It's been a strange time. Hard time. Things have been up in the air for a while about a great number of things. The dust has settled. Brianna and Buddy came home from Indianapolis to pick up their car and the rest of their things. They got a shock while they were here. Some money that they were counting on did not happen. They are heading back to Indianapolis tonight, to job hunt in earnest. I bit my tongue. My instinct wanted to say, "Do you have enough money? How much do you need?" but I know that money is not what they need at all. So I gave Brianna a shopping bag filled with the makings for tuna noodle casserole, penne w/ sauce, baked beans, peanut butter and jelly, the like. That way, if they get a couple pounds of hamburger, some hot dogs maybe, well, they can eat for a week. I told them that they could do it, that they just had to knuckle down and set their minds to it.
Today, I had to have Buck put down. It wasn't easy. I drove him down by myself, had my time with him to say good bye and then it was done. The vet staff helped me load up my blanket wrapped dog. They assured me that I had done the right thing. I know it. I do know it. However knowing it was the right thing to do doesn't make it any easier. I bawled, and then I got possession of myself, and I drove my dog home for the last time. We buried him in the backyard. Buddy and Brianna were still here. Buddy asked a couple of times if I was okay. "Yes," I said. "It's not an easy thing. That's just how life is sometimes. It's not always sunshine and roses. Sometimes it sucks." I continued digging. Tim pulled at rocks. "You know," I said. "I need you to make it out there. I need to see the two of you work it out together. I need to see you being a team, making a go of it. This means that you'll have to work just as hard as the rest of us. That's life."
They listened, soberly.
I saw them off in their little car. Tim changed the oil for them, and did some repairs on it. I waved good bye, and I cried some more. I gave them Buck's dog food, enough to last their little dog for a few weeks. I gave them groceries and the makings for some meals. We did for them what we could do. I hope they saw the lesson in today. I hope that they understand. I watched them go, and I prayed with all my heart that they begin to look to each other for what they need in this life, that they understand that everything has a price tag, and that you earn what you have. I send them off with my hugs, and my very best wishes.
I did the same for my dog.