Off and running. I've got a couple appointments this morning, and then I'm back home. I've got a couple tests to study for next week, and then my last class is Tuesday. I have 13 days off. I'll be working, but I'll have a break from school. I love school, but it is challenging, and throw all the wedding details in, along with work and school, well, I'm just a bit overwhelmed.
The wedding is Saturday. I love my daughter, and she and Buddy seem to love each other very much. That alone can overcome a lot in life. I pray for them, because I know marriage is tough stuff.
For some reason, it is important to Brianna that my exhusband be there. I would not dream of talking to her about it. It is her day, after all. I've thought as little as possible about those times, but after determinedly not thinking about it for 13 years, I've had to acknowledge that there is still a lot of pain there. What do you say to the man who molested your child? Threw your marriage in the crapper at the same time? That decision changed everyone's life. Not just my girl's life, but mine too, and the other kids'. His own too. He went to prison for it. His present wife opted not to come. She was the one that sent the hateful anonymous (and handwritten) letter at the beginning of the year. When I said that I was turning the whole thing over to the police and giving them their address, she did confess. Lots of tears. She asked to be forgiven, and then seemed to believe that we would become bestest, bestest friends. I'm kind of stymied by that. I mean I don't have a lot in common with her. What do you say to a woman who 'wants to throw you on the ground and tweeze those awful eyebrows' each and every time she sees you? Um...don't? Please? I'll also be navigating the minefield of my own family, knowing full well that everything I do and everything I say will be picked apart and criticized later. (I can hear it now..."That's where you're wrong, Debby...")
We've been talking about forgiveness in Sunday School class. It was nice to have the chance to be a part of that discussion. What is forgiveness? I've got critics that will tell you that I'm unforgiving. I don't know. My take on it is that I've tried very hard to divest myself of any anger towards anyone. Is that forgiveness? I don't bear any ill will, but I also don't care to spend a lot of time shaping myself to fit into their 'box'. I am what I am. They are what they are. I accept the differences, and I have determined that I differ so radically from some folks in my life that, really, it makes no sense to struggle to continue the relationship. It's not unforgiveness. It's just common sense. Maybe it's just plain survival. I don't know.
In any case, as I struggle through these next few days, there will be joy. There will be tears. There will be my own private strugglings with my own private emotions. I have determined that I will be gracious, and that I will be a class act, no matter what. No matter what. This is my daughter's wedding day and there is nothing more important than that.
The thing that I am most grateful for in the midst of all of this craziness is this one thing: that I have friends, close friends, Godly friends. I can confide my innermost un-Christian fears and thoughts, and the one thing that I know for sure is that I will receive good, reliable counsel. They listen, and they pray, and they get back to me. My oldest and dearest friend Mary will be at the reception. She knows my 'innermost workings', as the saying goes. If she sees my grace drooping, she will haul me off to the lady's room for an adjustment. The picture that comes to mind makes me smile. Brianna and Buddy will be married, and we will celebrate, just like any other family. I'll get through this day, and I will do it with grace. God's grace. Heaping helpings of it doled out by dear, dear friends. How blessed I am!