trying to study, and he was trying to talk to me, and I told him that I needed to study. That makes me feel selfish.

I don't have time to do a lot of cooking, and I am behind on the laundry. We pretty much pick our clothes from the stack of clean laundry on the pool table. There are books everywhere. I feel like I've pretty much thrown my family to the wolves. This makes me feel guilty.

But the fact of the matter is, I feel guilty about everything. I invariably think that everything is all my fault. Tim and Cara are certainly old enough to fend for themselves (at 53 and 20 respectively). If I am to pass this class, I need to work at it. So I stumble on through as best I can, and I am grateful to catch brief glimpses of the people I love stumbling right along with me. I look for the small things to feel glad about, goslings, and penguins in trees, and turtles crossing the road. I admire flowers. Thunder and lightning storms (and we've had some doozies). These little details of life provide a respite, the pause that refreshes. The little things get me through. Reminding myself that this class will be done and over on July 1st is a big help too.

I still feel awful about my friend though. I do feel awful about that.

And so it goes.


WhiteStone said...

Sorry about that pile of clothes in the middle of the pool table. That means, that along with everything else, you're missing out on that daily game of pool, right? tsk-tsk

Funny! Clear over here in Iowa, I'm glad to hear that Yertle made it to the curbside. And I laughed about the penguin.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

Now...grab a cup of coffee and spend a few minutes with Tim. Five minutes with eye-to-eye, goes a long ways. *preaching to self as well!*

A Novel Woman said...

The only person who can make you feel guilty is YOU. So, to quote Cher in the movie MOONSTRUCK "Snap out of it!"

I'm guessing that for your whole life you've always put other people first. It's your turn now.

If you don't, who will?

Kelly said...

I'm still laughing at the thought of a penguin in a tree (in PA of all places!!).

Not sure I would have considered rescuing a snapper..... (does that make me sound horrible?!)

And in answer to your question: Yes, I'll certainly continue to associate with the likes of you even if you ARE a Yankee Doodle Dandy!!

steviewren said...

Whew! I'm all read up on your recent posts and I'm pooped! You've been Bu..ssseee...way too busy. Sorry about your friend and the Camero. Glad about the continuing weight loss and cut work hours. Confident about your ability to make it through the A&p class.

Mikey said...

I'm so sorry about your friend.
But I am glad to see you're not Ms. Perfect, cause honestly, I've been thinking that you were. How you manage to do it all, I could not figure out. But see, now I know. Some things you get behind on, just like the rest of us, lol. It's OK!!! Even though to me it never feels like it. I should do this and that and there are only 24 hrs in a day. Keep your chin up, you can make it!

Bill of Wasilla said...

Sorry about your friend. Happy about the penguin. Congratulations on the weight loss. I need to do the same. If you can do it, I can do it.

For reasons that I suspect you are aware of, I am totally, TOTALLY exhausted and simply can write no more.

Bob said...

Congrats on the pound! You are achieving permanent weight loss and you should be proud. I am still a yo-yo, going on and on about whipped cream and strawberry shortcake one day, going to spin class the next!

Go back and read your post about Tim selling the car (brought tears to my eyes) and where you said, with a guy like him, you can't fail. This is a good man. He understands what you're going through and he's loving you through it, truly the wind beneath your wings if you'll allow a tired cliche. Men have funny ways of showing that but it's true.

And I am SOOOOOO glad that someone else uses their pool table to fold laundry!!!!

Chez said...

Debby my thoughts are the same as 'A Novel Woman'
'This too will pass' as my Mother always said and you will, one day, look back at this time and smile.... having survived it all beautifully!