Sunday, January 24, 2010

Blame

It's been an exhausting week. A lot of new stuff. A lot of firsts. I got hate mail, for the first time in my life. It was truly, truly awful. The words were devastating and painful. It was mystifying to me. A person immediately sprang to mind, but it seemed ridiculous. I had not had contact with this person for years. I could think of no provocation. Just the idea that someone was harboring this hatred for years until it burst into that kind of ugliness was a little bit frightening to me.

Now, just a few years back, I'd have been in an agony of doubt. I'd have been listening to angry people telling me that it was all my fault, that I deserved it. I've just kind of stepped out of that circle. I've replaced that with friends who affirm me. Because I feel better about myself, I gasped at this letter. I cried. But I also handled it. I contacted the person I felt was responsible. I laid out my case. I turned it over to a man from Homeland Security.

I received a call tonight. It was an apology. It was a confession. It was an acknowledgement that I'd done nothing to provoke it. I heard it for the first time. The words were said. There was a complete breakdown, and, from the middle of the tears, it was said out loud: "This is not your fault."

No one has ever said that to me before. It has always been my fault.

7 comments:

WhiteStone said...

So sorry to hear that you received that. What another person says is not a measure of yourself...I think you have that one figured out. That's good. Bless you.

Anonymous said...

I hate that you had to go through that but at least someone owned up and gave you an apology. Hopefully they learned a lesson. You have shown you are the bigger person. Way to handle it!

Kerry

Mrs.Spit said...

Or perhaps, more accurately, it has always been said that it was always your fault.

I'm so terribly sorry Debby, you didn't deserve this in what should be such a wonderful time.

BUSH BABE said...

Gosh Deb... what a situation. But perhaps a necessary catharsis for the other person... you held firm when you needed to and a resolution came of it. I hope.

I am almost as shocked that you have had so much blame laid at your feet. You know that I don't think you are perfect - heaven's knows that anyone of any degree of interest has enough failings to make them whole. But I cannot imagine that your should have ever felt you were to blame for everything - perhaps you should be the poster girl for overcoming THAT hideous burden?
Hugs
BB

quid said...

I don't understand. But, the apology, I hope, clears the air.

quid

Lydia said...

Wow, good for you to handle it straight on. I need to learn a bit of that...

Also, how wonderful that you were able to get an actual apology and resolution to the issue.

Bless you for standing your ground, that is overcoming, for sure!

Karen said...

Praying for you, Debby, and hoping that today is brighter! (Although it is raining in my part of PA!)
Each day is a new start.