Thursday, March 4, 2010


Yesterday, I spent a lot of time hunkered over a psychology book. The inconsistent teacher makes testing a real challenge. I read both the chapter on learning and motivation over again, taking a second round of copious notes, I tested on-line. I spent the biggest part of the day with my nose in that book, or staring off into space, my lips moving silently. I love school though. It would never have occured to me to go on my own. Really, that was Tim's idea. Left to my own devices, I'd have continued to say, 'after Cara graduates, then it will be my turn...' It was Tim who said, "Now's the time. You can't find work. Do it." And so I have done it, and I am having the time of my life.

Tim continues to work on an apartment. It should be ready to rent in a month or so. He's doing some beautiful work. He's doing most of it alone, which makes me feel like crap, but he's cheerful about it. He doesn't have any desire to go to school, he tells me (he's already been. He's a mathematical genius, but the rest of it bores him. He's the opposite of me, actually).

I sort of expected that when the kids grew up and it was just Tim and I, we'd have all sorts of time with each other, we'd be doing things together, and yet here we are, like as not headed in different directions each day.

The other day, I walked in the door after work, exhausted to my very bones. There was Tim sprawled on the couch watching, of all things, a cooking show. I stood behind the couch looking over him at the television as I took off my shoes, and I laughed just a little. But later on, before bed, I was checking the refrigerator to make sure that he had something for dinner the following night. He said, "Well, do we have any of that tafu stuff?" Tafu? I looked at him bewilderedly until I figured it out. Tofu. "No. We don't have tofu." Well, on the cooking show, the woman had been making a 'western omelet' using tofu. Once Tim found out what tofu was, he opted to make his western omelet the old fashioned way. With eggs. In any case, it kind of surprised me. Tim does not like to cook. He was on his own for eight years after his divorce, and as far as I can tell, he survived on hotdogs, frozen pizza and Taco Bell. He does not like to cook. He does not like to clean up the mess. He was very up front about that when we married. He likes to eat, and the fact that I like to cook was the underpinnings of a match made in heaven, to his way of thinking. But anyways, all these years later, I went off to work, and Tim made his own supper, whipping up a western omelet, which 'tasted great' he cheerfully told me, and he was quite pleased with it. Still surprises me to think of it. I'm going to school now, and I'm being changed by the experience. Tim's changing too. Like dance partners, he sways and bends with me, but we're always in step. The music that we dance to is a rhythm that we have created ourselves. It makes me so very glad.


Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post. I love the dance analogy. It is like a dance with each of us growing and changing in the midst of life's uncertainties. Here's hoping you guys keep on dancing! :)

Kerry Osborne

BUSH BABE said...

That story was a great anniversary present for me! Reminding me of the dance beyond that which Mr Incredible and I 'swayed to' today!

Lydia said...


You are such an encouragement to so many people in so many ways. Thanks for a glimmer of a hope that a person can have a good (not perfect) but really good relationship in a marriage.

I am almost two years out of a divorce, and have just started think that maybe, possibly, I could think about being with someone again. No rush here. Just standing by the water's edge, not ready to put my toe in... yet...

But glad to see a couple of fish swimming together. Thanks.

Oh BB -- happy anniversary! :}

steviewren said...

Lucky, lucky girl. Blessed. But you know that.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it great when one has been married for several years that your partner can still surprise you! I loved this post, Debby. It was very uplifting.

bill of Wasilla said...

Well, if Tim survived on Taco Bell, he survived well.

That omelette sounds good.

Study hard. I would find it hard to study.

Hopesrising said...

Thanks Debby..yes relieved!! I guess today they are sending her to a Neurologist make sure we are dealing with things in the right way. Due to the headache. So we will see I guess. But least the MRI took care of the making sure bigger issues did not exist at this point...Thanks for the support. Also love this post:)

Jayne said...

That's a brave man who's ready to tackle tofu on his first cooking outing!

Bob said...

Just can't do tofu. I'm sorry if it's good for me and all that but just can't do it. It's a texture thing.

My gosh, Debby, but this was beautiful. I wish my wife and I could hang out with you and Tim. I can tell he's really handy and well, I'm not, but I love to get with guys who are and let them show me how to do stuff. I just know he would be patient with me. I've gotta somehow plan a trip to PA.

Anonymous said...

It's great that Tim is supportive of your studies. I did some research on the issues that Mature aged students face when I started my undergraduate degree as a 29 year old. I read many, many stories where a student's partner and/or parents and friends were not only unsupportive, they were maliciously and malignantly so, so three cheers for Tim, and you, and your relationship.