Thursday, September 3, 2009

Rules for Round 2.

Okay. New day. The dust is starting to settle. I have cancer again.

(deeeeeeeep breath)

It will be different this time.

Rule number 1:

I will not go to appointments alone, because I am far more passive than I like. I need back up. For whatever stupid foolish thinking, I am afraid to look like a baby, or a hypochondriac.

Rule number 2:
I will never, ever tolerate hearing 'most likely' or 'probably'. If they do not know, for 100% sure, I will not accept 'probably'. The activity in your shoulder is 'probably' some arthritis. The night sweats were 'probably' menopause brought on by the chemo. The lump is 'most likely' nothing to be concerned about. No more. I am lucky to have good and caring doctors, but the fact is, they play the odds. In most cases, odds are, they probably would have been right, but in my case, they weren't and it would behoove all of us to be way more vigilant.

Rule number 3:

I will not feel badly for being a outspoken bitch person.

I won't.

(cringes a little at how awful that sounds...)


Mikey said...

I just don't know what to say. I'm in shock. All I know is, we're here for you, and we all surely give a damn what you have to say. Keep blogging and we'll all be here, holding virtual hands and praying hard. There just are no words for this situation. Nothing to make it better.

I'm so very very sorry. I can't believe it...

WhiteStone said...

You are so good with the written word...write down your questions (and wonderings) and practice saying them in front of the mirror. You'll be surprised at how reasonable you sound! LOL. No bitchiness involved at all!

Amy said...

you dont know what you dont know until you know. thats an oprah quote from someone. but it applies so well to medicine. i spent the last 2 years with my elderly mom as one doctor after another just did all these procedures on her, for naught, while telling us she needed this or that. and i didnt know any better. but if i were going through this again, boy oh boy, would i give them hell. Its so easy for doctors to lead you into misguided unhelpful testing, treatment, drugs. you are your own best advocate. you have to fight and speak up to save your life. i will forever regret not bringing my mom home to die in peace and i will never forgive the doctors that promised us the moon, subjecting her to suffering in order to line their pockets. if i only knew then what i know now. So you know now, in this fight for your life, speak up, demand the best, dont let them push you around. Men make demands and they are powerful and forthright, women make demands and they are a bitch. so be a bitch. and live.

steviewren said...

This is the only life you've got a bitch all you need to. I think your new rules are a wise move...just having rules makes you more in charge and in the fighting mode.

Love you dear bloggy friend. Let me know what that doggone upside down cow is supposed to say.

StudentOfLife said...

I'm sorry you have to visit this again. I can't imagine the frustration and anger and my prayers are with you. I am happy I stumbled upon your blog a few months ago. You are a phenomenal woman and I know you'll beat it again!

Mom L said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...


I am so sorry to hear this. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are strong and will make it through this fight.

Draw upon the strength of your supporters and hang in there. HW

Kelly said...

I really, really am sorry that it's come back.

There's a difference between being assertive and aggressive. I would equate bitchiness with aggressiveness. Then again, bitchiness is probably more in the eyes of the beholder and you can't worry about how someone else perceives you or what you say. So.... be whatever you need to be in order to get the answers and results you want!

I like to think I've sort of gotten to know you through reading your blog. Also, I appreciate that you often read and comment on mine in return. I care about you and I will continue praying for you.

Cassie said...

Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way. I hope that you can feel the love and support being showered on you from out here in bloggyland :o)

JJ said...

Those sound like great rules. We'll be here to help you stick by them, even if you feel like you're being bitchy.


PaintedPromise said...

here's a quote for you:

"i'm not A bitch, i'm THE bitch, and it's MS. BITCH to you"

there. if anyone calls you bitchy, USE IT! it's no more than they deserve...

in all seriousness Deb, what Mikey said... and Stevie... and Kelly and Cassie and JJ...


Danielle Michelle said...

You tell them whatever you need to tell them to get the answers you want! You are one hell of a brave woman and I KNOW you can do this again.

jeanie said...

See, I see bitchy as being assertive - I cannot imagine a blue-heeler type Deb, more - darn, what is that Dulux dog called? - an English sheepdog, I think, who has been moved a bit too far out of her comfort zone and is thinking "right where you are, Mr Cancer, is where you should say" and I am all for her to bark and scare that nasty cancer back out of her body again.

With you all the way, Deb.

Kayleigh said...

Be whatever you need to be to fight this, and the rest be damned.

Recently I was trying to decided between hospitals to have my mastectomy...between teams of docs, between procedures even. I kept waffling back and forth. It was the hardest decision I think I've ever made. I actually had two surgeries booked, a week apart.

When the first hospital called with my instructions for checking in, the nurse on the phone seemed nice enough and I just sort of blurted out, "How bad will I mess things up if I cancel this at the last minute?" To which she replied: "You won't mess anything up. This is about you and whatever you need to do to heal."

That woman's words will stay with me forever. May they be a gift to you as well.

Caroline said...

I completely agree with making up the rules. My first cancer I did it the wrong way. My second cancer, I said, no I am doing this right. I was proactive, I asked for things. I demanded to know what was going on. I followed up on follow ups. I became an assertive patient. I also made a point to take care of myself. I have a therapist. I joined a support group. I said to myself, I am not going to be miserable just because I have cancer. You go girl. Make your rules and stick to them!

quid said...

Fight like hell, Deb.

My friend Allen has been fighting like hell everyday for the last 6.5 years. Ever since the day he was told he had 6 months left to live.



Laura Jane said...

YOUR fight, YOUR rules hon!

You've already played nice and waited until this week for the scan dammit. Enough is enough!

I LIKE your rules! And I don't like my bloggy friend being scared and in pain and with cancer again.

Repeat after me....I have the right to demand good and prompt treatment. You do.

Now get out there and....wait, one more big (((HUG))) first...OK, now FIGHT!

Bob said...

Yes, demand good and prompt treatment. ALWAYS take someone with you. And remember all of us who are with you in spirit.

A Novel Woman said...

These days patients MUST be their own advocates, or bring a friend or family member. But for crying out loud, do NOT apologize for asking for what you deserve.

Assertive and bitchy are two different things, my dear. Bitchy means "malicious and unpleasant" which you assuredly are not. Assertive means "having or showing a confident and forceful personality." Nothing wrong with that. It also means bold, decisive, firm, emphatic, insistent, determined, and fiesty (my personal favourite.)

So ask, demand, and be fiesty my friend. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Lydia said...

You know, I don't care what you call it. If bitching works, do that. This is your life and your body, not theirs. This is not the time to be passive. You are standing for your health, so don't back up, take a stand.

Bush Babe said...

Bitch? Is having an opinion about looking after your health being a bitch? Heck... I AM in trouble then!!!

You GO be-atch!!!

Bush Babe said...

Bitch? Is having an opinion about looking after your health being a bitch? Heck... I AM in trouble then!!!

You GO be-atch!!!

Bush Babe said...

Tell me I did NOT swear TWICE then?? Gads. *awaits hellfire and brimstone*

Reb said...

As a nurse, I like the "outspoken bitch person" :)
Those are the patients that we know are going to work hard at recovery. It takes a person with some "sting" to take the treatment and come out on top. Bitch away. The staff will relish it!

Jayne said...

Ditto what Reb said, the outspoken "bitches" are the ones who ride the waves of treatment the best, there's nothing wrong with being an outspoken bitch At All!

(((hugs))) and sending all my bitch-tude to you for the fight.