I had to see the ever funny Dr. K. yesterday. He's a hoot. He wasn't sure why I was there, and truth be told, I wasn't all that sure either. Peg had called me to remind me of my appointment, and I was sure glad that she did because I did not have anything written down. I had no clue of it. Anyways, while we were blabbing, Dr. K said he heard a woman say that breast cancer had been a blessing. Yeah. That drew me up short. Here's what I think. Cancer sucks. However, while I grappled with the unpleasant reality of cancer, I was well blessed by the people around me, by God Himself. Out of a dark time came miracles. Miracles!
I am different today than I was a year ago. I am loved. When that realization sinks in, when you understand from a deep place inside, that you are loved, well, it makes a difference in how you live, how you interact with others. I love my husband better. He loves me better.I am a better mother, able to stand back and let my children live without a bunch of interference and advice from their mother. It brings me comfort to know that they will survive quite nicely without me. I am a better friend.
I love the details of living. It is the small stuff that enriches your life. It is the rosemary sprinkled on top of your fresh baked bread that adds that special touch. It is the vanilla in your oatmeal that makes all the difference. It is the magic of finding the perfect stocking stuffer for one of the kids, something that you know they will hang on to and think of you for. It is the little spontaneous chats among friends, the discovery of a tiny flower beneath the leaves, the way that a branch silouettes against a gray sky, or the view of one mountain feeding into another, to another, to another, to another. Laughter mixed with tears. An arm around you in the night when you wake. Thunder. The sound of the wind. Really, all those things were present in my life before cancer. I've always been a person who took great pleasure in the little things, but now these small pleasures have become my treasure.
I'm never going to call cancer a blessing, believe you me, but I am a blessed woman all the same.