Thursday, April 22, 2010

A Post about Nothing

It's been a rough couple months here. Lots of things going on. It's been wonderful. It's been stressful. It's been busy. It's been just a trifle chaotic at times. When life gets rough, the last thing that you expect to happen is to hit a rough patch in your marriage. I guess that because Tim and I disagree so rarely, it comes as a double shock to me. We were walking along fine, and then suddenly, we hit a slippery place, and arms flailing, we sought to save ourselves. We've been in the throes of this for some time now. It peaked a couple weeks ago.

I remember once reading, (I think) over at Redlefty's blog, and we talked about how in any marriage, there's 'a line that shall not be crossed'. And because we love the other, we do not cross that. We do not want to run the risk of those terrible consequences. Redlefty also commented that as the years go by, that line gets pushed back, further and further. The love grows so deep that there is very little that will bring you up to that line. That's how it is with Tim and I. I pretty much figured we had an indestructable marriage. Faulty thinking, I guess, because *wham* we were upon that line. There was no shouting. There were no accusations. There was just a quiet, "Tim, I can't do this again," and his answer came back. "I know. And you shouldn't." And that's where it stayed for a while. And then slowly, we began to edge back from that line.

Things are not perfect. Hard times are not fun. Yesterday was Tim's birthday, and I gave him a card. I wrote how much I loved him. I needed to say that. I believe he needed to hear it. I fixed him a steak dinner with mushrooms and potatoes and broccoli salad. His son came over. It was a quiet celebration. Tim has a job interview on Friday. It's a good job. One that will, once again, provide us with benefits (after he's worked there three months), so we have our fingers crossed.

Life's funny like that, isn't it? You slog through the hard times, you rejoice in the good times, and somehow, some way, you find a way to keep on keeping on. I guess what I've learned is that you cannot take anything for granted. Everything, and I do mean everything is subject to change. You can only do your best to keep up with those changes.


Twain12 said...

fingers crossed on the interview !!

BUSH BABE said...

Oh gosh Deb... hugs to you and Tim. It's been such a rollercoaster for you both. Hoping you stay strapped in till it evens out... as surely it will soon!

I think taking things for granted is the great unsaid stumbling block upon which many marriages/friendships/business relationships perish. Reminds me. Must go hug my husband. Even when he annoys the carp out of me!

Karen said...

I've found that one of the hardest things for me to do is to pray for my husband when I'm upset with him. But, somehow, some way, afterwards, it helps. It really does.

Hope all goes well with this new job opportunity for Tim.

Redlefty said...

Quite a memory you have!

I rejoice and mourn along with you, when you hit those times.

And I feel you on the chaos, hence my horrible post count of late. There's an awesome post on "Doubting Thomas" completely ready in my brain, but I can't make the time/energy to get it through the keyboard.

Bush Babe's comment about taking things for granted is right on, and it's something we all know and we all ignore from time to time. Just the human experience, I guess.

A Novel Woman said...

Well, I guess I think of marriage as riding the waves together while sitting in a boat. Sometimes it's smooth sailing, sometimes the waves come up and threaten to swamp you. Throw in storms and sharks and it can be really hard. If only one person has the oars, you go around in circles, but if you're both pulling together, it's a lot easier to get to where you need to go. Of course, sometimes you just want to shove him out of the damn boat.

Hang in there. You've had more than your fair share of challenges thrown at you and that's enough to rock anyone's boat.

Geez, NW, metaphor much?

Anonymous said...

Always, always, always put each other first. It's not about the journey, it's about who you're with. (I don't know who said that. I read it somewhere.) Praying for Tim's job. Judy

Kelly said...

Wonderful comments here.

You've had a very stressful year. That can put all sorts of pressure on folks.

Praying for you and praying for the job situation.

Jayne said...

Good luck for the interview and best wishes to you both (((hugs))).
Belated happy birthday to Tim :)

Pencil Writer said...

Praying you get an even keel sooner or later. Keep loving through the hard times. Ditto most everyone else's comments. (Improper grammar and spelling?????)

Cara said...

GOSH DARN IT! I reminded myself on 4/20 that Tim's Birthday was on Wednesday.. and then I promptly forgot. I wish you would have reminided me yesterday when I called you! I feel like such a bum. I'll call him tomorrow, but wish him a happy belated birthday from me now, if you would. <3

jeanie said...

Hugs to you, Deb - no money, no work and that thin line happening the world over, sorry it got a bit rough over there.

Bob said...

Hugs and prayers.

Anonymous said...

You really are one of the sanest most lovely people Deb. Marriage can be hard ... but I'm so glad you are working on it.

quid said...

Oh, Deb... those rough spots. My 26 year marriage had two novellas... the first 17, where we had rough spots, recovered, breathed, went on and felt stronger for it.

I feel the real schism in a marriage that does break doesn't happen with a rough spot. Mine happened in year 18. It was quiet. Suddenly, I knew that we were both going to go in diametrically different paths into late middle and old age -- wanted different things, didn't want to face chalenge in the same way. Sort of like the big fork in the trunk of a tree when it starts to grow in two directions. Fundamentally changing. Incrementally moving away from each other until...dissolve. The bumps you will work through, you will put in perspective. The fork in the road where you move in two very different directions...little by little, it dissolves you.

I'm sure every case is different. But when two people have a lot of love and respect, it takes more than difficult times to split them. Its more like growing in two directions. What you describe is not that.

Good luck, dear Deb. I hope the job interview went well.