I've been awake since 2:30 in the morning. Spent that time wisely: trying to get back to sleep. It did not happen. I think that I need to give up caffeine. Or at least cut back (she says as she takes another sip of coffee). Anyways, so I was laying in bed, alternately throwing the covers off and then shivering and groping around to pull them back up over me, and my mind was doing the wandering that minds tend to do at o'dark thirty in the morning.
I thought about my friends, especially about two of them who are struggling with major illness. I pray to be useful to them. I think about Mary, who was so useful to me when I was sick, and now she's finished hospice training. I am glad for the people whose lives will be touched by her, because she is remarkable. Yesterday, a friend and her daughter walked over and visited. It was good to see them again. Mostly what was nice was seeing them happy. The bitterness has receded. The divorce is done, and as she makes a new life for her daughter and herself, she's becoming happy again. That made me glad too. It had become hard to be around her, hard to say the supportive thing. Our visit last night was like old times. I thought about Tim and me. I worried about work. (My cigarette count was like 20 packs off, and it's been bothering me. I like to do a good job). So I lay in bed, flitting between yesterday and years ago, from one place to another, from one face to another. Finally the alarm went off, just as I was dozing off.
I'm thinking of giving up caffeine, but this is not the morning to do it.