Saturday, October 3, 2009

Paradigm Shift

As you all have probably figured out, I'm coming out of a hard time. I know that I've got a great deal to be grateful for, but here's the truth of it: One year ago, I had cancer, and it frustrates me that I am not 'over it'. I don't feel well and wonder what that means. The aches and pains are discouraging. The last couple months have really taken their toll.

Trying to find information on what to expect after cancer is difficult. There is not a lot of information. Bloggers have come through once again, sharing their own experience. I realized, finally, that I've been looking at it all wrong. I have been looking at this one year milestone, and really fretting about the fact that I am not over cancer. September 26th, I found the lump. October 6th, it was official. One year ago, I found out I had cancer, and dammit, I'm not over it yet.

BUT...

Cancer did not make me sick. It was the treatment for cancer than knocked me on my keister. For the first time, I really understood what chemo and radiation actually does to a body. I'm being unrealistic to expect that I'll simply 'get over it'. * snaps fingers* Especially, considering I'm only 5 months out of treatment. I feel a little stupid, really, because people have been telling me right along. My response has been a snarly 'yeah, but it's been a whole year'. Finally it has sunk in.

Really, people, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed. Not the brightest crayon in the box. Etc.

11 comments:

PaintedPromise said...

hey! don't talk about my friend like that!!!!

;) hang in there Debby!!!! and when you feel like that, GO EAT A SNICKERS!!!!!

steviewren said...

It isn't easy to realize that the new normal might mean you won't feel good everyday anymore. Having a Snickers sounds like a good idea to me...chocolate cures everything and nuts are good for your heart.

Bush Babe said...

PP took the words right out of my mouth... DON't you call my mate names!!! Being sick sucks. Being dead sucks more. Being well rocks... hoping you get that well-feeling again soon Debby. PLEASE try to REST and recuperate... it really IS the key.
Hugs
BB

Karen L. Holmes said...

Oh, Debby, I know how you are feeling. It's been over 3 years for me and there are some days when I STILL can't believe it happened- the cancer thing and now the "aftermath" of it all. What I try to remember is that each day upon wakening, is a new day. Maybe not the BEST day, but a new one. And when those aches and pains get to me, I do things that will cheer me up, like going for a walk, or calling a friend for a lunch date, or...writing a post :) Most importantly, I pray and thank God for each day, even the not-so-good ones, because I know that He'll see me through them. One day at a time.

Keep posting, and have a great weekend, friend!

Lesley said...

Debby, I know somewhat of how you feel. I don't have the severe pain like you do, but I do have the aches and minor pain at times from all of this. This weather changing so much isn't helping any of it either. There are some days that I just don't feel like even moving, feel like crap, and just plain out want to stay in bed and shut the world out. Actually, there are quite a few of those days. Then there's days that I actually feel good and want to get stuff done (too bad mine and Steve's days like this don't line up a little bit better...we're prolly get a whole lot more done around here LOL). I pretty much just take it one day at a time. If it's a pretty bad day, I just stay in my bedroom most of it and crochet and try to relax and rest. I've learned so far thru this, that I can only take it one day at a time. Deal with today and do what I can and not worry about tomorrow. One day is more than enough on my plate at one time, that's for sure (especially when other people just keep dumping more on my plate that I sure don't need right now). There's a song that I think you should listen to... it really hit home with me. It's by Bombshel and it's called "Fight Like A Girl"... I think you'll understand once you hear it. Keep your chin up!! And see you next Saturday!!! *HUGS* =)

Caroline said...

Pain, schmain, cancer, schmancer. The whole point is we are still here, aches and pains and all.

Lydia said...

That SO makes sense to me. I have known many cancer survivors, and you know, I didn't think about how long it takes their bodies to heal after the process of killing the cancer. I know it is brutal.

I am hoping that you will, a year from now, look back at this day, and have less pain and fewer aches.

Don't feel bad about not knowing how this process works, it seems to me this is the first (and the last, thank you very much) time you have dealt with it. How could you possibly know? Now you know, absolutely no shame in that.

hugs and blessings to you,

WhiteStone said...

Caroline says it well. LOL. I'm still here. You're still here. And haven't we had a good time meeting via the net! Why doncha come on over for a Saturday morning cuppa. My house is a pigstye since we're in the middle of putting a laundry unit upstairs.. boxes of dishes everywhere..major mess... But company is welcome! Bless ya, Girl!

Bill said...

I'm glad you're not a sharp tool in a shed, or a bright crayon in a box. These are inanimate objects, useful tools that don't think or feel but wait only to be manipulated by those who do. You are a real, live, struggling human being who has made me smile, several times.

One year now, another next year...

Kelly said...

I haven't had cancer, so I can't pretend to say I know how you're feeling. From my observations of others, though, I don't think you are alone at all in the way you feel (both physically AND emotionally).

You have so many folks who care about you. I realize I hardly know you, but I have gained so much from reading your entries here and I certainly appreciate you.

Hang in there!

Daria said...

Take time to heal ... it doesn't happen over night.