Sunday, May 23, 2010

Mother

You know, I feel bad about what I perceive as my 'failures' as a mother. I missed things. I sometimes grieve about things, certain in my heart of hearts that things I could've, should've been a better mother. I've come to find that most parents have their own private griefs and sorrows. Hindsight is 20-20, all of that, and I thought that all parents have this wish that they could go back and do it all over again armed with what they know now. At least that's what I thought, that we all saw our shortcomings clearly as parents.

Yesterday, in the store, a mother and her daughter came in. It was impossible to tell how old the girl was, at least initially. She was wearing makeup, a lot of it. A ton of it. A tattooed boy was standing at my register, the mother and daughter in the register next to mine. The boy and the girl knew each other and struck up a loud conversation. The girl said, "I just got thrown out of the mall by security. My mom had to come and pick me up." And I watched the mother laughing and shaking her head ruefully. Based on that clue, I would guess that the girl was not yet 16. The conversation continued on a little, crudely. Rudely. The mom continued to laugh and shake her head. As they headed out the door, the girl called in, called in from the door she was exiting, "Hey, text me, okay. And not 'Wanna f**k?' " And the mom waited for her daughter, laughing still.

How stupid. How shamefully stupid.

10 comments:

Kelly said...

I'm always amazed at people like that. Disgusting.

Caroline said...

Obviously the mother needed some lessons at being a mother as well.

Lydia said...

OK, that is horrible. However, I often think about all the things I did wrong as a parent and feel a little better having heard this scenario. *shakes head*

Anonymous said...

I've just recently been saying how disrespectful the youth of today are , and how we certainly didnt speak to adults the way most youth do today and the attitudes they have today , it is the way they were raised, the parents just didnt bring them up the way our parents generation brought us up, not saying we were perfect kids but way differnt than today.

Anonymous said...

ps forgot to sign my name, see i'm not perfect LOL! Debbie L.

Tammy said...

Okay, I am hard on myself because the maternal instinct still hasn't kicked in and my boys are 16 & 13! I just don't have what some mom's have with regards to nurturing, discipline, regular supper hours.. oh the list grows.... But I do not what is appropriate behavior and what isn't and my boys don't even use the word "ain't". They may embarrass me in other ways, but they don't shame me. A big difference. And I may lack a lot of the June Cleaverness, but I don't shame the boys, either. Thank you for posting this. I feel better about my parenting skills! :)

Redlefty said...

That mom could be several generations down the chain of similar behavior, with so much inertia that it seems nearly impossible to break. I know that as a parent I often find myself trapped into the legacy of parental habits I experienced as a child.

On the surface it sounds like that mom is living vicariously through the child, enjoying the stories of wildness and knowing that she won't personally be the one going to jail or getting pregnant.

I feel much sympathy for both of them. Their lives will likely involve a lot of pain. And even if it's self-inflicted it still hurts the same.

Hal Johnson said...

Geez that's sad.

steviewren said...

You got that right!

Bob said...

Redlefty speaks great wisdom here. You just never know what people are going through.