Sunday, February 7, 2010


Last night, I woke up. Tim was having a restless night (it always happens when he has caffeine after 5 PM), and in his tossing and turning, he managed to steal the blankets. Shivering, I sat up and grabbed my share of the blankets back. Then I burrowed back under them, and tried to get warm again. Suddenly I realized that I've been cold a lot lately. Freezing. I've begun taking a sweater with me. I am cold a lot. Out of the blue, it hit me. Those wretched horrible hot flashes are starting to taper off. They started a little over a year ago, shortly after I began chemo. They were unrelenting, one after another. And when summer rolled around...gees...just miserable. Enough said. But somehow, without me even noticing, they've eased off. Last night, I laid in the dark marveling over that while I shivered.

Another thing that I noticed is that my wooly tufty hair is now shiny and smooth again. It feels soft when I touch it. I guess that initial 'chemo hair' is gone. After two haircuts, I guess that the hair that was damaged by those toxic drugs has been cut off, and it has been replaced by healthy hair.

My life is going back to normal. Day by day, the fears recede. Day by day, I get more practical about the joint pain. Day by day, I get better and stronger. I'm losing weight. Friday, I read about neurotransmitters, and synaptic clefts, and dopamine and glutamates and GABA and norepinenephrine, and I realized that I was comprehending it. I'm clear minded again, and that is a great thing too. Last year at this time, I was not sure that my life would ever again be normal, but it has been happening, without my noticing, even.

Last night, I shivered and tried to get warm again as my husband tossed and turned, playing tug of war with the bedding. I felt so darn lucky that there were tears.


Anonymous said...

Hooray for normal :)

Bill of Wasilla said...

May you have many more shivers... but not too many. Now that you know you can, it will be better just to hang on to your share of the blankets.

Anonymous said...

"I read about neurotransmitters, and synaptic clefts, and dopamine and glutamates and GABA and norepinenephrine"

Are you studying psychobiology or neuropsychology or both or something else? Their fascinating subjects. We actually got to hold a brain in one of our tutes. Gross but fascinating. I got all philosphical, wondering who the brain used to belong to,and what type of life that person had lived and why did he donate his brain to science?

Anyway, your post was uplifting.And I'm happy your doing well.


Anonymous said...

'their' should be 'they're'


BUSH BABE said...

Happy shiverin' then Deb... has it been that long? Guess it feels like a lifetime to you - feels like last week that we were inching through it vicariously with you.

Debby said...

Yep, BB. It's been a year. It seems like longer to me, like looking backward through a telescope, but it was a very hard time. DavidM. It is just psychology actually, but what we are studying at this point is the biological perspective. It is fascinating. Your brain story reminded me of a bone story. When I was a little girl we went to a place called Cooperstown, and there was a real skeleton there, and I remember being mesmerized by the thought that this had been a real person, that he had walked, talked, worked, played, just like me. And I wondered about his (her?) life for a long time.

Bill, it's not normally a problem. We use queen size blankets on our double bed just to avoid this problem. But when Tim has had caffeine, it's like sleeping with a bear.

Hooray for normal indeed!~

The Factory said...


Kelly said...

So glad life is getting back to normal for you.

When I was growing up we had a human brain on top of our refrigerator.

Hal Johnson said...

Normal is a wonderful thing!

I share Tim's problem, caffeine after about noontime, especially coffee, and I can forget sleeping until midnight.

Anonymous said...

Suggestion - my husband of 32 yrs. was diagnosed with Parkinsons a few months ago and is always cold. After a few nights of blanket fights, the problem was solved. We still share the same king size bed but I have my own blankets. Thanks for the great pictures you have posted. Makes me feel like "home" is only a few miles away instead of 1750 mi. (Texas)
Arlene Wilson Barnett (sister of Mark Wilson)

Daria said...

How sweet ... the tears.