Wednesday, December 23, 2009

One Year Later

Today, for the first time since last fall, I got my hot curlers out. I'd almost forgotten about them, but it occurred to me today that I had enough hair for my hot curlers again so I pulled them out and set the case on the vanity and opened it. I saw scads of brown hair around those curlers. I'd put them away when I realized that my hair was falling out. I remembered how I'd begun to hope against hope that maybe I was not going to lose my hair after all, because I'd had two chemos, and it was still holding fast, but then suddenly and all at once, I'd begun to lose it. I'd been dreading it but when it finally began to happen, it was not the blow that I thought it would be. I shaved my head on Thanksgiving Day because it was the sensible thing to do. I didn't want my hair falling out into the turkey or something revolting. I was very calm.

A year later, I studied my reflection, short gray hair. I looked at the curler in my hand and surprisingly, I found myself getting quite emotional about all those strands of hair. Strange, isn't it, that I should be so emotional, in retrospect, about something that I'd initially been so sensible and calm about?


Anonymous said...

Hi Debby,

Retrospective emotions are certainly fascinating.

A Gumby stands on top of my pc at home.One day, I had a visitor, a friend come and see me and he saw the Gumby. Later, when I saw him again, he told that when he saw my Gumby a great wave of emotion came over him, of great happiness. This puzzled him because this was the first time he had seen a Gumby and he couldn’t figure out why one should bring him such joy.

But the thing was –he was wrong. It wasn’t the first time he had seen a Gumby. His mother told him that he had one of his own when he was 3 years old. It was teddy bear size and he carried it everywhere. He had totally forgotten about it.

And then there is the story of French writer, Marcel Proust and the Madeleine.

Proust took a bite of a Madeline and resultant emotions and memories that came to him
were the basis of his 7 part memoir/novel “Remembrance of Things Past”

I’m not surprised that the sight of strands of hair in your curlers made you feel emotional.
You probably weren’t really initially sensible and calm. It was more likely a mixture of denial, shock, and stoicism. OR, maybe, at the time you probably didn’t time to be anything but sensible and calm. Like I said, it’s fascinating.

I hope your Christmas and New Year aren’t too sensible and calm –that would be boring.
May they be happy and prosperous.

All the best to you and yours.


Bob said...

"For the Lord's lovingkindnesses never cease; His compassions never fail. THEY ARE NEW EVERY MORNING."

You have earned those emotions, my friend.

Merry Christmas.

BB said...

Chapters start and finish with such moments.
May this chapter (and this Christmas) bring you much joy and an abundance of fresh pages on which to write.

Paula said...

Christmas .... and Curls ... can only mean one thing .... Champagne!! P x