Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Grateful

I had to see the ever funny Dr. K. yesterday. He's a hoot. He wasn't sure why I was there, and truth be told, I wasn't all that sure either. Peg had called me to remind me of my appointment, and I was sure glad that she did because I did not have anything written down. I had no clue of it. Anyways, while we were blabbing, Dr. K said he heard a woman say that breast cancer had been a blessing. Yeah. That drew me up short. Here's what I think. Cancer sucks. However, while I grappled with the unpleasant reality of cancer, I was well blessed by the people around me, by God Himself. Out of a dark time came miracles. Miracles!

I am different today than I was a year ago. I am loved. When that realization sinks in, when you understand from a deep place inside, that you are loved, well, it makes a difference in how you live, how you interact with others. I love my husband better. He loves me better.I am a better mother, able to stand back and let my children live without a bunch of interference and advice from their mother. It brings me comfort to know that they will survive quite nicely without me. I am a better friend.

I love the details of living. It is the small stuff that enriches your life. It is the rosemary sprinkled on top of your fresh baked bread that adds that special touch. It is the vanilla in your oatmeal that makes all the difference. It is the magic of finding the perfect stocking stuffer for one of the kids, something that you know they will hang on to and think of you for. It is the little spontaneous chats among friends, the discovery of a tiny flower beneath the leaves, the way that a branch silouettes against a gray sky, or the view of one mountain feeding into another, to another, to another, to another. Laughter mixed with tears. An arm around you in the night when you wake. Thunder. The sound of the wind. Really, all those things were present in my life before cancer. I've always been a person who took great pleasure in the little things, but now these small pleasures have become my treasure.

I'm never going to call cancer a blessing, believe you me, but I am a blessed woman all the same.

9 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

Exhale.

yes.

steviewren said...

I just finished catching up on the posts I've missed recently. I've always seen you as confident and worthy and pretty. I'm glad that you're starting to see yourself that way as well.

Maybe you'll run across another pair of those high heels. Snatch them up next time sister!

WhiteStone said...

Ahhh! You say it well, Debby!

Bob said...

Vanilla in oatmeal? Does that really make it better? I dutifully eat it every day to keep my cholesterol down but the texture sometimes makes it hard to get down.

I love your insight here. God repeatedly, and when we least expect it, makes all things new.

BUSH BABE said...

Why does it take a horrible shake-up like this to create this savouring of the moment? I wonder? I had something vaguely similar as a 20-something - I have never been the same. Then we almost lost Dash, and the intensity of my savouring escalated even more... is it God's way of shaking the hell out of us so we can see the wonder instead of the woe?
Hugs
BB
PS I reckon there are some kick-ass shoes just A-WAITING for you, dear Deb...

Debby said...

Bob - Don't overcook it. Don't buy the instant stuff. Just boil your water, pull the pan off the stove, add your oats, stir it up. I add raisins or dried berries, brown sugar, and a drop of vanilla. I add a little milk. Perfect. Let me know what you think.

Mikey said...

Those are the things I need to do. Thanks for the reminder :)

Bill of Wasilla said...

Although a shattered shoulder is not in the same category as breast cancer, your story reminds me of my experience. After two surgeries and a titanium implant, I was faced with nothing but recuperation for several months. A very good person who has done a great deal for me told me that she bet this would prove to be the best experience of my life, as it would force me to rest and revaluate everything and something new would come out of it.

It was not the best experience of my life; in fact, it was quite awful - although there was something good about lying in bed not worrying about the calamity that had descended upon me or about much of anything, because there was nothing that I could do about any of it.

And then there was the pocket camera that my kids gave me, because I could only shoot with one hand and it was so hard to manipulate by big Dslr's.

As you know from my blog, that pocket camera truly has changed my life, for the good, and I doubt that I would have yet even touched one had I not shattered my shoulder.

Did anyone ever tell you that you write very well, btw?

Daria said...

I agree ... I wouldn't call it a blessing but it does make you more grateful. Well said.