Monday, April 26, 2010

Just Wondering

It's a quiet and rainy morning here. We needed the rain, so I'm not complaining. I'm sitting here in my jammies, finishing my usual second cup of coffee. I've got to get started on this house. I've got a busy week coming, helping Mary and Danny move. I have a couple tests this week. I'm on the downhill side of school. My classes end the second week of May. I have finals coming up. I'm still straight A, as far as I know. Wouldn't that be something to wind up with straight A's for my first semester?

I'm ready for school to be over. I am taking a pretty intense (from everything that I hear) summer course, but just the one course. I've got some scholarship forms to fill out today. Cara will be coming home for a month, but then she is headed back out. She is working with Upward Bound for the summer. She had a free day, so she decided to bring home a carload of stuff. She is ready for school to be done too.

Tim thinks the interview went well. We'll see what happens this week.

This week will be a toughy for us on a personal level, so all you praying people? Pray.

Last week at church, I was worship leader, and when we did the sharing of our joys and concerns, Mr. B shared the latest on his recently diagnosed lung cancer. Then there was an outpouring of concerns. Pray for this person, who has cancer. So-and-so who has cancer. Three year old nephews, with cancer. Cousins. Brother-in-laws. Fathers. Mothers. I wrote the names down as people offered them up, and I was just really struck by the sheer number of these requests. I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something, but I don't know what it is. I'm a sap anyway, but add to that a week of personal issues and a euthanized dog, well, I was a wee bit more emotional than usual even. It was hard not to be teary eyed about all those names. Yesterday, back at church, I saw Mr. B and went to him. It shocked me to see his gray pallor. He admitted that he was having trouble with shortness of breath. He had his medport put in, and he begins chemo this week. Three times a week. He's having chemo three times a week. I cannot imagine. I tried to be encouraging, but on the inside, I was aghast. Three times a week! Holy cow. I pointed out that he was no less stubborn than I was. I assured him that he was tough enough to take it. Then I got off by myself and let the tears fly a minute.

We all operate in our own little corner of our world. We try to make a difference where we are, bloom where we are planted so to speak. I'd like to think that I make a difference, but it's hard to tell. There are people who seem to accomplish a lot more than I do. There are also people who accomplish a lot less. I write a column, and I write this blog, and people are encouraged by it, or interested in it, or entertained by it. There are some who simply use it as another way to criticize. I have a circle of friends and I am glad to have them, but it seems like we move in and out of each other's lives. This makes me doubt the importance of any difference I can possibly be making. I saw new Mary's aunt in the store yesterday and realized that it has been some time since I've had a chance to talk to her. How do we lose track of people like that? Do you ever think about it? How it will end? When we are gone, will our absence be noticed, or will we simply disappear with no trace to mark that we were ever there at all?


Kelly said...

Yes, Debby. You make a difference.

Prayer requests can be overwhelming at times. It can give a whole new perspective to the command to "pray without ceasing"! That's when you need to trust in the Spirit. God knows what's on our hearts and sometimes just going to Him in silence is all we have to do.

I'm praying for you.

Brianna and Buddy said...

Mother Teresa said something about not everyone being able to change the world with great acts, but everyone can change one person's world with small acts of great love. You do that Mom, every day, whether you know it or not. People will notice when you're gone someday, trust me!
We're both praying for you and Tim, and everyone else, on a daily basis. Love you!

Mrs.Spit said...

I know that your kind comments on my blog and your reminder to have faith and look on the bright side make a tremendous difference.

steviewren said...

I feel encouraged that my life has made a difference to my children. I hope to have a good and meaningful relationship with each of my grandchildren. I have a few close friends. I try to be kind.

I hope I've given them love and encouragement when they needed it. I'm sure you have done the same. We can't make a difference for everyone, but we can for the ones God has placed in our pathways.

Anonymous said...

We all make ripples in life that keep moving outward and who knows where they end? We can certainly see what can happen when nobody tries to change to the good and a good life is not one of great highs only but the constant flow of the good and the kind. No one of us can do it all, so don't be discouraged but your ripples are the positive kind Deb, believe me. I like the phrase - 'let go and let God' after we have done what we can. It works so well so often I find.

May all go well for you and Tim. You have both been through and accomplished so much in the last couple of years that I have known you. Maybe your spirits are a bit weary after the heights you have climbed and lows you have climbed out of, and need a bit of refreshment. Have you taken a little break right away together, if even for one night - preferably two or more - lately? Time out can be a great tonic. Doesn't have to be at a 5 star resort, just alone with no obligations and enjoy just yourselves.
Hugs and prayers Barb

Wasilla Bill said...

All I around me, I keep running into one case of cancer after another among people I know. You see some of them on my blog, but far more you don't see and there is someone that you do see somewhat regularly who is fighting that battle, but so far want to keep quiet about it, although we discuss it often.

Anyway, I hope that this week does not prove to be as tough as it appears it might.

I am not a religious person despite or because of my intensely religious upbringing, but in my own way, I pray, so you have my prayers this week.

Lydia said...

Debbie, you make a difference. I'm glad you are here.

Prayers for you this week and for all those who are fighting the cancer battle.