Wednesday, January 20, 2010

School Daze II

Oh, BB, thanks for the giggle. I needed that! Last night I was a nervous wreck about school. 'What have I done to my quiet life!' And then I'd look at the textbooks on my table and think 'Well, you've spent money, so you're committed to stay the course now...' I went to bed early. That was mighty good planning. It gave me a lot more time to lay awake goggle eyed in the dark. 'What if I find out that I'm dumb after all...' And when I did fall asleep, I dreamt chaotic dreams of rearranging the furniture in my house, changing the living room into the dining room, a jumble of furniture stacked, half moved, not fully decided on how to arrange things. And in the midst of that there were children to take care of. In one case, Dylan was a little boy wearing a spangly foam green swim suit. He had just come back from swimming. I pointed out that he was wearing a girl's suit, and he said, 'It's all we had, mom, and I really wanted to swim.' He looked ashamed. There was also a cat. A lost cat. A small black cat.
How transparent these dreams are, echoing my real life perfectly. I am rearranging my house so to speak, and the vision of Dylan as a small boy was a reminder to me of those traumatic days when I did not know how I was going to properly provide for my children. I didn't know if I could. It was a private nightmare of mine that they would go without, or be embarrassed by my inability to make ends meet. But I did make ends meet. We were okay. And just for the record ~ the boy never wore a girl's swimsuit. I know Dylan would want me to make that clear. But the little boy was a reminder. I faced hard times before, and I'd come through. I will deal with these challenges that I have taken on, and again, I'll meet it head on. The kitten? Well, he may have been lost, but he was someplace in a pile of my furniture. He never ventured out, not in that dream, but I'm not too worried about him. I take care of stuff. I figure out what I have to do. It's my nature. That kitten will be fine.

So this morning, I'm headed out the door to meet Mary, and then to the school. There is venison simmering with mushrooms, peppers and onions, for our supper tonight, and then I have an evening class. I just need to get this show on the road.

*shuts down computer*

8 comments:

Karen said...

Good luck, Debby! You can do it -- you really can!

Ash said...

Good luck and have fun.. So many new friends to make :)

Mary Paddock said...

Have a great first day!

Lemonade Maker said...

I finally caught up with all the posts! Good luck on this new adventure in your life!

steviewren said...

In a weeks time you'll be wondering why you were apprehensive at all. I have every confidence in your abilities. You go girl!

Mrs.Spit said...

I'm with Stevie. . .

You will rock this.

PaintedPromise said...

and now that the day is done... HOW WAS IT??? i just know it was awesome... my girls started up again this week as well and i've heard from one (all is well) and since i haven't heard from the other i can assume that - because she is the first to call if anything is NOT well...

BUSH BABE said...

Sooooooo.... how WAS it?? *snores while waiting 'patiently' by computer...*
:-)
BB