Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The New Normal

Daria commented that she was glad to see that my energy had come back. That's the odd thing. It hasn't.

Truth be told, I feel ill. A lot. I feel exhausted more often than not. I ache and I hobble around in the morning, in the evening, and anytime in between when I sit for any length of time. I guess this is the new normal, and it is a surprise to me to realize that I may never go back to what I was. I'm starting believe that there will ever be a day when I don't think about my body. The day starts with pills, and the amounts of motrin in between is adjusted to accomodate the pain. Some days are good days. Other days are pretty awful. But I don't have cancer. The irony of that will stay with me always. Last fall, I wasn't sick. I had cancer. This fall, I am miserable, but I don't have cancer. Other people who have dealt with cancer tell me that they also cope with pain and exhaustion, even years after treatment.

Simply put, if this is the new normal, then I guess that I'd best learn how to deal with it, hadn't I? I will not be an invalid moaning quietly to herself in a rocking chair, wasting one precious day after another. So I push myself, because it is all that I know how to do. This is my life, and I have contemplated the end of it. Galvanized by that experience, energized by the words 'cancer free' (never mind the 'at this point in time'), I look at the things that I always meant to do, but never quite got around to doing. And I drink a cup of coffee, take a couple motrins, and I get around to doing them. And out of the ordinary, a very satisfactory life takes shape.


steviewren said...

I love your attitude. You have spunk Debby...I tend to sit in the chair and groan when I feel tired and achy..which is a lot of the time this past year.

I'm taking Friday off this week and I can't wait. I'm visiting with my grandson and daughter and I'm going to get something creative done. Looking forward to the fun things always makes me feel better.

Anonymous said...

No this is not the 'new' normal Deb, this will just be the temporary normal. You will improve slowly, and by the time you do, you will be a year or so older, maybe a lot wiser even - doesn't that go with older?!- and maybe tire a little easier than you did last year, but you can then put that down to the years, not the condition. You will enjoy life the way you expected to, and this will slowly fade, but not be forgotten, and we learn to give thanks for normal again.
Good luck with the recovery Deb, and don't drive yourself too hard. Just let go and let God do His healing on you. A good naturopath (note - I said 'good' and not quack!) would also help - it did me I know.

Love Barb

jeanie said...

I was taking minutes in a meeting today. An older gentleman was asked how he was.

"I don't talk about my aches and pains" he said. "I find when I do, every other miserable b*" (okay, strike the gent part of the above adjective) "tries to one-up me."

Hugs to you Deb - and listen to the wise woman above me.

Lydia said...

My Dad has a number of health problems, he will occasionally mention them but, like you, is more of the observant than complaining.

His motto is, "Every day is a good day, some are just better than others."

Hope you have a better day today!

Roxanne said...

Wow, Debby. Your words are my words to the tee. How is that, when you have cancer you feel good and when you don't you feel bad? We could both buy stock in Motrin:) I love your last sentence,"Out of the ordinary, a very satisfactory life takes shape." I just might have to quote you on that! Hugs, my friend. xoxoxo

Bush Babe said...

My Mother Anonymous has beaten me to it... and seeing as how she has 'been there' and I have not, I will just sympathise with you, and point you back up the comments to her...

RedWifey said...

Bravo Debby! Sending hugs!